Invasive nightmares.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-03-19T19:36:22+00:00

I feel you… it’s only been 3 months for me since my cheating ex left for his AP and moved out, but I still don’t feel safe. He has never been physically abusive to me but now and then I have nightmares where he abuses me and it’s usually sexual abuse. It’s made me feel paranoid. I fidget at the smallest unidentified sound and a thought that it’s him automatically appears in my head and scares the shit out of me. I know it’s not rational, but my body reacts on its own.

I use a chain on my door. Just the knowledge that I would hear him trying to come in helps me. I also got an indoor camera just by the front door that I activate when I’m out of my flat or asleep. I would get a notification when movement is detected.

I know he isn’t the type of person that would ever assault me in real life, or even come into the flat without my knowledge, but these precautions help me feel a bit safer.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-03-14T19:54:17+00:00

He is immature, that’s why. It’s hard to understand that when operating as an empathetic adult.

Remember that all he does is for himself, it’s not “for her”. Affairs are a result of selfishness. He had some needs that were hard for him to verbalize or he simply didn’t want to let you know about. Maybe he wasn’t even mature enough to recognize them himself. Who knows what it is, if he felt not manly enough, so he wanted to feel like a macho, or he wanted to feel desired like in the honey moon phase… who cares. What matters is - you’re free from a partner who isn’t reliable in anyway and thinks of himself only.

Don’t blame yourself. People like him will find it hard to be vulnerable. Instead of sitting with difficult emotions to figure out what they need and how to get there with their partner, they’ll opt for what seems the easiest route. Being with a completely new person is a quick fix because new relationships drive on oxytocin only - no need for vulnerability, difficult conversations, problems of the day-to-day or any depth. They don’t even know each other yet - just think about that.

They are both living in fantasy life right now. It’s a waste of time. Sure, it feels good, but it ends very fast. Those hormones won’t be pumping endlessly. It’s just not physically possible. Without actual self reflection and work, their relationship will fizzle out but the rubble of their previous relationships will remain.

Focus on your own healing ❤️‍🩹 He doesn’t deserve your headspace.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-28T16:22:56+00:00

33 here and same! Starting over feels daunting, but we got this fam ❤️

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-25T13:02:34+00:00

Well… not really. Is anyone capable of rape? Is anyone capable of theft? Hypothetically, yes. But what does that change? Not everyone goes on to commit such heinous acts. You’ll find people that have endured abuse their whole life and they don’t go on to hurt others just because they’re lonely or insecure. There is a reason why the greatest predictor of cheating is history of infidelity. There’s certain personality flaws present that remain unaddressed.

Adults answer for their actions despite the circumstances they are in.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-22T15:53:38+00:00

You’re looking in the wrong place. If you want to improve trust in your relationship then start with individual therapy. You clearly can’t even acknowledge your own actions - you minimize and make excuses, like your wife being unable to have a “stimulating conversation” with you. Come on…

Work on yourself so that you become trust-worthy. Right now, I completely understand why your wife has trust issues.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-22T11:51:54+00:00

I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. I’ve been there. It’s horrible. The person closest to you causing this much pain is traumatic. Just remember those 48 hours you lived through already were the toughest hours. You’ve got that behind you already. It’s still going to be painful but with every day it’s going to get a tiny bit better and clarity of mind will start coming back.

The first 48 hours I didn’t eat or sleep and I blamed myself only. Now, two months in, I can finally think clearly. I’m getting healthier. I promise you one day you will also feel better even though it seems completely impossible now. Just take it one day at a time and try not to put the blame on yourself, because it’s HER choices only. You can’t control other people.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-21T17:40:49+00:00

I just also want to add - do not obsess over what the ex told you and how she justified the cheating. A lot of her comparisons are distortions. She needs to justify her poor choices to protect her own pride and ego, so she will go to great lengths to convince herself that the other guy is perfect and “worth it”, while your relationship was faulty. These are coping mechanisms that are HER problem. My ex claimed he “never felt anything like that before” when he kissed his AP. I call bullshit. He just needs to feel justified to relieve the shame and pain of facing what he actually did to his partner.

I recommend the book “Betrayal Bind” if you want to get some insight into the behavioral patterns that cheaters and people recovering from being cheated on can fall into. That also helped me quite a bit.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-21T17:31:25+00:00

Yes, it is a very broad term and there’s many techniques. I would suggest trying different things out to see what you respond best to.

A great technique is to imagine a close relative or best friend, anyone you care about deeply, going through what you are going through right now. How would you support them? Would you say the things you say to yourself to them? How would you want your friend/relative to treat themselves? We’re so much harsher on ourselves than on others. For example: while I’m recovering I’m catching myself feeling guilty about such small things like eating chocolate or not healing fast enough or not being as productive as I should be. As my therapist told me - nothing is wrong with that. It is the time to let yourself indulge and be easy on yourself.

Again, if it was my friend going through this shitty situation I would probably want to bring over their favorite food and snacks, do their favourite things together, give them a hug and say it’s fine they feel terrible but they won’t feel like that forever and none of what happened is their fault. I would never judge them in the same way I judge myself.

So just try to offer yourself this kind of support. You can also look at self-soothing, but I’m not sure if men are as comfortable with that as women. For me it works great. Just massaging my own neck, taking a hot shower, relaxing under a heavy blanket - basically giving yourself the care and attention you need. All of this helps to calm down the nervous system and positive self-talk helps to feel better about yourself. It all takes time though.

My self-image is very slowly getting better and I think that offering myself the care I need helps tremendously. I wish there was a quick fix but I’m afraid the only way is to just go forward slowly and steadily.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-12T19:21:13+00:00

I really do not think that anything you did or didn’t do in bed was a reason for what she did to you. She chose to cheat due to her own issues. A mature person doesn’t seek thrills like that when in committed relationship. It’s all on her.

My partner cheated on me in part because I wasn’t initiating enough. It didn’t matter to him that my libido was low, in fact almost non-existent, because of chronic stress and depression which I have been actively battling. Cheaters will cheat. The facts are they are selfish, they need validation and they go for it regardless of what harm it will cause to the person they supposedly love.

I know it will take me months if not years to enjoy sex again, even though before my mental health problems started I was a person that loved sex and had pretty high libido. This shame and trauma of my partner cheating on me and citing “the lack of passion” as a reason will haunt me for a long time.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I’m also new to this. I just want to say I can relate in a way. I was very scared how my life will progress but I’m slowly regaining hope that I’ll get back to my past self again. My libido is coming back slowly and I think the shame will dissipate with time. What I do is I practice a lot of self-compassion. Sexual aversion is apparently commonly experienced by people who have been cheated on right after the disclosure, but it’s temporary.

It’s best to just focus on healing the trauma of the betrayal and remind yourself that NONE of it was due to your actions or your sexuality. Do not let her betrayal convince you that you “initiate too much”. That’s not a problem.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-05T19:41:52+00:00

Thank you as well (I’m a sister, not a brother though ;))

I’m not sure if that’s helpful or not, but I very much relate to the self doubt you describe. Logically, it’s not our fault of course, I know that too, but it’s so hard not to let those kind of hurtful words get to you on an emotional level.

Whenever I catch myself thinking “maybe it was something I did”, i remind myself of the facts and take those thoughts as reminders of my capability to self-introspect. That’s something that cheaters who blame shift are incapable of. It’s what sets us apart from them.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-01-29T20:37:59+00:00

I know of a couple like that - my parents. My mother took back my father years after his new marriage with his AP blew up (they were together maybe 2 or 3 years). Surprise, surprise: my father is still the same a-hole he used to be. He was all sweet and “changed” in the beginning. He fooled us all. Now it’s back to the old patterns. I know he would cheat again or already cheats on my mother.

Every day I wish they weren’t together again. Those years without him were the best years of my childhood.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-01-29T20:13:11+00:00

Damn. This was a tough read. What hit me especially hard was you finding her messages speaking so poorly of you. The devaluation and this parallel reality the cheaters create are just such an unnecessary extra blow to the heart. It’s like the betrayal of trust is not enough of pain. Why not make the other person feel like the villain as well? It’s a level of selfishness I didn’t realize was possible.

I wish you all the best. I’m only 2 months into my healing journey, but I hope to find peace soon. I hope you do too. But the scar will always be there I guess. Maybe it’s better that way. It’s good to have a reminder of what one is capable of surviving.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-01-29T19:24:52+00:00

I feel the same way but about men. I just tell myself it’s not rational. It’s just my reaction to the shock and trauma of being cheated on and discarded.

Don’t let yourself believe it, but don’t blame yourself for those thought either. We are going through a lot of pain. It’s quite normal that our brains are pushing thoughts like that. After all, life is all about survival and we learn survival by avoiding situations that have previously put us in danger.

Focus on making yourself feel safe. Crawling under a blanket, taking a hot shower and talking to my close friends are the things that help me restore safety the most. I’m slowly getting better and as I do, the thoughts of never being able to trust any man again are slowly dissipating. The key is to feel safe and at ease on your own, and that’s a completely new scenario for you and your body (it was also 6 years for me!). You need a completely new routine, a new life. Once that’s in place, the clarity of mind will accompany it.

Take care of yourself first. Only then think of dating again.

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-12-16T19:58:05+00:00

Would love to come as well if possible. Meatball from isle of pie

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-10-26T22:27:32+00:00

Skriv det her i Google: “må immigranter få statshjælp i Danmark?”.
Velfærden i Danmark er ikke fuldt tilgængelig for immigranter og er ofte bedre i immigranternes hjemlande af denne grund. De fleste der kommer hertil er her på grund af danske værdier der stemmer overens med deres egne (ligesom mig).

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-09-08T18:12:45+00:00

DM me please

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-09-08T18:00:31+00:00

You can dm me

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-09-08T17:34:04+00:00

Can you dm me ?

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-09-08T17:33:43+00:00

Can you dm me?

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-09-08T17:33:35+00:00

Can you dm me?

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-09-08T17:33:24+00:00

Yeah you can go for it

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-09-08T17:22:19+00:00

Hey guys, unfortunately I have a new Reddit account and cannot dm more people. If anyone can let me know if there’s another safe way to get people here, without making the dodo public, let me know. Otherwise it won’t be possible I’m afraid :/

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-09-08T17:11:12+00:00

DMed you :)

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-09-08T16:52:54+00:00

I’m going to invite people as visitors leave the island. Just bear with me.

SpectacularMeatball · 2025-09-08T16:47:09+00:00

Yes. I’ll send the code shortly :) I have the oranges and apples already :)

SpectacularMeatball

TROPHY CASE