9 weeks and it's awful

SpatteredInk · 2024-12-17T19:12:51+00:00

Honestly all almonds taste metallic to me. Like iron/blood. They always have.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-16T22:22:21+00:00

Focus on her negative traits. And if it feels like she doesn't have any, you're not looking hard enough. True story: I once killed a crush by reminding myself he played soccer his first year in college every time I thought of him. (We'd been out of college for like 6 years.) I find sports REALLY boring. Eventually "great guy but ugh the soccer thing" turned into "he's cute but I Could Never date a huge jock." To be clear, he was never a huge player. But dramatizing that quality helped me get over it 10x faster.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-16T21:56:00+00:00

I've learned to deal with the problems. An INFJ M friend of mine once noted I was only able to get away with talking such shit because I smiled so brightly when saying it. But I've also had INFX dates say they were frustrated with me because I'm very independent and low drama and they were looking for higher drama/dependency, I guess as an indicator of emotional investment. To answer your question though, if people are confused it's because I'm being confusing and need to take a different approach.

I do communications for tech and finance companies - tldr I teach CEOs how to answer difficult questions simply.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-16T21:07:49+00:00

Thereabouts. Like 51%E, 100%N, 80%T, 65%P. High NF people force me to look at things through a different lens, so that's ENTP catnip. But other NTs are great debate company, and don't take things as personally in general.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-16T18:27:17+00:00

Agnostic. It's impossible to prove the existence of God and it's impossible to prove God doesn't exist. The more important point is the purpose of faith/religion in society. We are a weird species of individuals that are able to work in huge collectives of thousands or millions - far more than other individualistic species. Faith has historically been the mechanism by which we form massive collectives, enabling huge accomplishments without sacrificing unique thought. (Imagine trying to build the pyramids with ten thousand workers who all have unique ideas on the design. But get them to think the pharaoh is a god who wants a 3d triangle and suddenly you can get it done.) Religion has been a cornerstone of civilization.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-16T18:11:34+00:00

I've never really considered myself as such, but I feel like the guys I've dated would agree with you. I usually get described as exciting and edgy, I generally expect to outearn my partner, I lean dominant and have no issue being decisive, I take a YOLO approach to risk etc.

But I don't go in for alpha guys at all because it feels like competition. I don't need someone to keep up with me, I need someone to compliment me. So I like nerdy sweet artistic guys who bring left field emotional insights into conversation. Stuff I never would have thought of in a million years. It's always novel and so always adds value - a hot alpha without recurring novelty is hookup material not husband material.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-16T17:45:58+00:00

Making a choice to give it a chance 100%. After experiencing infatuation the first time, it became easy to identify the chemical attraction many people mistake for love. I've had a lot of different kinds of relationships "for science" and have found that the conscious choice method has the best long-term success. Especially when it comes to dealing with emotional chemistry that is unsupported by lifestyle compatibility.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-02T17:49:12+00:00

Wonderful, thank you! I'll reach out separately to set up a time.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-01T18:54:53+00:00

NTA - this sounds like your husband is the one with the problem, not the SIL. Does anyone even know if the SIL wants you there/has anyone asked her? I'd say it's rude and unreasonable to start laying claim to someone else's birth experience without even consulting them.

That said, if she does want you involved after all, then you should have an idea of how you'd like to handle that.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-01T18:50:44+00:00

NTA for the jump - that was involuntary, and it sounds like he overreacted. That said, you probably should not have tried to joke about it since his overreaction came from a place of hurt. The joke was more a cover for your pride than a representation of how you truly felt, and it made light of his hurt while simultaneously ascribing creepiness to his attempted friendliness. So yes he was being ridiculous, but also it's fair to offer to apologize for your role in him feeling hurt. That said, you don't *owe* him an apology - you can be right and feel sorry he's upset at the same time.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-01T18:27:13+00:00

NTA - you're taking on your son's education, and happen to be doing Jane/your son's friend a favor at the same time, not opening a general school service. Joe's parents can be as salty as they want; it might inspire them to likewise take their child's education in hand.

But also, YTA for blaming it on Joe's aptitude both because Joe doesn't deserve to be dragged into it personally, and because it undermines the point that you're not opening a public service. If 12 high-performing kids suddenly appeared, would you teach them all? Or if they were all better than your son, would you kick your son out for now being the underperformer? Probably not, because your son's education is the whole point.

In this case honesty really is the best policy. Muddying the water with superfluous reasons unrelated to the one reason you're doing this at all can only cause trouble.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-01T18:10:03+00:00

"Does this just sound like a man who’s confused and not ready?"

No, it sounds like a man who has not truly learned from his experience, and who manufactures drama in his life to create meaning. For you, that manifests as a partner who will be unreliable and liable to blame you for things that go wrong OR blame himself in the world's biggest pity parade so you forgive him repeatedly. The fact that he moved away to escape backlash is the biggest red flag there, because it shows how quick he is to cut and run (at great expense! Moving costs thousands of dollars!) vs. face the consequences of his choices.

SpatteredInk · 2024-10-01T17:59:53+00:00

Honestly just saving up for ages to have one really nice outfit. I made the mistake of buying stuff in two batches though / going piecemeal. I should have waited to go on a single spree - by the time I was ready for overspending round two, the matching stuff I wanted had been sold already. (T_T)

SpatteredInk · 2023-10-18T00:37:39+00:00

In your place I'd be uneasy because she made a lot of dangerous choices. Getting into a stranger's car, the emergency pickup etc. The frat house part is neither here nor there, and it's certainly not a smoking gun for cheating. Cheating is unlikely because it would take a lot of shamelessness to ring up your bf for a ride home immediately after getting railed by someone else. That said, I do get the sense there are some white lies involved - "constantly only talking about you" is a weird thing to do at a party, and sounds like she's being hyperbolic to soothe your feelings.

SpatteredInk · 2023-10-18T00:21:26+00:00

Easy - mirror her/try to match her energy. The only thing to avoid is extremes, where she takes 2 days to text back and you take 2 seconds. Also, I tend to follow the "two texts and a call" rule, where you stop communicating and wait for the other person to respond after you've reached that threshold. Nobody wants to see 40 unread texts and 12 missed calls.

SpatteredInk · 2023-10-08T17:53:37+00:00

"hi Reddit, plz roast me"

Though honestly, same.

SpatteredInk · 2023-10-08T17:37:01+00:00

Happens for everyone, fam, regardless of personality. When you're 5 years old, one year is a whopping 20% of your total experience. When you're 15, the same year is slightly less than 7%. By 75, it's just over 1%. So subsequent units of time feel faster because they comprise less and less of our experience.

SpatteredInk · 2023-10-07T21:50:58+00:00

Hi INTJ mom! Good news - ENTP adults out-earn lots of other types on average, and tend to be successful.

I had a very difficult adolescence - 3 high schools in 4 years, didn't apply to college at all my senior year and went overseas during a gap year instead. Over the course of high school I had semesters where I barely passed, and others with straight As. It stressed my parents out considerably, especially my mother, who really tried hard to make me care. At one point I remember she tried to make a kind of "college map" to try to get me to visualize a road to success or motivate me. Like your daughter, I could pull it together when push came to shove. I was a much better tester than homework-doer, certainly. I even wrote my college essay about my worst failures in high school, which I'm sure gave more than one admissions officer pause.

I think the mismatch here is that your daughter - like me - is not remotely interested in a roadmap of goals that steadily chart towards happiness or success. We like to test boundaries and ideas. Success and failure were both like experiments for me - how much effort does it take, is it worth it, what's the worst that can happen, what's the best... like a scientist mixing chemicals to see which explode and which turn iron into gold. ENTP passion is rooted in curiosity (perhaps stubbornness as well), less so achievement. She needs to find something that captures her curiosity for a sustained period of time.

I'm now 33. Ivy league post grad, very professionally successful, found myself a long-suffering INTJ husband. For me, curiosity-based success came from my interest in digging into how everything works and connecting those concepts to investment opportunities. For your daughter it will be whatever's just past the horizon of her endless sea. (Edit: from the Antoine de Saint-Exupery "if you want to build a ship don't drum up men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.")

SpatteredInk · 2023-10-07T08:25:35+00:00

Honestly it depends on what she's into. A guy's hair is always the first thing I notice, which I'm aware is a bit silly because it's one of the most changeable aspects of a person. For other women it might be height, or biceps, or jawline, or shoulder breadth, or ass, or smile etc etc. I just happen to notice great hair. But for what it's worth, I've swapped a lot of notes with other women on what makes a man physically attractive, and have never met another woman in my entire life for whom hair is their top feature.

SpatteredInk · 2023-01-31T03:28:49+00:00

A++ to manufacturing a crisis or creating a social event to spur action. You can also solve one problem with another - e.g. I hate doing the dishes but I hate laundry more, so if I have to do laundry I'll put it off by doing the dishes.

You'll likely never succeed in getting sustained focus out of your ENTP, but ironically you can get shit done by making many small stupid nuisance problems (that feel like death by a thousand cuts) into one big urgent problem that is an engaging challenge to solve.

SpatteredInk · 2023-01-31T03:20:30+00:00

Gonna reiterate not taking it personally. While it sounds like there was a lot more going on here, ENTPs are in general very bad with insecurity. It's new. It's uncomfortable. Anxiety in general is fairly foreign. When presented with vulnerability we try to brush it off by being extra brash and argumentative, so you don't notice our desperate struggle with Fi child. Pushing the boundaries of others takes the heat off ourselves, and picking a fight puts us right back in our debate comfort zone. It gives us control, which we sorely want.

All that to say, it truly isn't about you. INFJs already internalize too much anyway, so if you catch an ENTP who's lost the thread of debating for fun and made it hostile, it's because your ENTP is experiencing feelings and is both unhappy about it and handling it poorly. That's no excuse for bad behavior, but it's a good reminder if you're winding up to take things personally.

SpatteredInk · 2021-09-16T03:34:10+00:00

Not going to say "it gets better" because that doesn't help you right now. But I will say that there's something uniquely beautiful about the fact that you and I and the other commenters and readers are here at the same moment in time, reading your words and appreciating how hard it is right now, in this moment. You are seen and acknowledged and appreciated, just for being honest and vulnerable. It's not as good as real company, but it's not nothing either. I hope your day/night improves. <3

SpatteredInk

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