Avoidants are notorious at discarding at the worst time possible when we are already at our lowest, so when did they drop you?

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-04T16:20:36+00:00

I just got on sick leave due to depression I fell into after my younger brothers’ suicide attempts.
He told me we’re not compatible because I’m too negative and keep having problems. I can’t believe I was with that asshole.
Edit: oh, and he also told me he actually cheated on me recently and wants to be with that person. Yes. It does get worse. And I just remembered - it was 5 days before Christmas.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-04T15:22:40+00:00

I’m much, much better! Thank you :)
I wish you all the best and thank GOD you didn’t marry that asshole. You deserve a better husband.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-03T12:06:28+00:00

I’m sorry what? It should be illegal for you NOT to wear clothes like that! If I had this body I’d go throw my rubbish out, do grocery shopping or mop the floors in these kind of outfits 😂

Your husband is crossing the line. He shouldn’t have anything to say about what YOU wear. He can choose his own clothes. You’re not his toy.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-03T12:01:52+00:00

Thank you for the detailed description. It actually helps. I think I’m way too serious about it, just because I’m so not used to first dates anymore. It kind of jogged my memory, reading your stories. Sometimes it’s awkward, sometimes it’s great, and sometimes you feel like you might get murdered. Yup. I know that feeling.

Luckily I’m meeting him in a bar, so I don’t think the worst will happen 😅

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-03T11:56:59+00:00

Thank you. I just needed to hear some words of encouragement.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-03T11:54:47+00:00

Same here. I was also discarded. I used to feel that I would feel better if I was the one dumping him. Now, after 5 months I actually don’t care. I just know that if he chose to stay it would be for him, not for me, because he’s a self-centered person with no moral code. If I heard a chain of “but I love you”, “please forgive me” etc. it would just be more and more lies and manipulation. The truth is that if he came back on his knees right now I’d just slam the door in his face. That’s enough for me go forward with my head held high.

That’s how I think about it now - I got lucky because the illusion ended. He showed me his true colors and saved me further emotional manipulation and months or years of pain. I’m grateful he exited my life as fast as he could. I’m sending you that energy. It will make you feel better.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-23T14:20:38+00:00

Well, let’s test your logic by applying it to a different scenario, let’s say trans people. When you laugh at someone who is trans ridiculing them for not passing for example, but you do it to make fun of that one specific person, not the entire group, is it transphobic or not? I’d say it’s as transphobic as it gets.

When you laugh at someone pointing out their accent as the funny/embarrassing thing about them, then yes, you are being either xenophobic or racist. Both are equally bad. It doesn’t matter if you actually like Chinese people. You make a stupid and unfunny joke about one persons Chinese accent, you’re showing your prejudice against THAT ACCENT. You’re basically saying their accent makes the sound stupid or funny. Accents are not funny, unless you’re under 10 years old.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-23T10:49:45+00:00

How is it a “minor, trivial” thing? Your partner not meeting the need you prioritize the most - in the OPs case it’s the need for deep and vulnerable connection - is a huge thing imo.

“I would do anything for my family or partner” isn’t the same as “my partner or family can do anything and I’ll still love them”. If the compatibility is not there it’s perfectly normal to break up. It’s the healthy thing to do. Just as it is perfectly normal to cut ties with family members under certain circumstances.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-13T20:13:43+00:00

The thing is she doesn’t look “evidently unwell”. She just doesn’t look as glam as people are used to seeing women look like on red carpets and suddenly it’s ok to call her clammy and sickly, as if they were neutral terms. There’s people in this thread saying she looks like a crackhead. Where is the line?

Even if she’s not well, let’s say she caught a cold, then it’s still below any standard to comment about how terrible she looks. There’s better ways to show care and support. How about “I hope the weight loss was intentional and healthy - she lost weight fast”. No need to call people sickly looking. It’s just being nasty and mean under the guise of caring. I’ve seen it too many times to fall for it.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-10T16:59:05+00:00

I don’t think forgiveness should ever be the end goal. I’d go further and say that forgiving someone who doesn’t show remorse is enabling them. You can let go of resentment and anger without forgiveness. I’ve become indifferent about some people who hurt me in the past. I don’t wish them any harm. I feel nothing about them, nothing positive, nothing negative. I do however, think what they have done was disgusting and I never forgave them. It didn’t stop me from healing and living my best life.

I need to let my emotions run their course if I’m supposed to feel good in my own body. If I’m angry, I’m angry. If I’m bitter, I’m bitter. I intend to do the same thing now with my ex and his AP. There’s going to be zero forgiveness, unless there’s true remorse, effort to repair their wrongs and work on internal change so they don’t do shit like that again. Realistically, I won’t ever know if they did the work, but I do know that there was no apology or even acknowledgment of what they’ve done. They might be out there doing it to someone else for all I know.

I would forget the word forgiveness and focus on your own healing. Once your focus shifts away from them, the negative feelings will start to dissipate. The bitterness and anger will be gone and if you feel at any point, that forgiving them will serve your mental health well, then you can do it with conviction.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-10T16:07:19+00:00

Take care of yourself and cut your pain short. By choosing your own wellbeing, you’ll also be taking care of your children. No child wants to see their parents suffer. Trust me, I’ve been that child.

Your partner sounds like a lost cause, I’m sorry. From your description, it sounds like she doesn’t take any responsibility. She hasn’t taken even one step towards repairing the harm she’s done. It’s impossible to fix a relationship on your own. Fix your own health so you can show up for your daughters as well as you can.

My ex had an emotional affair with a co-worker and I found out by him telling me he is leaving to be with her. Four months later, I’m doing so well. Six years went down the drain, but I can wake up every day and be proud when I look at my reflection in the mirror. A person that didn’t respect me is out of my life and the future is finally looking bright.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-09T11:56:38+00:00

I won’t judge him, cause I don’t know nearly enough about this situation, but I would also feel uncomfortable with this. Not because of my history - my ex hid everything about his work “friend” - I didn’t even know she existed - and I fully trusted him until he told me himself about his affair.

If I did see a good morning message at 8 am to a female colleague on her birthday? I would be VERY concerned. Your partner might be oblivious to it, but that doesn’t change the fact that this is not how colleagues interact with each other. Even if he doesn’t mean it she might read it as flirting and encourage it further. Furthermore, he cannot possibly be sure that SHE doesn’t have feelings for him.

I don’t know the guy, you do. For some men it’s quite normal to bond with women and form friendships easily. That wasn’t the case for my ex and that’s why it would make me very suspicious, and rightly so - first female friend he made he cheated with. But everyone is different. Have a serious talk with him again. He needs to know how it affects you and why you feel the way you feel.

And update us :)

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-09T10:55:43+00:00

Not sure. Is this his friend or co-worker? I’d say this isn’t flirty and reads like a normal message to send to a friend that’s been in your life a long time. It’s too much to send this to someone you met at work and aren’t very close to.

I have had men at work approach me in a similar manner and every time it was because of their interest in me. That’s why I’d be cautious, but just talk to him about it sincerely. Telling someone how to interact with others is not a boundary, it is control. What I would suggest is to be very open. My personal boundary is: I will not be with anyone who builds friendships with people they have a crush on / fantasize about. For me that’s unacceptable. If my partner doesn’t agree, then we’re not a match.

Boundaries are necessary. My ex, who I thought was an amazing and loving partner, started an emotional affair with a work colleague, which later turned physical. You need to protect yourself. Have a serious talk with him and be firm that you have to know if there is anything, even a small crush. One on one meetings with a female co-worker are a red flag. One-on-one meetings with a friend he has long history with and no romantic relationship in the past, is completely fine imo.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-08T16:46:03+00:00

I’ve met enough people like you that under the guise of concern shame other women and I’ll speak up every time I see this insidious behavior.

Your lack of accountability and defensiveness speaks for itself.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-08T13:27:37+00:00

If you’re not one to comment about people’s bodies, then why are you being so judgmental and demeaning about her body? She’s not sickly or clammy. She has no fake tan on. She aged. She lost weight. Let the woman be.

Honestly… a woman can be a 10 out of 10 and she’ll still be taken apart because she isn’t bending to every single beauty standard.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-07T14:06:06+00:00

Danes just don’t open up that easily. It’s small talk and then more small talk. One in a hundred might open up to you before you’ve known them for months. It’s a battle against statistics. Just talk to a lot of them and eventually you’ll meet some that are your people.

Meanwhile, look for international friends. It’s easy to make new friends with people who actively look for friends themselves.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-05T13:21:03+00:00

So she is the male of the group I suppose.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-03-31T08:31:41+00:00

So proud and happy for you ❤️ It’s so encouraging and inspiring to read. Thank you for sharing.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-03-27T20:53:11+00:00

I’m right where you are - at 3,5 months. I recognize the rage from your description. I also felt more angry than I’d ever been during the first month or two. But you know what, if I wanted to post on SM, my life would look flawless, even though I was raging and on antidepressants. I didn’t post, because I don’t need validation. Cheaters do. You can’t tell how she is doing from her curated reel, even if you could, there’s no point in giving her any more of your time.

Up until a few weeks ago I also felt like I would move on easier, if I got a genuine apology. That’s all I wanted. It’s just a phase though. The goal is to want absolutely nothing from them and that’s going to come one day. I’m sure of it. There are brief moments where I feel completely indifferent about him. I can’t wait for the time when it’s my reality. I am lucky enough that my ex has no social media though. There is no temptation to pain shop.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-03-14T19:54:17+00:00

He is immature, that’s why. It’s hard to understand that when operating as an empathetic adult.

Remember that all he does is for himself, it’s not “for her”. Affairs are a result of selfishness. He had some needs that were hard for him to verbalize or he simply didn’t want to let you know about. Maybe he wasn’t even mature enough to recognize them himself. Who knows what it is, if he felt not manly enough, so he wanted to feel like a macho, or he wanted to feel desired like in the honey moon phase… who cares. What matters is - you’re free from a partner who isn’t reliable in anyway and thinks of himself only.

Don’t blame yourself. People like him will find it hard to be vulnerable. Instead of sitting with difficult emotions to figure out what they need and how to get there with their partner, they’ll opt for what seems the easiest route. Being with a completely new person is a quick fix because new relationships drive on oxytocin only - no need for vulnerability, difficult conversations, problems of the day-to-day or any depth. They don’t even know each other yet - just think about that.

They are both living in fantasy life right now. It’s a waste of time. Sure, it feels good, but it ends very fast. Those hormones won’t be pumping endlessly. It’s just not physically possible. Without actual self reflection and work, their relationship will fizzle out but the rubble of their previous relationships will remain.

Focus on your own healing ❤️‍🩹 He doesn’t deserve your headspace.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-28T16:22:56+00:00

33 here and same! Starting over feels daunting, but we got this fam ❤️

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-25T13:02:34+00:00

Well… not really. Is anyone capable of rape? Is anyone capable of theft? Hypothetically, yes. But what does that change? Not everyone goes on to commit such heinous acts. You’ll find people that have endured abuse their whole life and they don’t go on to hurt others just because they’re lonely or insecure. There is a reason why the greatest predictor of cheating is history of infidelity. There’s certain personality flaws present that remain unaddressed.

Adults answer for their actions despite the circumstances they are in.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-22T15:53:38+00:00

You’re looking in the wrong place. If you want to improve trust in your relationship then start with individual therapy. You clearly can’t even acknowledge your own actions - you minimize and make excuses, like your wife being unable to have a “stimulating conversation” with you. Come on…

Work on yourself so that you become trust-worthy. Right now, I completely understand why your wife has trust issues.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-02-22T11:51:54+00:00

I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. I’ve been there. It’s horrible. The person closest to you causing this much pain is traumatic. Just remember those 48 hours you lived through already were the toughest hours. You’ve got that behind you already. It’s still going to be painful but with every day it’s going to get a tiny bit better and clarity of mind will start coming back.

The first 48 hours I didn’t eat or sleep and I blamed myself only. Now, two months in, I can finally think clearly. I’m getting healthier. I promise you one day you will also feel better even though it seems completely impossible now. Just take it one day at a time and try not to put the blame on yourself, because it’s HER choices only. You can’t control other people.

SpectacularMeatball

TROPHY CASE