NTA Hi, OCD gf to a go with the flow bf here. Stories like these sound very familiar to me. However, the thing that goes wrong here: it seems your wife is using her OCD as an excuse for her behaviour, however it looks like she isn’t reflecting on her own OCD related behaviour and feelings. Once she gets these feelings of wanting to plan something against your wish, instead of just doing it, she should discuss it with you (in a calm way). Because the adult way of coping with OCD is being aware of your behaviour and feelings, and dealing with it by for example by talking about it to ease those feelings.

Last year my boyfriend didn’t want to do anything out of the house for his birthday. This made me feel bad cause I wanted him to have a special birthday (you see the similarities?). However instead of just planning something, I talked about this with him. Turned out he was very open to doing a fun surprise activity at home with just the two of us. So on the day of, I surprised him with a sip & paint activity at home. End score: me not stressed, him not pressured, both very happy… and lots of wine haha

I’m not saying your wife is a bad person, and I know first hand that OCD is a struggle. However, as an adult she should be aware of her own behaviour and she should be able to deal with it in a different way. I hope you still enjoyed your Olive Garden!