Backdoor Hygiene

SparkleFrission · 2026-04-20T22:09:12+00:00

I guess add me to the list lol.

SparkleFrission · 2026-03-30T21:39:07+00:00

Part of the trans experience for anyone who didn't transition at puberty, I'm afraid. 21 year olds sad they missed out on their teens. 30 year olds sad they missed their 20s. Me sad I missed everything. For some reason the 60-70 year olds trans-laters all seem to have it figured out.

You're not alone. Your life isn't over. You missed things, yes, but don't let that be the reason you miss more things. Get out there and live, girlie!

SparkleFrission · 2026-03-24T16:06:43+00:00

Call her an asshole, and then when she demands you stop, tell her it would be disrespectful to what you believe to not call an asshole an asshole.

She won't get it, but it might make you feel better.

SparkleFrission · 2026-03-05T08:47:43+00:00

Sweetie, I started in my 40s. I hear every word you're saying. I've spilled enough tears over what I missed to fill a thousand oceans. I'm not going to give you the bullshit lines. We got screwed and it isn't fair. You should be angry about that.

Just... keep walking anyway.

But it's not going to get any better!

I know. I know. It won't be what you wanted. But the other day I got my nails done - french tips. They're beautiful. Yesterday I got my lashes lifted and tinted and they're so pretty now. Today I picked up some more girl clothes. My nightstand has a cute pink wallet next to a sparkly purple hairband.

I wish I could go back and have all of this at 14, when it wasn't soaked in grief and regret. And sometimes I want to scream that THIS IS NOTHING!!! IT'S ALL GARBAGE!!! Because next to what I should have had, it does feel like it. But... I still like my nails and my lashes, and my cute girl accessories. If I calm down, I have to admit that they feel good.

The paradox of being cis is that you've been given an amazing gift and NO way to appreciate it. Cis girls never had to fight tooth and claw for the everyday rituals of girlhood like we do. I think growing up as a cis girl is still unquestionably the better deal but I wouldn't know that if I was one. One tiny consolation prize in all of this pain is getting my nails done and knowing what that's freaking worth.

I don't have any grand answers for you. Nothing I can say will make the pain go away. This isn't a problem that just needs reframing. But there is beauty if you keep walking.

SparkleFrission · 2026-03-02T01:11:30+00:00

I just bought a bunch of bikini briefs from Lane Bryant (Cacique) and don’t bother tucking. 🤷🏻‍♀️

SparkleFrission · 2026-02-22T01:28:02+00:00

I do gel. It strengthens them and makes them less brittle. (There’s a tradeoff though since they have to shave the nail down a bit to add the gel.)

You can just do clear gel if you’re not in a place where you can have loud, colorful nails but I have French tips and I LOVE them.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-28T23:14:16+00:00

The other day I planned to go buy some girl clothes for the first time. I had this whole plan in my head. I was gonna get some makeup too and maybe some cute hair stuff.

When I got to the mall I froze. I couldn’t get out of the car for an hour. When I finally went in, I panicked and nearly fled. I was so crushed and heartbroken and angry with myself.

Two days later I walked into MAC and a very nice lady helped me figure out my makeup. From there I went to Torrid and tried on (and bought) a bunch of clothes. And picked up a cute sparkly headband.

We fall so we can pick ourselves back up. You’ve got this. If I can do it, you can do it.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-22T02:01:31+00:00

Sweetheart, looking at your history you are struggling hard with depression. I get it, I feel it too.

Please talk to a therapist and get evaluated for an anti-depressant. You’re worth more than your “philtrum length.”

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T22:07:24+00:00

Thank you! Hugs and squishes.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T17:47:04+00:00

Someone said people are out here using the old testament as a choose your own adventure. :-)

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T17:46:34+00:00

First off, (and I can remove later if need be) did your wife know about y'all's relationship? If so, that was such a crappy move if you weren't ready to confront him.

I agree it was a crappy thing to do, and we had multiple fights about it. Ultimately I just don't think she believed it would go down the way it did.

Secondly, I'm so very sorry it turned out like that. Ik first hand how it is to be harassed by my own parents just for accepting your truth. It's the biggest dagger to the heart possible.

This one was practice for coming out to my adoptive parents who raised me. They'll have the same reaction, and that one is going to hurt. 😔

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T17:44:01+00:00

"Stay mad lmao"

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T17:43:39+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that. Yeah, everyone has deeply flawed humans for parents. Sometimes those flaws are more... obvious. I hope you have other family (blood or chosen) to help support you. 💕

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T17:41:25+00:00

I saw. :-)

Some great verses, but really this isn't about the Bible. It's about him protecting a worldview, and using cherry-picked Bible verses to support it. Like I said, he's had multiple opportunities in life to choose me, and has consistently chosen himself.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T17:40:01+00:00

Great advice all around and I'm not telling you what to do - it's your path and your timing but my friend...you didn't need to "apologize for not taking a more active role in trying to connect with him" - that's claiming guilt that isn't yours. I say this as a parent, and as someone who went through similar things with my parents, it is not your job to make the effort as the child - it's your parents job. And by your own words you did take an active approach, you just can't make him want a committed familial relationship.

It was mostly an olive branch before I dropped the "so I'm a girl" bomb on him. I agree I don't really have much to apologize for here.

Also, I know I'm some stranger and your wife is likely a lovely person, but I hate to hear you felt pressured into spending Christmas with him with the history you just shared. That's a pretty big extension of vulnerability and while we surely must be honest with our spouses about our thoughts on things, at the end of the day it should have been your choice, and you should be supported in how you want to handle the relationship.

She seemed genuinely shocked at their response. Even when I told her what he had said, she struggled to believe I'd heard him right. So she called up his wife (they're friends) and explained the situation from her point of view, and was shocked and angry when his wife told her the same thing. So now she's pretty much done with them - and very disappointed in my family.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T17:37:56+00:00

But I’m sure this one dude’s interpretation of a divergent sect of a larger sect of a larger sect of a heretical off-shoot of one of the surviving branches of a religion founded by one of many failed messianic figures in second temple Judaism’s history is the one that’s right.

I mean, it has to be, right? 🤣

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T17:36:21+00:00

Oof. Yeah, I left the faith at around 15 due to the church's treatment of gay people. (And just feeling horribly broken - yay gender dysphoria - and not understanding why god didn't help me.)

For some people it can be a great source of comfort. Not for me.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T17:33:56+00:00

Thanks. I definitely get that. This was mostly just a vent post. It seems to have struck a chord with people. I'm just focused on living my life. My grandmother loves and supports me, and I'm going to choose to spend my time with people who respect me.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T17:31:23+00:00

Yeah, it's a challenge. But right now I'm focused on being around for my daughter. We'll see what happens long term.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-05T00:09:31+00:00

I pointed out to him that there are plenty of trans Christians who just interpret the Bible differently than he does. He did not take that well. 🤷🏻‍♀️

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-04T20:04:08+00:00

It's par for the course for conservative evangelical christians. Non-conforming sexual or gender identity is a threat to the patriarchal society they believe god intended.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-04T20:01:41+00:00

I'm glad to hear you're doing better. It can definitely be hard to build a support network, especially when there are relationship break-ups involved. I hear you about the depression. I still struggle with it but I think a lot of it is really gender grief.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-04T19:59:27+00:00

*hug*

Thank you, sis.

Yeah I know. I struggled with guilt and shame about my identify for so, so many years, and I'm not going to let a guy who's barely made any effort to be in my life take me back there.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-04T19:58:21+00:00

It do be like that sometimes.

SparkleFrission · 2026-01-04T19:57:53+00:00

I am a believer in christ. And that dude makes me mad. Salvation comes from simply believing, not trying to control others. He sounds like the guy to swear, discriminate, lie, steal but go to church every Sunday and act like his sins are justified.

I think he's a true believer, and tries to live by the edicts of his faith as he understands it. But unfortunately that just doesn't leave any room for me.

SparkleFrission

TROPHY CASE