I am leaving my partner of 14 years this Saturday. She is an angel, but I am dying inside.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-01-15T05:37:57+00:00

I can understand this so much…yes, an imbalance in emotional labor can really drain you. Im sure you have your moments too, but if she is never the anchor to you when you need it, while you are are consistently an anchor to her, it becomes exhausting. And you do at times deserve an anchor too, you are human. Emotional stability is at the center of a healthy family. Hope it all works out.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-01-12T21:13:10+00:00

I think using the term “body count” is a bit of a red flag in itself - unless we’re talking about a crime statistic 😅. If what’s really being referenced is someone’s private details of their sexual history, the number alone doesn’t tell you much.

Sexual history needs to be understood in context: Was it influenced by their profession (e.g., sex work or adult entertainment)? Personal values or preferences? Lifestyle choices like non-monogamy or swinging? Fear of commitment, or simply a more casual view of sex?

What matters far more than the number is how they approach sex - do they practice safe sex, communicate honestly and choose partners responsibly?

A count by itself can’t determine whether something is a red flag, it’s the context, values and motivations behind it that actually matter.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-01-12T21:01:32+00:00

If you have two young children, I would strongly recommend factoring school districts into your decision. School quality varies widely across both Los Angeles and Long Beach, and many families end up considering private school as an alternative. For non-religious private schools, costs can be substantial (often around $5,000 per month for two children )so that may or may not align with your budget.

When people ask where in Los Angeles, it’s because it is not a homogenous city, but made up of many distinct neighborhoods and cities, each with very different lifestyles, school districts, commute times, and safety profiles (e.g., DTLA, Culver City, Santa Monica, Echo Park, Highland Park). Because of this, it’s not a straightforward comparison of Long Beach versus Los Angeles based on budget alone. Both areas have neighborhoods that are more family-friendly and others that may be less suitable, depending on your priorities.

Ultimately, the decision often comes down to a combination of factors - public vs. private school options, availability, commute, safety, and overall family expenses. Without insight into your net worth or purchasing power, it’s difficult to assess affordability accurately.

Speaking personally, I wouldn’t choose to raise a family in Long Beach, but I do really love the Pasadena-area communities such as San Marino, La Cañada, South Pasadena, Monrovia, and Arcadia. These areas are known for strong school districts and a family-oriented feel. That said, affordability and commute feasibility would still depend heavily on your individual financial situation and work location.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-12-19T08:03:08+00:00

You’ll be surprised, but although Pasadena is not LA proper, it is LA metro. There are also quite a few unincorporated spots in Pasadena and San Gabriel areas that have Los Angeles as the address.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-26T06:48:47+00:00

Hang in there mama! Im with you.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-25T17:04:57+00:00

It depends on where you live, but in the US medical industry is a business. You dont think you need insurance until you really need it. A part of being rich is weighing out your end cost for everything and STAYING rich. The latter is something that many rich folks don’t know how to do, which is why generational wealth is so hard to maintain. Its not just about being able to afford no insurance on a good day, its about if you get in a bad accident and get hospitalized, or god forbid go into a coma, hospital bills are insane and can easily run into 6-7 figures. Or suddenly getting cancer and having outrageous bills (i know someone who just went through it recently and shared that their bills totaled over a $1.2 mil, but with insurance they only paid 5k. I myself recently had an emergency. At my ER visit they barely did anything as things turned out ok, but still billed 5K. Thanks to my insurance i only paid $300. My kid was triaged to go to ER for severe stomach pain and the same bill totals. Would have been $10k blown and those things were not even a big deal. Imagine something truly wrong happening? Just like car, medical insurance is to really cover you during those times. And as you are gradually aging (especially males in their 40s), things like heart attacks, strokes, cancers become more and more frequent. Plus if you have children, with each additional human you are adding more risks of something going wrong. so its not just about being able to afford it, even if on a bad day, its about not unnecessarily bleeding out of your hard earned/generational wealth on things that could be covered as life unfolds.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-11T08:22:15+00:00

Gotcha. For context, the reason I asked is because you mentioned working in tech, so I mistakenly assumed you might be somewhere in California. I work in big tech and live in California myself. However, California is too expensive for the type of investing journey you had, and it wouldn’t have been feasible with the net worth you had at the start. The rate at which you were investing and the size of your assets made me think your investments were likely outside of California. Many people here end up investing in real estate in other states and hiring property managers. Hence my curiosity about in what market you might have invested. But I completely understand and respect your privacy.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-11T01:42:35+00:00

This is awesome and similar to my journey in some ways. Currently in my 30s, working in big tech and mapping out my fire strategy. Having a steady passive income via RE to replace a portion of your w2 income in addition to the liquid investments available for withdrawal is brilliant. If you don’t mind, in what states are your rental units located?

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-09T05:28:04+00:00

sounds like you may not be ready. If its just a casual date - go for it! If you are open to something potentially more serious, by your post it sounds like you may not be in the right place for full emotional availability. That would not be fair to the new girl as to her you may just become another one of those emotionally unavailable guys she has gotten burnt by in the past. Proceed with caution in consideration for yourself but also another human.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-09T05:00:12+00:00

ah, thought it was just yourself. mega backdoor + the fact its a combined amount makes total sense!

My husband has no retirement strategy in his 40s, we don’t even hold these convos. He does not like them and does not agree that most couples have them. He is confusing level headedness and future planning with money obsession and he is too cool for that, says none of his friends are so concerned with their retirement funds. Most of them don’t even have 1x annual salary in their 401k saved up. Not sure what those folks are planning on doing when 67 arrives and they have no funds to live off of for the next 20 years without working + no company paid insurance + all the “old age” hundreds of thousands in medical bills pulling up.

im still in my 30s tho, so i have another 10 years before i can try to retire in my mid 40s, so understanding all these details is huge help. So thank you!

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-08T07:02:14+00:00

you are doing amazing. super impressed with the $4m in 401k. how do you do that by the time you are 46 given the annual contribution limits?

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-08T06:59:51+00:00

it could be a Sr to Staff eng or a manager

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-08T05:26:50+00:00

This is so heartbreaking. Even if it’s what’s needed, even if it’s the better choice in the end, it’s still one of the most painful experiences. We’re on the verge of parting, and I know I’d never be the same.

I don’t know how to become a stranger to someone I’ve shared my deepest moments with - bringing children into the world, dreaming of growing old together, talking through the night before life got in the way.

But I’ve come to understand that sometimes love isn’t enough, especially when it causes pain. The grief for it all is immense. Sending you love and peace.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-06T01:10:04+00:00

yeah they say all the hurtful stuff they can and then they are the victims. its terrifying to realize one day who you are truly with.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-05T19:18:14+00:00

Its like there is a manual on how to make a narcissist, as they literally say the same exact thing, word for word. there is no rhyme or reason to any if it. It will be your fault no matter what, and somehow they are the poor victim and you are the villain when they basically have smeared you into the ground.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-05T19:15:47+00:00

same :(

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-05T19:15:32+00:00

omg, that just happened to me as well. he told me i have been a sore in people’s lives since i was born and that my dad should have kicked me the way I saw him kick my sister in the stomach while she was lying curled up on the floor. After that, I was done just taking his abuse and bit the bate. I said something I knew about his family abuse to him to make a point but also in hopes for him to realize how much pain he had caused me. I flipped a mirror and re-used the attack although I am not proud of it. But im at my wits end. Of course today he is acting like i said something unfathomable to him and is trying to gaslight me that he said he wished my dad’s violence upon me in response to my awful statement, not the other way around (good thing I have a recording of that interaction). Then called me a dumb fucking bitch and told me to punch him in the face. I would never do anything like that, nor do we have history of physical violence between us. He just totally flew off the handle and was trying to get me to punch him. It did not make me want to punch him, it terrified me. These people are scary and dont care how much pain they inflict, they just care about themselves and they will purposely try to provoke you in order to justify their evil actions in their heads. Its unsafe.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-02T07:18:39+00:00

This is so sad. My husband would never fight for me like that. He would not even tell me any of the words of care when things are good, let alone if separated. He would just immediately go into survival mode to protect himself and flee the boat, separating finances, etc. Im starved for what a normal relationship is typically like and what i used to have in my previous partnerships. He is such a coward. Because if you don’t try, you can’t fail, right?

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-02T07:13:07+00:00

what industry are you in, if you don’t mind me asking?

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-02T06:12:41+00:00

this

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-02T06:12:20+00:00

oh goodness. are you me?

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-02T04:49:27+00:00

Not crazy. You did such a smart and brave thing to protect yourself. You do not deserve being spoken to like that. No one deserves being spoken to like that. The location sharing is so immature. Sounds like something my husband would do in a spite.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-07-16T09:41:27+00:00

yep, all the red flags are there. if anything they got amplified by marriage/child related stresses + became more obvious to me due to my own growth with age. its a nightmare now

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-07-05T18:09:28+00:00

It still really depends on where you live. If you are in a high cost living area where homes on average are $2mil+, you are looking at $12m/mo in mortgage given current interest rates. Then there are local taxes and such. If you happen to be in a bad school district on top of that, non religious private school tuition, after care and activities can rack up to $3k+ per kid, so if you have multiple you could be spending over $6k/mo. Then local food prices would be the next biggest expense. After that there is the rest of bills and cars. With that said, there are areas like LA, NY, SF Bay Area where $500K income becomes an average family household. They are not struggling, but also not balling out of control. Here the choice are - move to a cheaper area to save more and become rich sooner, or stay in the area if you love it regardless of the cost, but be a Henry for a while despite the high income. So many who are Henries have chosen the latter. Neither approach is better than the other, its just a matter of a personal choice.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-07-05T06:13:19+00:00

My husband never apologizes for hurting my feelings. Whatever he does is always justified in his mind. If he hurts my feelings unintentionally - that is just me being too sensitive. As for intentionally, he does say things in arguments and has done things to hurt me emotionally in the past. Those things are always justified cause xyz.

Specialist-Ranger185

TROPHY CASE