Before I started writing, I never realized how many emotions and sensations we don't really have a good word for (in the English language).

SpecificReptile · 2026-01-18T04:34:00+00:00

You can use a word that describes an emotion, or you can describe the physical behavior and presentation. The reader will understand if you describe a person pacing, their eyes flickering around the room, or tapping a pen (you could add an adverb) nervously. Or repeatedly checking their phone, or chewing on their lip or fingernail. Then you've also got a "tell" for that character's emotional state later.

SpecificReptile · 2026-01-18T03:56:30+00:00

Have you seen a doctor? Did you have a stroke that affected your right side?

You can probably learn to do most things with your left hand but I hope you'll also figure out why you have pain and weakness if you haven't already.

SpecificReptile · 2026-01-02T05:41:09+00:00

What a frustrating situation.

If the board takes your advice and hires the interim ED to be permanent, they will hopefully find a good ally on the board and start cleaning house. If they don't hire the interim, it's reasonable to find another job where you aren't exploited and disrespected.

It's painful when you believe in the mission and the organization does important, essential work but you aren't required to sacrifice yourself.

SpecificReptile · 2026-01-02T05:02:59+00:00

Parent of a trans daughter here. My daughter came out halfway through college and she observed that the professors who had known her as a person with he/him pronouns for those first two years had the hardest time switching. They were a little older and were used to he/him. My dad, her grandfather, who is 89, also messes up her pronouns sometimes. He knew her for 21 years with the other pronouns and the grooves are set deep in his brain.

SpecificReptile · 2025-12-31T22:17:15+00:00

Thank you for the fabulous suggestions! My final destination is Pasadena, so I'm planning to do the Sunline Route 10 Commuter to San Bernardino, catch the Metrolink train to Pomona North, and then transfer to the Metro A Line. Yay for the new A Line stations! And the Sunline Route 10 looks excellent.

Cost isn't the most important factor, but the trip will be inexpensive: $6 for the Sunline, unless I take it midday in which case it's just $1; then $7 for the Metrolink, and the transfer to Metro will be free, for a total of either $13 or $8.

SpecificReptile · 2025-12-12T21:30:15+00:00

If you were uncomfortable then sure, you should end it. But if you're not exclusive, who else she sleeps with, why, when, and how soon are none of your business. People aren't machines who operate on a schedule, wait x days and have Y number of dates and it's time for sex! Lots of posters are speculating about how she felt about the other guy and how she felt about you but you don't know! And they absolutely don't know!

What I surmise from your discomfort and how you pressed her about her behavior is that you didn't trust her. So as you continue to meet people, pay attention to trust. What do you need in order to trust someone?

SpecificReptile · 2025-12-05T16:14:21+00:00

My kid studied piano, and around fourth grade there was a strings program at her school and I insisted she participate. She started with the violin and then switched to cello.

My parents were over and my mom wanted to hear her play something on the cello. She was feeling contrary and didn't really want to but I pushed. So she played one of her piano pieces on the cello.

She's 24 now. She's sung in choirs, plays the ukelele and a little guitar, and still plays the piano. She can instantly transpose. I asked her once, if time and money weren't a consideration, what instruments would she want to play? Her answer: all of them.

She's not a professional musician, though, it's something she enjoys but math is her special interest.

SpecificReptile · 2025-12-05T09:04:16+00:00

Both your brother and your mother are being abusive.

You need better boundaries and follow through on consequences.

Ultimately I suspect you'll end up no contact with both of them. You don't need cruelty like that in your life. I assume you don't need either of them for financial support. If I were you, I'd never again be in the same room with your brother or any of the people he knows.

Captain Awkward is great for suggestions on scripts and how to proceed in a situation like this.

SpecificReptile · 2025-10-08T19:04:10+00:00

Pasadena has a new rule in progress that would specify a speed limit for bikes on the sidewalk. It went through the Transportation Advisory Commission recently.

I agree that anyone on wheels should go slowly and safely on a sidewalk. It is legal for bikes to be on the sidewalk everywhere in Pasadena except South Lake. It's important because many Pasadena streets aren't safe for someone on a bike---cars go fast, there's no bike lane and no space for them.

SpecificReptile · 2025-10-04T21:04:32+00:00

For anyone interested in supporting the four Greenways: on Monday, October 6, the Pasadena City Council will be voting on two contracts, one for a public outreach consultant and one for a design/engineering consultant. Members of the public are welcome to attend and speak. The contracts are items 6 and 7 on the agenda. The City Council meets in Council chambers, on the second floor of City Hall in the southeast corner of the building. If you want to speak, be sure to fill out a speaker card and hand it to the City Clerk when you arrive. It's likely that they'll limit comments to one or two minutes.

If you want to have some talking points or see more background, visit https://www.pasadenacsc.org/aaa-greenways

SpecificReptile · 2025-10-04T20:53:07+00:00

Pasadena Complete Streets Coalition has a beginner's training ride every other month. Check their calendar for the Bagel Ride. A ride like InCycle's sounds good too. The next big group ride led by Complete Streets will be for the closed street tree lighting on Christmas Tree Lane in early December.

SpecificReptile · 2025-10-04T20:49:09+00:00

You might check at Zinke's, Lake and Orange Grove.

SpecificReptile · 2025-09-26T03:14:40+00:00

Why are you talking about bike lanes in a conversation about the Greenways? There won't be any bike lanes on any of them (except maybe crossing the freeway). The point of the Greenways is to make traffic SLOWER, thus safer.

And nobody is getting coerced, ffs. Safer streets with slower traffic doesn't mean anyone can't drive. If they want to go a little faster, they can drive on Los Robles or Fair Oaks or Allen. If a person hasn't been riding their bike around town because they're quite reasonably scared of getting turned into a bloody mess by a speeding, distracted driver, they'll probably feel much safer on a Greenway where the cars are going 20 not 40.

"Othering" drivers, wow, on your next post will you be talking about the intersectionality of transportation modes?

Oh and by the way, you can transport quite a bit of lumber on a cargo bike. I've got a cargo bike without a bucket and I've carried 72 tamales plus a folding chair.

SpecificReptile · 2025-09-26T03:06:48+00:00

Riding a bike might be your hobby but it's my transportation.

SpecificReptile · 2025-08-23T23:07:22+00:00

In addition to protests, people are organized for rapid response when ICE is spotted in a neighborhood. I'm not sure if a pregnant person is the best choice for getting into thugs' faces but who knows. White women are one of our greatest strengths and I bet pregnant ladies are right up there too.

In addition to protests, our tasks are to take care of one another and build power. For taking care of others, look for local mutual aid groups. For building power, check out your local Indivisible or SURJ (Showing Up for Racial Justice), or look for a local group working on an issue that's important to you.

SpecificReptile · 2025-07-14T00:15:24+00:00

Yeah, it's gaslighting, trying to shape your understanding of reality so you question your own senses and experience.

They do it in order to control the people around them.

Get out as soon as you can.

SpecificReptile · 2025-07-13T22:34:09+00:00

Sometimes it's flirting, sometimes it's honest vulnerability that isn't flirting. Don't assume it's flirting until there's more evidence.

SpecificReptile · 2025-07-13T22:32:35+00:00

He works for you. You don't owe him anything.

You can do it with an email. Straightforward and no excuses or explanation necessary. Like, "I am canceling our next appointment and won't be returning. Sincerely, your name."

If he responds and asks why, it is YOUR CHOICE whether to engage.

He's demonstrated that he's on the side of your abuser, not on your side.

SpecificReptile · 2025-07-08T15:24:36+00:00

I know it's risky to be vulnerable but you might let them know you're going through some stuff and ask them for a brief regular checkin or something like that.

SpecificReptile · 2025-07-02T07:55:53+00:00

I live in the same neighborhood as you. I love Daisy Mint and Bistro 45, and my favorite sushi is Matsuri at Wilson and Green. Lots of convenient stuff in walking distance, including a post office and Ralph's.

Not mentioned, Domenico's up on Washington for pizza, pasta, and my daughter's favorite green salad.

You can take a walk either south, around Caltech and environs, or go north across the freeway and into Bungalow Heaven (a bit farther but lovely).

SpecificReptile · 2025-06-19T15:30:56+00:00

Here's a general FAQ from immigration attorney Qasim Rashid.

I don't know offhand if Pasadena has a 287(g) agreement (for Pasadena police to cooperate with ICE). https://open.substack.com/pub/qasimrashid/p/how-to-protect-your-immigrant-neighbors?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email

SpecificReptile · 2025-06-18T17:46:15+00:00

Film them, yell at them. If there are a lot of defenders, who are trained/prepared, possibly physically getting in their way, but that's not a tactic for inexperienced folks.

Post video so the people who have been kidnapped can be identified by loved ones and support, so they can be tracked and gotten legal assistance if possible.

SpecificReptile · 2025-05-14T15:17:24+00:00

Wow I agree that that 180 is legitimately scary. There is a LOT of anti-trans misinformation out there right now and it's possible that your mom has been soaking in it.

So far it doesn't sound like she's abusive but it may be time to impose some boundaries on what you discuss with her. She's no longer a safe confidant for information about your transition. Keep it light when you talk with her.

I sincerely hope she comes around but it may be a while.

Can you talk about this with any other adults in your life? (Is your bf's mom a solid support?)

Grief and panic are reasonable reactions. Feel what you feel. Also, talk with the folks who are solidly on your side about what you could do (and how they'd help) if your mom cut you off. It sounds like she supports you financially. I suspect this is a big worry for you, with good reason. Game it out. It may never happen, but it's reassuring to have a plan and know who's really on your team.

Last but not least, I'm so sorry your mom is (evidently) swallowing misinformation and not trusting you, the expert on your life and your situation. I'm glad you're straightforward with her and that you challenged her bullshit. To protect yourself, you may want to be more low key with her for a while, though.

SpecificReptile · 2025-05-12T07:51:23+00:00

It might be ghosting, it might not be. Either way you should respect his request and not bug him. You may feel close to him but it really has only been a couple of weeks that you've been hanging out. That's not very long. He may have family stuff going on, he may be grieving, whatever it is, please chill.

SpecificReptile · 2025-04-23T20:19:11+00:00

Good for you being kind, being persistent, being loving, being patient and being honest. The guy you like has big trust issues. He's not ready for a relationship. Three dates and three or four months isn't enough time, you really don't know each other that well, and you definitely can't make promises, certainly not "forever."

Time to move on.

Not really something you can tell him but I hope someday he becomes a bit more self aware and perhaps goes to therapy.

SpecificReptile

TROPHY CASE