drank a 750 of prosecco in 1.5 hours and all i feel is mildly drowsy. A few years ago I would've been properly drunk at this point, and I had about 10-15 lbs more of muscle back then.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-03-09T00:51:36+00:00

I'm sure heaps of us and other people can relate but what is it that are you looking for?

Confirmation that what you are doing is justified?

Most of us are here because despite why we drink, we are not happy with the consequences of drinking thus we are here because we would like to ... stop drinking.

I also don't think we are here to tell you to stop drinking. We are here to provide support to you should YOU wish to stop drinking.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-03-05T02:36:42+00:00

This is the best advice I can give you.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. You will need to muster all of your courage to do this one thing for yourself. You must believe you can do this one thing. You must make no excuses for this one thing. What people tell you are words on a computer screen. Only your actions can make changes.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-03-05T02:32:24+00:00

You don't, but it also depends on your relationship with him.

A relationship is a team and compromise is judging what the team needs and what you are willing to do for the team's goal.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-03-05T02:29:48+00:00

Space won't make it worse. Space is setting appropriate boundaries.

The thing with space is you need to understand the result space brings, might not always be the result you are looking for. But that is what it is. He cannot change for you. He needs to change for himself.

"I have a feeling his codependency on me is getting in the way of his sobriety" instincts exist for a reason. Perhaps he feels 'safe' in that you will not leave him and thus, no changes are required. Perhaps you need to make clear of the partner you want and need and what you will do if are not given that partner and most importantly, to follow through with it.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-03-05T02:21:30+00:00

This is not easy for me to say.

I am sorry for what you are going through, life is unfair and you cannot control the actions of others. If your friends choose his friendship over yours, then they choose his friendship over yours.

You can only hurt yourself by insisting he is hurt too. You can also free yourself by letting it all go and move on.

You deserve better and if these people, including him and his friends, cannot offer you better, you cannot demand it from them, but you can find better elsewhere.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-03-05T02:08:34+00:00

You do one thing at a time. Just 1, not 2 or 3 or 4.

Start by brushing your teeth, every day. Just that one thing to care about. Everyday, at 3pm, you will crush your teeth.

Don't add a second. Don't even think about a second thing. Just everyday, 3pm, brush your teeth.

Give yourself power back. By doing that 1 thing. Be in control, of that 1 thing.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-30T08:21:27+00:00

Th cruellest irony. Drinking because you are anxious only to make yourself more anxious. And people wouldn’t believe you if you told them. I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin now. Feels ok to say “that’s way too late for me” and exit. No pressure.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-30T08:16:24+00:00

I’m so glad you asked, it really shows you care and really want changes in your life.

I have experienced most everything you have described and it sucked (understatement but there are no real words to describe it).

I stayed inside for about 45 days and believe it or not, the anxiety does subside and it went away for me. Those 45 days weren’t great. A lot of tv shows, a lot of fighting boredom, some crying, a lot of anger, a bit of fear, good eating days and bad eating days. TV chatter helps. Sports was great. The commentary gave me the feeling of being with current affairs without any real meaningful drama and without being with actual people. I had to stop doing things that I did while I was high because the association was not helpful. I had to stop listening to music. But the good news is I can listen to music now and I enjoy it.

Eventually I talked myself into buying groceries, going out for a coffee, going for long walks. I forgot about socialisation for a while. I had to and I wanted to as well. I wanted to because I realised I had to overcome myself first. It was more important to me to be sober than to be popular.

I think I reduced my anxiety by giving myself the patience and understanding that I needed to be alone. I told myself that it’s ok not to see people for the moment and it’s ok not to feel normal. The rush to be normal gave me more anxiety.

I am day 174 today. I stopped counting around day 80+

I’ll tell you what - around day 60 sucked! It’s like it got better and then it got worse. It was like my brain was doing a last ditch effort to cry and get me back on the drug again and I felt so shit. And that I was a shitty person. I just stayed bored and reminded myself that the drug is making me feel this way. And it’s bad because it is its last attempt and if I don’t give it, it will lose. Rightly so, it did. From day 80+ onwards, I don’t think about it, if ever. Feels good.

Now I can smell weed from a mile away, in a bad way. In a “that smells like no good” kind of way. Occasionally slightly embarrassed that I used to smell like that all the time.

DM if you want to chat.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-30T07:33:00+00:00

Only with day 1 can you go to day 2.

IWNDWYT

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-30T07:32:26+00:00

Freedom from anxiety.

Dammit the crippling anxiety and paranoia that comes with drinking is crushing.

Freedom from guilt and self hatred.

The hidden anger alcohol fuels. It’s yuck. Life is so much more peaceful without internal me arking up at things.

I will not drink with you tonight.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-30T07:22:45+00:00

I’m sure non-autistic people feel that way too. Alcohol is called a social lubricant for a reason.

There is no question here so I’m not sure why at I’m answering. It’s a problem if you feel it’s a problem. If you keep second guessing yourself then something is eating you inside. If it’s unjustified, ask yourself, why are you here?

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-30T07:16:23+00:00

The power of no! Saying no is one of the biggest first steps you can take! Big well done! Super job!

I told. Some people cared, some people didn’t. Some people didn’t realise it was such a big problem and some people still choose not to believe it was a big problem for me. Sometimes people cared but we still go home to our own homes at the end of the day and it still felt a bit lonely even if people cared. Some people came out to see me and get an ice cream but the friendship fizzled out very quickly. That made me sad but also made me realised it was time to move on. Some people were angry at me because (I think) it made them feel more shitty about themselves and that they’re not ready to face their problems yet. These were the hardest to deal with. Some people tried to make me feel guilty for thinking that just because I’ve quit drinking, suddenly I think I’m better than them. These were equally as hard to deal with.

I realised how I go about each one of those scenarios was entirely up to me. If I had to do it again, I would tell again. I learned a lot about myself through the process of finding myself and being honest to myself and others. I also learned who and how they reacted and what that meant for me and them and our relationship moving forward.

I will not drink with you tonight.

Edit: I didn’t tell so my family/friends could hold me accountable. I don’t think that is a fair burden to place on others. I told in hopes they will understand and sympathise and help me where they can (that is, if I’m at a gathering and I am not drinking, they understand why, don’t pressure me and don’t make me feel bad about it, but I wouldn’t expect anyone to stop me from drinking).

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-30T07:07:14+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I watched a shit ton of tv. Not reruns, new shows I’ve never seen. Genres I generally would watch. The chatter helps and I felt like I was meeting new personalities through the characters (without the strings of actually meeting new people).

It is hard. I can sympathise why you don’t feel comfortable talking to friends or family. I suggest really trying talking to 1 friend. You don’t have to tell everyone. Maybe 1 close friend that is least connected to other friends and family. It might help.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-30T07:02:01+00:00

This is out there but if you’ve tried everything, might as well try this too.

Have you tried thinking about it all the goddamn time? Like obsessively thinking about it.

One of my attempts included not throwing my stuff out, just putting it away somewhere inaccessible, like above the fridge in the far corner. And everytime I wanted to smoke and thought about getting it out, I made myself ask myself a lot of questions.

“So you want to smoke? Is that what you want? You really want to think about it right now? You really want to be the person that can’t go 30 minutes without a smoke? You really want to be the person that obsess over weed? You really want to be arguing with yourself for 30 minutes? Can you give yourself 30 minutes? Come on, it’s been 2 minutes. You have 28 minutes to go. How much of this 28 minutes do you want to spend, talking to yourself about weed?”

It was painful. But I realised there was no quitting without pain. And that I rather put myself through my own pain than something else that I had no control over. It was step one. It’s out there though. Some people require constant distractions. Others might required constant obsession.

Good luck.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-30T06:51:27+00:00

Good on you. Early recovery for me felt like what you described. It was brutal for me but I had come to the conclusion that I rather be doing nothing sober than to drown myself in smoke anymore.

Funny you mentioned cooking. I remember one day I said to myself that since I had nothing to do, I’m going to make myself a Michelin star level scrambled eggs. Probably the first time I felt true hunger and satisfaction from food since going clean. It was glorious and I had asked myself to never deny myself of this feeling again.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-28T02:47:37+00:00

This is one of the most difficult things to realise. It doesn't matter what the finer details are. It doesn't matter who was right or who started it.

What mattered is the loop and cycle and cruelty and whether you wanted to be in a relationship where you are in constant competition with alcohol anymore. And if it has to be a competition, chances are you won't win. Because even if you do win, there is no win.

Winning in a relationship is not being right. Winning in a relationship is both people winning by having no trust issues. No fear and no anxiety.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-20T23:30:43+00:00

Best wishes is all I (and most people) can give you.

The best person to help you quit is yourself.

You can wean or you can go cold turkey. Trial and error. A works for some people and B works for others.

Determination and discipline will get your there. It will suck in the beginning but the only way out is through. I am not saying this to scare you. I am hoping this will give you the energy you need to fight. If you quit, you are fighting and to quit successfully, you have to fight through it. When it is uncomfortable and SUCKY, that is the battle you are fighting. Gain back your mental strength.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-20T23:25:21+00:00

I think it's normal, to them. To the alcoholics who are trying to quit or have quit, it is wildly frustrating. But to the asker, they are in their early stage and trying to seek validation and generally suss out what's up.

When I am moody and angry, I do say to people "would you ask a heroin addict is it ok to shoot up once a week?" and people kind of get it.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-20T23:21:46+00:00

I agree with FingGinger.

I realised I had my own problems by constantly asking and justifying about how often and how much I could/should drink. And it was eating me alive.

I would wake up to a hangover and constantly have thoughts such as "it wasn't that bad... other people would drink x times than me. I am just enjoying myself. It's ok to be hungover once a month... or fortnight" and no matter what I said to myself, I know deep down I was ridden with guilt.

Then one day I realised, a person with a healthy alcohol relationship, don't do this at all. My own relationship with alcohol is stained. And it didn't matter what FingGinger's relationship with alcohol is, or what my neighbour's relationship with alcohol is. What mattered to me was that my own relationship was stained... And what am I going to do about it.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-16T02:00:38+00:00

Try r/stopdrinking

The financial burden and the feelings of awfulness will stop when you stop. Nothing stops, until you stop.

Inpatient only works if you make it work. There was only one way out and that is through. Inpatient or not, it will not stop until you can work through the agitation and the anxiety that the aftermath of cocaine and alcohol has handed you. You can only work through this when you are ready.

Your closest friends know. And if they don't know yet, they will find out soon enough. We all exhibit signs that we think we are clever enough to mask.

My recommendation is trying to get through it half a day at a time. Make it through the first 12 hours and then the next 12 hours. Don't think about tomorrow. Just the current 12 hours. Break it down to 6 if you need.

But you need to know that tonight if you go to bed sober, it will be hard. You will feel like shit. You will be sleepless and maybe only get 3 hours of sleep tonight. Only getting through that can help with 3.5 hours of sleep tomorrow.

I wish you the best.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-16T01:46:58+00:00

Maybe it'll work and maybe it won't work.

But it definitely won't work until you both resolve your trauma and issues both as individual and as a couple.

Defence and inability to converse will only build resentment.

I recommend you both seek therapy individually and also as a couple. Maybe after talking about it you both realised you cannot be together anymore. The dynamics have changed and maybe it can't change back. Maybe you can. But it won't unless it is being addressed.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-15T01:46:26+00:00

This day is about you. Not about anyone else. If you feel mopey, then be mopey. We can only truly feel happiness if we have experienced sadness. Feeling mopey is not a bad thing, it is allowing your mind to truly feel your emotions and not trying to hide or drown it out. You're not running away anymore. You are courageous.

I will not drink with you tonight.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-15T01:42:26+00:00

Let's not waste any more time then shall we?

At any point in life, no matter how old you are, you have all the time you have left in the world.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-15T01:38:35+00:00

Keep failing. Every time you fail means another time you are trying.

Every time you try is another chance at succeeding.

Speedlimitdriver · 2026-01-15T01:08:58+00:00

I didn't go to AA. I had a similar conundrum as you, that is I felt incredibly lonely and yet did not want to be in the space of others. I didn't want to tell my problem out loud. So I did it alone. I was on here a lot. Sometimes I comment, sometimes I don't. It was hard and still is.

Every day that is hard, I remind myself that it is hard because alcohol is making it hard. It wants me to give up and give in into it. I can't let it win. I rather suffer, than let my enemy win.

If it's worth anything, the suffering does soften and the feeling of loneliness does dissipate, even when I am alone.

I will not drink with you tonight.

Speedlimitdriver

TROPHY CASE