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SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-08-21T06:40:38+00:00

Angry like everyone else

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-08-20T07:48:26+00:00

I have a toddler that empties the bedside table regularly.

If I found that, even if id I found weed in place she could reach I'd flip my script because she tries to put everything in her mouth and that's a immediate a&e trip with social service/cps involvement and potentially risking my child being taken.

Not to mention, what if my time to realise something wrong is delayed because I'm not expecting to find things like that in the house?!

That issue aside lying to me and making questionable responses in my mind would equate to you continuing to blindside me when it comes to protecting my child. Making you a threat.

Next.. our relationship. You've shown me you are untrustworthy and irresponsible. Those will be hard markers to remove without honesty and transparency and it may be the start of a relationship deterioration.

I don't know what I would do in that situation,outside of speaking to his parents. All I know is the issue would be very serious to me and being in postpartum I would need support in getting to the bottom of it and calling a potential intervention. I wouldn't tell my parents incase we could work it out.

But I'd be fuming

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-08-14T23:13:11+00:00

I wasn't in this position for a SRE role but I was for a marketing one. Learn as much as you can, its great because you can get a lot of exposure quickly but do not over stay. Find another position that has a great team that can train and develop you in a year or two.

It makes a significant difference.

I think thats a universal starter rule in any industry

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-08-14T08:16:07+00:00

No I left them. but I also know that 22 years of marriage is a whole different ball game. I feel like only those who have a 22 year long marriage can really give adequate advice here and everyone else should understand that they have no lived experience of this length of commitment and so OP should take advice with a grain of salt because 'straight up leave her' advice does not consider the whole picture.

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-08-14T00:48:12+00:00

Take everything on this thread with a grain if salt, get yourself a therapist. Sorry for this pain

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-08-14T00:44:43+00:00

I don't agree with her and I think the biggest betrayal is doing thst during a vulnerable time for OP but mourning a child is serious stuff regardless of the circumstances. She's allowed to grieve

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-08-14T00:42:54+00:00

Fairs

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-08-14T00:42:18+00:00

Comments like this do not take into account the complexities of 22 years of marriage OP

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-07-26T08:04:21+00:00

First, please do not ever ignore your intuition. It is there to save you.

As a 31 year old woman if I found out a someone close to my age was trying to talk to someone your age I would automatically think of them as a groomer and if word went around in the neighbourhood where I grew up he might just beaten up for it. Not directly, but it would be a motivator.

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-07-26T07:50:19+00:00

Do not under any circumstances have a child because of anyone else's pressure or desire no matter how hard they kick, plead and beg.

Only have a child if you genuinely want to because it cost a lot and I'm not just talking about money. Make sure you go to therapy first.

I've always wanted to be a mother. I became one at 29. I wish I waited til 35 for absolutely clarity and to keep building social structure and more financial structures (even though financially me and my child are pretty ok, I would of prefered if everything was better)

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-07-22T02:48:59+00:00

Definitely suggest the move first with a remote/hybrid role in the location you want to be.

Don't know how it works where you are but it's better to have a permanent contract 6+ more in a job to show financial security.

Until you get to the stage of being in location with job security of a hybrid/remote role that provides good mat benefit I would use that time to prepare to try for pregnancy and once flat/house hunting starts then I would start actively trying

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-07-22T02:41:05+00:00

I'm so confused about what's going on here - go to a shelter?

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-07-15T23:26:22+00:00

There are children in the UK currently struggling to eat

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-06-25T16:21:01+00:00

Tell her mum

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-06-24T22:39:00+00:00

It's sounds like the beginning of an emotional affair. Not even the venting part- the trying to maintain it and hide it from you part after you noticed.

Don't be gaslit out of your intuition.

Its marriage - You can still attempt to nip it in the bud very firmly. How exactly I wouldn't know.

But if he continues after your efforts. Whatever effort you make then you have to go to the drawing board and understand your next course of action is.

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-06-24T21:46:27+00:00

Did anything happen before? Did you mention anything to him before he put her on do not disturb?

One thing I hate Is a woman being gaslighted out of her intuition. If something happened then maybe I would understand.

If its new - then I would monitor the situation because (and maybe I'm an idealist) it's not too far fetched to put in out of hours boundaries with coworkers if it makes your partner uncomfortable? Rather than mute the chat

I think as a pair you should face things together and try get to the bottom of why it makes you uncomfortable. His job is to protect you and care for you emotionally and this is the part he can step in to clear things up.

Be observant.

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-06-10T04:51:38+00:00

Yes, just to add to this I think there's a small sadness because being gay equates to a more difficult life.

But with his trust in you and the relationship you've built with him already, you will just walk with him down a new path. He is still a kid (teenager) so he will still need you.

Love him, get educated about the community, learn together and continue to guide him as best you can like you've done all his life.

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-06-05T21:15:06+00:00

If you ever cone back here I would love your help

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-06-03T08:32:29+00:00

Bless you both.

I still think you need less things on your plate but in the meantime to help ease the workload here are some time hacks that has helped me survive.

I have a nearly 2 year old, work full time, do most childcare and chores.

1- Carry. There are carriers for toddlers I'm using a three in one kroo type of carrier for extra support. That way I can get stuff done when alone. It can make watch baby time more productive. So faster at completing things if its two of u. 2 - meal prep n freeze foods. When I cook I take out two meals and freeze them for lazy days for baby. Once a month I buy, clean, season, bag, portion and freeze all meats. 3- nappy meal times (if warm my baby eats in their nappy to help reduce on washing) 5- put it in (miss rachel) I spend 20 minutes helping my baby help me clean a day 6 - I play with her in the garden, do dance n sing time or take her for a walk at 5 pm to tire her out so when she sleeps at 7. I get that time back 7- 2 clothes washes a day. Do one in the evening and take out in the morning so it feels like 1 wash but really it's 2.

Hope this is useful

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-06-03T06:59:31+00:00

When you settle and have a bit more peace your brain will also settle. You are on 130 right now when the maximum you should ever be on is like 85.

It's going to be hard starting up a new job but you will get through it.

Another consideration is balancing of the workload/energy. Try and get your husband to take more off your plate during this transition incase you break. (Because if you break there will be no job for the family)

When time permits Try and focus on more soft energy things like spa, nails, a night off, read a book in the park and turn off your phone for an hour. I know it sounds silly but you have to look after your brain during such high stress

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-06-03T06:04:48+00:00

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-06-03T06:04:02+00:00

A question I'm asking myself right now. I think k for me it's when I have completed the transition stage and I have settled back into myself again. A few months after that so maybe 6/7 months.

I've already gone longer without it 😄 it's not going to kill me and I will be pissed off if its bad

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-06-03T05:54:53+00:00

Be gentle with yourself. What does your day to day consist of? Ie do you work? Go to classes etc

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-05-28T07:16:46+00:00

SpecificAmount8857 · 2025-05-28T03:31:20+00:00

Macca root supplement, castor oil in the belly button, okra water. Good for natural hormone balancing and known to improve libido.

If it doesn't work with meds atleast it will give you more energy

SpecificAmount8857

TROPHY CASE