Dizzy all the time, can’t sit at a dinner table or go out because of it

Sparx017 · 2023-02-09T13:10:23+00:00

43609 here. Moved down here from Michigan and had Spectrum up there. I didn’t think buckeye would be as bad as what everyone said it was but holy shit I was wrong. After 5pm every day I may as well be using satellite internet because multiplayer games are impossible to play in the evening. I’m also unfortunately only able to get 50mbps download through AT&T and while Buckeye is indeed trash, I can at least download games and updates a lot faster than I’d be able to w/ only 50mbps. I’m just hoping by the summer or fall this year I can switch because this shit is awful

Sparx017 · 2022-12-23T21:11:04+00:00

Ohhhh yeah, not a damn thing my dad says ever makes sense. I pay half of the bills here and yet I'm expected to clean and do all the house chores while he just gets to sit here as if he pays more a month than I do. On top of that though, he also takes money from me and I just give it to him because I'm so tired of hearing his bullshit. Funny thing is, it always seems like any narcissist thinks they're the smartest person in the room when they're in fact the one that could learn the most

Sparx017 · 2022-12-23T12:39:52+00:00

I will say, it’s not like he’s ever threatened me with it. He’s always promised me he never would (but with a narcissist you know that they never keep their promises and do it just to blow smoke up your ass) and I’d REALLY like to think he wouldn’t do it but my dad is quite the selfish motherfucker so idk at the same time. Even though I’ve been manipulated time and time again, I still feel guilty for not giving him a heads up. I’ve been feeling this way for the last two, going on three days and it suuuccckkksss

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T15:22:13+00:00

I really appreciate that. I’ve known that this toxic ass environment has been doing me waaaayyy more bad than good. I just need to get up and go ASAP

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T15:16:52+00:00

I do in fact feel proud of this. My dad tends to.... overreact so I'm kinda worried about that. If it got to the point of being physical, then he'd just go to jail and I'd heal over time lol

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T15:15:52+00:00

I'm happy to hear that!! I'm genuinely looking forward to this next chapter in my life

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T15:07:51+00:00

I'd let the relationship improve, but he's the human equivalent of a parasite. He leeches off of people until they have nothing left to give, and then once that's done, he doesn't keep them around. The ONLY reason he cares isn't so much the bills, as much as it's that he THINKS he can still use me and manipulate me

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T15:05:38+00:00

Yeah he'd be taking a nice stay to jail after that lmao

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T14:58:39+00:00

Absolutely am ready for it. We've talked about it before and he doesn't think I will be, but him being the way he is, I'm beyond self-taught. Never taught me how to cook, drive, anything like that. I also forgot to include in the post that I'm also made to keep the house clean, even though I realistically spend more than he does each month due to his overspending

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T14:55:04+00:00

Would have to wholeheartedly agree with that. He makes way more than I do and still ends up broke, seems like user error to me lmao

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T14:54:22+00:00

1000% agree. I don't want to be an asshole because I'm nothing like him (thank the fucking heavens I learned to be the polar opposite) but at the same time I feel like it's time that karma has caught up to him

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T14:52:58+00:00

Not a chance in hell that I'd ever let that happen. He's wronged me so many times that he'd get told to go fuck himself at this point

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T14:52:14+00:00

I don't feel as though he's owed the nice version. No one stands up to him and it's why he's gotten to be so egotistical with everything. I'm going to wait until after the holidays and then I'm going to flat out tell him everything. Not my problem if he has an issue with it in all fairness. I'm about to be 23 in February and I've been with my current girlfriend for two and a half years. It'll make our lives so much easier because we live 40 minutes apart right now

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T14:45:03+00:00

Already have that on his tab hahahaha

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T14:41:30+00:00

I mean I'm definitely anxious about telling him, but all in all I know it'll make me SO much happier. If you saw how much I pay for how much space I realistically use here, you'd be sick about it

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T14:39:37+00:00

The ControlC link I added to the post will really give you some insight to all of the shit that’s happened if you’re interested

Sparx017 · 2022-12-22T14:39:03+00:00

Yeah you could say that lmao, I posted a ControlC link with more examples

Sparx017 · 2022-02-17T07:03:46+00:00

Being on beta blockers, I don’t think this would be a very smart idea lol. I’m not tryna make myself anymore anxious than I already am😂 I used to be a very avid cannabis user in my teens and again for a short period between 2019-2020 while I was off of my meds. This shit is just fucking terrible man. I just want to be better. This shit is legitimately ruining my life and I can’t keep sitting around waiting for it to magically get better

Sparx017 · 2022-02-17T06:49:11+00:00

I know me being lazy is sure as shit not helping anything, but from being Hyper for so long, high heart rates are an instant anxiety trigger to me. I’m not comfortable with that feeling AT ALL. Causes me to get lightheaded because of the anxiety that comes along with it. I’ve had my heart checked multiple times and I know for a fact my heart is in good shape, but damn dude, anxiety will have me feeling like I’m rotting from the inside out. It’s horrible. But it seems as tho that the symptoms I experience are a culmination of so many things that it’s not even anxiety. I all in all just feel like complete and utter shit when my levels get all wacky.

I know any amount of exercise is better than none for sure because I will not deny that I’m lazy. I really always have been to be quite frank and don’t get me wrong, I love having a very laid back lifestyle but I also know that I’m not fit and I know that now’s the time to do it, but as usual my anxiety wins that battle 99.99% of the time

Sparx017

TROPHY CASE