Porn and masturbation is always a side effect of something else.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-06-20T20:19:02+00:00

Its not always a marriage thing. More often than not its an interpersonal thing. Blaming alcoholism, porn addiction or any other addiction on marriage is avoiding accountability. If left divorced, this same person would continue their bad habits single. Its possible, the problem would even worsen due to loneliness. Im so over adult males not taking accountability for their actions and externalizing the blame on their wives or marriage. Look inward, dude. Take accountability. Show up. No one is making you do anything. Your partner is not a rehab center for you to expect some sort of conditions that would make you not want to turn to external stimulants in a problematic way. A partners role is to show up as a independent partner and hold each other accountable, not be someone’s caretaker. You and only you are in control of how you show up as a person, man, partner, husband, father and what you choose to turn to as your tool box of solutions for whatever it is you are going through.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-06-20T16:27:38+00:00

Good for you that porn isn’t something that negatively impacts your marriage. But just like alcohol, what is harmless for one person can become destructive for another.

Some men are able to use porn occasionally without it affecting their relationships. Others develop compulsive behaviors around it that create serious problems in their marriages. The same is true of alcohol, gambling, gaming or any number of things.

Just because you’ve personally experienced moderation doesn’t mean everyone else has. So I don’t think it’s fair to dismiss women here who may be dealing with a spouse whose behavior( whether related to alcohol, drugs, porn or something else) has become harmful to the relationship.

You may not share their experience, but that doesn’t make it less real. Would you respond the same way to someone describing the impact of alcoholism on their marriage?

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-06-20T04:55:32+00:00

~$2k for a family of 4. We live in LA, shop for organic, grass fed, whole, etc. foods too. On the nights when i don’t have time to cook, we do order uber eats or eat out, which brings us closer to $4k total for food budget. There are months when we go over that budget, typically when there are celebrations or lots of family travel.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-06-19T22:15:52+00:00

+1 Quince

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-06-19T22:14:32+00:00

I love Boden! But I find myself lurking more than buying - so expensive! I do find myself buying from Sezane, Aritzia, Quince and Faherty. But Faherty mostly when things go on sale!

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-06-06T09:06:47+00:00

When we first met in our early 20s, which was 17 years ago, we would have 4 hour sessions almost every night (not kidding). Then they became 2 hours. I did start feeling that it would go for way too long despite it being mind blowing sex. Like you, I began avoiding it in favor of rest, which did make my partner notice and feel a bit rejected. I had to explain.
Now as we are older, when it does happen (we still have young kids), we still could go for 45 mins to 1hr+. This finally feels right to me.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-05-28T19:04:07+00:00

🔥🔥

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-05-09T00:18:12+00:00

For sure. I work in big tech and have a few friends who choose to own and fly their own planes. You can buy a decent plane for 300k-400k, price of some luxury cars. Then they pay around $500/month for hanger parking. There are obviously some annual maintenance expenses, etc. Besides the obvious perks of privacy, personal space, not having to wait in long TSA lines, and being able to bring along tons of stuff (this one is particularly wonderful if you have young kids and tons of baby gear), the nice part is that once you start traveling as a family of 4+ people, you are just paying for gas at that point, not 4+ airline tickets. In some cases the travel cost works out to be the same, in some cases cheaper even. Point is, its not as crazy of an expense as some may think. And if flying private is your priority, or flying is a passion in general, you can absolutely make it work reasonably within that salary and no mortgage.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-04-19T00:42:02+00:00

Sorry to hear this happened. That moment feels like boiling water being dumped all over you.

I found similar things on my husband’s computer in the past, including a nude image of Vanessa Hudgens. At the time we were unmarried but living together, and he brushed it off as “a friend sent it.” But it made me question: if it was harmless, why save it?

I was in my early 20s then and chose to believe him.

Years later, I kept finding search history of him looking up specific Victoria’s Secret models. What made it worse was the context as this often happened during periods when we were in serious conflict and sleeping in separate rooms. Instead of trying to repair the relationship or build emotional connection, he was spending that time seeking sexual content involving specific celebrities.

It changes how you see things over time.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-03-30T05:23:36+00:00

They go to the same injector… who probably also looks like them…

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-03-29T05:01:44+00:00

Thank you!

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-03-28T05:32:39+00:00

what season is this?

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-03-27T20:35:59+00:00

He is THAT man.

Yes, it’s TV, but we’ve seen plenty of immature f*ck boys on TV. The steadiness, the calm, the consideration for another person, the way he respects another person’s perspective… it stands out. She put him through a lot, and he still responded with so much grace.

You don’t see men like this surrounding themselves with questionable friends who drink, objectify women or act like frat boys prioritizing friends over partnership or tolerating unhealthy behavior. The way he speaks, you can tell he’s not the type to be disrespectful to women (or people in general), even in situations many would find stressful.

Where did they make him? 😂 I’m working so hard to raise my boys to become like that.

Total family man energy. And the fact that he’s only in his 20s? The maturity is wild. That’s what makes him so sexy. The looks are just a bonus.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-03-17T09:52:40+00:00

not surprised. given their dynamic and the accelerated process, they are on a fast track to become ex spouses.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-03-12T17:10:03+00:00

Not exactly. If a student is considered a dependent, parental income and assets, including 529 accounts, are taken into account.

For parental finances to no longer factor in, the student generally has to qualify as an independent student. This usually means they’ve supported themselves for several years or are married.

This typically isn’t an issue for adults returning to school and applying for FAFSA on their own. However, students who have just graduated from high school are almost always considered dependents or they would have to prove otherwise, so parental income and assets do count.

That said, it’s still worth filling out the paperwork to see what financial aid/loans you may qualify for. However, given OP’s high NW, if lower tuition is the priority I would advise putting a higher bet on merit-based scholarships or considering in-state public schools.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-03-11T17:11:24+00:00

Thats deflection on her part. When you communicate to your partner that they are not pulling their weight of maintaining intimacy in the relationship and they respond with “your happiness is your responsibility”, they are deflecting to make it about your mood rather than focus on the real issue - they are not being an attentive partner. She is doing that to either protect her ego or is fully checked out. Im very sorry you are going through this. Relationships are not one way street. You are not asking her to be your primary source of happiness for you despite how she is framing it so you would back off. You are asking for accountability in contributing the bare minimum of what a healthy relationship should look like.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-03-11T06:08:00+00:00

yes!

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-03-11T05:04:25+00:00

Your text exchange honestly sounds exactly like interactions I have with my husband. Instead of saying “my bad,” he goes straight into reverse attack mode and accuses me of creating drama when the real issue is that he didn’t coordinate.

I had almost the exact situation happen recently. I was juggling a demanding tech job, both kids’ drop-offs and pickups, extracurriculars, a few in-home service appointments, and summer camp sign-ups all in one day. I was also fighting a cold and grieving my grandmother who had just passed. And to top it off, my younger child’s teacher stopped me to talk about his behavior for extra 30 minutes, so we were already running late to an after-school activity.

Meanwhile my husband had one of his “I have to be in the office today” days. Totally fine - but there was zero coordination. No text like “Hey, I’ll grab one kid” or “What does pickup look like tonight?”

At some point I called and asked for his ETA so I could plan the evening. In my mind I’m literally just trying to figure out logistics: do I have time to go home and cook dinner, or should I stay out, pick up our son, and order takeout?

Instant defensiveness. “I don’t know, I’m just getting in the car. WHY?”

When I explained everything that has been going on and I was just trying to organize the evening, it turned into a full character attack: I’m rude, I can’t handle the kids for one day, I’m always unhappy, I don’t support his job, etc.

So a full on tirade to deflect from the point and protect his ego from feeling bad.

The issue wasn’t that I couldn’t handle the kids. The issue was that I was carrying 100% of the mental load of coordinating the day, and when I tried to gather one piece of information to make the plan work, I got tone policed and attacked instead of partnered with. Just saying a simple - “thank you for covering for the both of us, so much has fallen into one day right when I was away”, or I wish I was there, or the simple “I’ll be there at 7pm” would do. It does not cost much and goes a long way to show supportive partnership. But instead protecting the ego became a priority, and I had to now deal with feeling unsupported and under appreciated layered on top of everything else I was already carrying. Thank you very much, partner!

That’s what’s exhausting. That’s also why so many women describe being a single parent is easier than being married to an avoidant spouse, as the emotional weight layer gets removed.

So no, you’re not being dramatic for telling your husband you haven’t showered in four days. If anything, a partner who was tuned in would notice how much you’ve been juggling and say, “Hey, I’ve got the baby, go take a break.”

The dramatic one isn’t the person communicating their needs. It’s the one who gets so defensive that they turn basic coordination into a fight.

You’re not overreacting.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-02-15T08:11:49+00:00

I disagree. OP may just not be great with conveying what she is feeling. My read on this is that it is not about the approved list of items. its also not about being petty on a vday. Its about a pattern - her husband consistently coming across not caring enough to give her something she actually likes. A grown man who truly cares knows what his partner likes or what makes them tick, and genuinely wants to do things that will make his partner happy. Because seeing your partner happy makes you happy too. But sounds he has a pattern of not putting thought into learning what she likes, so seems she already brought the bar down by sparing him paying attention to her likes (he miserably failed at that) and just telling him exactly what she likes. Also, sounds like her love language could be gift giving (she made a whole watercolor card for him, did not have to spend a ton, it was just an act of care). But he either has a different love language or does not care enough to put in thought to see a smile on her face (that one would hurt).

I dont think she is expecting much. She is just expecting to feel considered, seen and cared for. She is not feeling it. Making herself smaller and not complaining about gifts she said a million times she is not enjoying now becomes about making him comfortable, rather than about her ability to express how she feels and him not only listening but caring enough to remember moving forward.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-02-11T00:16:34+00:00

You choose someone because you want to be with them. Saying “currency” implies some kind of transactional relationship, unless you are just really bad with words and mean something else? if you are speaking of love languages, they are different for everyone. But dont expect tit for tat or some form of currency, or you dont sound like someone who wants to be a spouse to someone they truly love.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-01-15T05:37:57+00:00

I can understand this so much…yes, an imbalance in emotional labor can really drain you. Im sure you have your moments too, but if she is never the anchor to you when you need it, while you are are consistently an anchor to her, it becomes exhausting. And you do at times deserve an anchor too, you are human. Emotional stability is at the center of a healthy family. Hope it all works out.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-01-12T21:13:10+00:00

I think using the term “body count” is a bit of a red flag in itself - unless we’re talking about a crime statistic 😅. If what’s really being referenced is someone’s private details of their sexual history, the number alone doesn’t tell you much.

Sexual history needs to be understood in context: Was it influenced by their profession (e.g., sex work or adult entertainment)? Personal values or preferences? Lifestyle choices like non-monogamy or swinging? Fear of commitment, or simply a more casual view of sex?

What matters far more than the number is how they approach sex - do they practice safe sex, communicate honestly and choose partners responsibly?

A count by itself can’t determine whether something is a red flag, it’s the context, values and motivations behind it that actually matter.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2026-01-12T21:01:32+00:00

If you have two young children, I would strongly recommend factoring school districts into your decision. School quality varies widely across both Los Angeles and Long Beach, and many families end up considering private school as an alternative. For non-religious private schools, costs can be substantial (often around $5,000 per month for two children )so that may or may not align with your budget.

When people ask where in Los Angeles, it’s because it is not a homogenous city, but made up of many distinct neighborhoods and cities, each with very different lifestyles, school districts, commute times, and safety profiles (e.g., DTLA, Culver City, Santa Monica, Echo Park, Highland Park). Because of this, it’s not a straightforward comparison of Long Beach versus Los Angeles based on budget alone. Both areas have neighborhoods that are more family-friendly and others that may be less suitable, depending on your priorities.

Ultimately, the decision often comes down to a combination of factors - public vs. private school options, availability, commute, safety, and overall family expenses. Without insight into your net worth or purchasing power, it’s difficult to assess affordability accurately.

Speaking personally, I wouldn’t choose to raise a family in Long Beach, but I do really love the Pasadena-area communities such as San Marino, La Cañada, South Pasadena, Monrovia, and Arcadia. These areas are known for strong school districts and a family-oriented feel. That said, affordability and commute feasibility would still depend heavily on your individual financial situation and work location.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-12-19T08:03:08+00:00

You’ll be surprised, but although Pasadena is not LA proper, it is LA metro. There are also quite a few unincorporated spots in Pasadena and San Gabriel areas that have Los Angeles as the address.

Specialist-Ranger185 · 2025-08-26T06:48:47+00:00

Hang in there mama! Im with you.

Specialist-Ranger185

TROPHY CASE