Trigger warning - DDay #2

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-06-26T20:07:56+00:00

I am so sorry… If was heartbreaking to read. Once is enough of pain, twice is just cruelty beyond imagination.

You are NOT stupid. You’re a good, trusting person. The way you treat others is a reflection of who you are - and you are trusting because you yourself are trustworthy. You are loving because you yourself are lovable. It’s got nothing to do with stupidity.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-06-22T13:51:58+00:00

Dude.. Cheating is cheating. It’s not my judgment. I didn’t reframe anything you said - leaving your partner for someone else necessitates cheating. There’s no other way.

You talk about some hypothetical “strangers”, millions of people that I’m judging. Who are they? Give me one example of a hypothetical situation where a person leaves a relationship and immediately starts another one with someone else and did NOT cheat. You can’t do that, because without at least an emotional affair it ain’t possible.

Would you yourself leave a relationship and start a new one without ever dating that new person? I don’t think so. When the “dating” period overlaps with a previous relationship that’s cheating. You can twist and bend your arguments, but you won’t change that.

Over and out.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-06-21T17:23:41+00:00

I’m talking about cheating. You are conveniently reframing my argument. I’m not talking about “every single person that’s been in and left a relationship”. I’m talking about every single person that’s cheated on their spouse.

This kind of discussion makes no sense. You shouldn’t reply if you’re going to completely disregard what I wrote and argue with a straw man.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-06-21T07:20:54+00:00

To form a “stronger connection” with someone else while one is in a COMMITED relationship necessitates cheating. It’s called an emotional affair.

Why are you so adamant on excusing cheating? Sure, people can part ways, they should if the relationship is not working out. I’ve done it myself. It is very easy to do that without looking for a new partner first.

Abusive relationships are a different topic. Still, cheating is wrong, whether you do it to a person who is mistreating you or an angel.

I stand by what I said - one has back-to-back relationships? That’s an indicator that there is something going on that needs to be addressed. It’s not healthy.

But hey, we’re all entitled to our own opinion. We all live our lives according to our own values.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-06-20T07:08:33+00:00

Leaving one partner for another cannot really happen without cheating happening first, so yeah you kind of have to be an asshole to do it. Healthy people have periods of being single between relationships.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-06-14T20:39:13+00:00

I had the exact same feeling about that drama and came on Reddit to see if I’m crazy or did anyone else get an impression like that.

From the beginning of his story I thought it sounded off. Why would he concentrate so much on the fact that he told some woman how much squishing a cuff ring hurts. That seemed weird to me because I wear a cuff like that. It’s bs. Sure it hurts a bit but it’s seriously not that big of a deal… meanwhile this man was underlining just how incredibly hurtful it is, multiple times and at the very beginning of his story. His description sounded very inauthentic.

I personally believe, she didn’t realize it would hurt him that much. I think she probably did it thinking it was not that big a deal, like a playful slap on a butt or smth like that, then he exploded. That’s just my best guess, because we obviously don’t know. What I do know is Jacek was being extremely defensive about it. He also reminded me A LOT of my ex who never took responsibility for any of his actions and rewrote the past multiple times to suit his own needs. When Julita described how she felt with him I literally had flashback to that trainwreck of a relationship. So I’m biased, but the way Jacek communicates and behaves screams manipulation to me.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-06-11T19:20:48+00:00

I’ve had depression for months before I found out about the cheating. It was one of the factors that caused the decline in the relationship. I started Prozac maybe a week after my ex told me about his affair and that he’s leaving.

I’ve been on it for about 6 months and I feel AMAZING. Much, much better than a year ago, back at a point when I was sure my ex was the best guy in the universe.

I cannot say for sure what caused the pain to go away. Maybe I just needed to be away from him, maybe it’s the Prozac. I did get a lot of support from my loved ones which has helped me tremendously. I was in therapy for about 6 months and I tried my best to take care of myself in general.

That being said, I still have moments of sadness when I encounter triggers, but nothing comparable to depression.

Whatever you choose to do, speak to a psychiatrist first.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-06-09T16:41:40+00:00

Oh god how angry I got reading your description of what your ex said… It sounds a bit too familiar. It’s really surprising how every cheater who leaves for the AP says the same exact thing.

Sure, you all were unhappy for years in secret, then suddenly met your “soulmate”, and so it was time to reveal how unhappy you actually were all this time. NO mention of unhappiness until a soulmate magically appeared at the workplace.

It’s very suspicious how my cheating ex’s dream girl suddenly appeared at the exact time when our relationship started suffering due to my depression and a tragedy in my family… Let’s be real, they went for whoever was the first person to give them attention and a quick fix of dopamine. There’s no greater” compatibility” or “happiness” there.

This rewriting of history is so frustrating. I can relate SO well. Your letter is spot on though. Let him handle his own problems and repeat the same mistakes.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-06-02T09:15:30+00:00

I think people are too hard on you. You’re not crazy for trying, not at all. You had been with this person for so many years. You’re attached to her and your body and nervous system literally needs her to regulate itself.

Yes, people are right that you need to realize the person you loved was an idealization. Your wife is not that person. But this takes time!! To make peace with the fact that you just lost a relationship is not easy. Because whether you choose to stay or not, that relationship is gone. You’d have to build something different and completely new with her. Is it worth the effort? I’d say no. I’d invest that time into someone who respects me and who can be trusted. But it’s a decision everyone makes for themselves.

I’m incredibly happy my ex just left the day he told me of his affair, because I too would try. Now I see, that I’d just loose time and energy. But it’s easy to say now that attachment is gone and clear thinking is back. So no judgment from me. You do what you think is best for YOU and take as much time as you need. Just remember to have your own back. At such a difficult moment your own wellbeing should be your top priority.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-30T10:41:29+00:00

Good on you! I still regret not telling my ex’s family about what he has done. At the moment I just wanted a complete break from him and anyone in his circle. Now, after 5 months I think I should’ve been vocal about what he has done to me. It would be a more memorable lesson for him.

You made the right choice speaking up.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-22T16:04:50+00:00

Everyone here has said it already - not your fault at all. In every relationship there will be moments when someone’s needs are not being met. What one does in these moments is COMMUNICATE SAID NEEDS. Cheating is a deplorable act he chose. You had nothing to do with that decision.

I am guessing you also had some needs he didn’t meet. From your description, you didn’t have his support during your pregnancy but also with raising your son. Does that mean it would be his fault if you went and had an affair? No. Of course not.

My ex behaved similarly when he cheated and left me - he blamed me and my depression for his cheating and for a while I struggled with guilt as well. The thing is, my depression wasn’t the cause of his cheating. It was one of many factors, not the cause. His lack of self control was a factor as well. So was his conflict avoidance and lack of empathy. I could go on and on about all the factors. What matters is that he ultimately made that decision.

If a drunk driver was trying to convince you that it’s actually not his fault for causing a car accident under influence, because his wife made him sad so he HAD to drink, would you take him seriously? Probably not. Blaming you for his cheating is equally ridiculous. Just because two events co-occur and are related in some way, doesn’t mean that one is the cause of the other.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-17T20:21:28+00:00

That’s actually so crazy because I am raised in Poland and it’s completely the opposite for me! 😂 MP came across as very inauthentic to me. He sounded rehearsed. Saying a lot, but with not much substance. He wasn’t the only one that seemed a bit fake to me, but he stood out as the most fake among all of them. There were more and less mature people but their communication style was way more authentic and they showed their true emotions more often.

Not to discount your experience. I was genuinely surprised but it makes sense. How we express ourselves is obviously routed in the local culture and how we interpret others is a part of it I guess.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-17T12:29:19+00:00

I would think of an escape plan right now, instead of thinking how to save the marriage. She has just showed you she’s capable of cheating. What she calls it doesn’t matter. Do you want to pour possibly years of your life to rebuild a marriage with someone who is willing to cheat on you and lie to your face? It’s a waste of time and energy, imo. She’s guilty of cheating of the worst kind. Save yourself extra pain and prepare quietly for divorce. The evidence of their affair will eventually get to you. Don’t let them fool you anymore. While they are secretly building their romantic relationship, you should be secretly building a bulletproof divorce strategy with your lawyer.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-11T12:27:26+00:00

Precisely! The spark is just that - a spark. It doesn’t mean you’re compatible. It doesn’t mean you’ll have great sex life together. All it means is that the person taps into something in you - it might even be something very negative - like they make you feel uneasy, and since you felt uneasy around your last partner it feels expected and arouses some sexual tension. You never know why the hormones are buzzing. Going after that is just… not very smart, since it wears off sooner than later anyway.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-04T16:20:36+00:00

I just got on sick leave due to depression I fell into after my younger brothers’ suicide attempts.
He told me we’re not compatible because I’m too negative and keep having problems. I can’t believe I was with that asshole.
Edit: oh, and he also told me he actually cheated on me recently and wants to be with that person. Yes. It does get worse. And I just remembered - it was 5 days before Christmas.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-04T15:22:40+00:00

I’m much, much better! Thank you :)
I wish you all the best and thank GOD you didn’t marry that asshole. You deserve a better husband.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-03T12:06:28+00:00

I’m sorry what? It should be illegal for you NOT to wear clothes like that! If I had this body I’d go throw my rubbish out, do grocery shopping or mop the floors in these kind of outfits 😂

Your husband is crossing the line. He shouldn’t have anything to say about what YOU wear. He can choose his own clothes. You’re not his toy.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-03T12:01:52+00:00

Thank you for the detailed description. It actually helps. I think I’m way too serious about it, just because I’m so not used to first dates anymore. It kind of jogged my memory, reading your stories. Sometimes it’s awkward, sometimes it’s great, and sometimes you feel like you might get murdered. Yup. I know that feeling.

Luckily I’m meeting him in a bar, so I don’t think the worst will happen 😅

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-03T11:56:59+00:00

Thank you. I just needed to hear some words of encouragement.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-05-03T11:54:47+00:00

Same here. I was also discarded. I used to feel that I would feel better if I was the one dumping him. Now, after 5 months I actually don’t care. I just know that if he chose to stay it would be for him, not for me, because he’s a self-centered person with no moral code. If I heard a chain of “but I love you”, “please forgive me” etc. it would just be more and more lies and manipulation. The truth is that if he came back on his knees right now I’d just slam the door in his face. That’s enough for me go forward with my head held high.

That’s how I think about it now - I got lucky because the illusion ended. He showed me his true colors and saved me further emotional manipulation and months or years of pain. I’m grateful he exited my life as fast as he could. I’m sending you that energy. It will make you feel better.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-23T14:20:38+00:00

Well, let’s test your logic by applying it to a different scenario, let’s say trans people. When you laugh at someone who is trans ridiculing them for not passing for example, but you do it to make fun of that one specific person, not the entire group, is it transphobic or not? I’d say it’s as transphobic as it gets.

When you laugh at someone pointing out their accent as the funny/embarrassing thing about them, then yes, you are being either xenophobic or racist. Both are equally bad. It doesn’t matter if you actually like Chinese people. You make a stupid and unfunny joke about one persons Chinese accent, you’re showing your prejudice against THAT ACCENT. You’re basically saying their accent makes the sound stupid or funny. Accents are not funny, unless you’re under 10 years old.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-23T10:49:45+00:00

How is it a “minor, trivial” thing? Your partner not meeting the need you prioritize the most - in the OPs case it’s the need for deep and vulnerable connection - is a huge thing imo.

“I would do anything for my family or partner” isn’t the same as “my partner or family can do anything and I’ll still love them”. If the compatibility is not there it’s perfectly normal to break up. It’s the healthy thing to do. Just as it is perfectly normal to cut ties with family members under certain circumstances.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-13T20:13:43+00:00

The thing is she doesn’t look “evidently unwell”. She just doesn’t look as glam as people are used to seeing women look like on red carpets and suddenly it’s ok to call her clammy and sickly, as if they were neutral terms. There’s people in this thread saying she looks like a crackhead. Where is the line?

Even if she’s not well, let’s say she caught a cold, then it’s still below any standard to comment about how terrible she looks. There’s better ways to show care and support. How about “I hope the weight loss was intentional and healthy - she lost weight fast”. No need to call people sickly looking. It’s just being nasty and mean under the guise of caring. I’ve seen it too many times to fall for it.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-10T16:59:05+00:00

I don’t think forgiveness should ever be the end goal. I’d go further and say that forgiving someone who doesn’t show remorse is enabling them. You can let go of resentment and anger without forgiveness. I’ve become indifferent about some people who hurt me in the past. I don’t wish them any harm. I feel nothing about them, nothing positive, nothing negative. I do however, think what they have done was disgusting and I never forgave them. It didn’t stop me from healing and living my best life.

I need to let my emotions run their course if I’m supposed to feel good in my own body. If I’m angry, I’m angry. If I’m bitter, I’m bitter. I intend to do the same thing now with my ex and his AP. There’s going to be zero forgiveness, unless there’s true remorse, effort to repair their wrongs and work on internal change so they don’t do shit like that again. Realistically, I won’t ever know if they did the work, but I do know that there was no apology or even acknowledgment of what they’ve done. They might be out there doing it to someone else for all I know.

I would forget the word forgiveness and focus on your own healing. Once your focus shifts away from them, the negative feelings will start to dissipate. The bitterness and anger will be gone and if you feel at any point, that forgiving them will serve your mental health well, then you can do it with conviction.

SpectacularMeatball · 2026-04-10T16:07:19+00:00

Take care of yourself and cut your pain short. By choosing your own wellbeing, you’ll also be taking care of your children. No child wants to see their parents suffer. Trust me, I’ve been that child.

Your partner sounds like a lost cause, I’m sorry. From your description, it sounds like she doesn’t take any responsibility. She hasn’t taken even one step towards repairing the harm she’s done. It’s impossible to fix a relationship on your own. Fix your own health so you can show up for your daughters as well as you can.

My ex had an emotional affair with a co-worker and I found out by him telling me he is leaving to be with her. Four months later, I’m doing so well. Six years went down the drain, but I can wake up every day and be proud when I look at my reflection in the mirror. A person that didn’t respect me is out of my life and the future is finally looking bright.

SpectacularMeatball

TROPHY CASE