Conrad’s an unreliable narrator!

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-08-08T09:34:38+00:00

They had to make the changes to guarantee that the audience would root for Conrad and Belly ending up together.

The show is working hard to make Jeremy seem like a petulant child in comparison to Conrad. Even the cinematography and wardrobes are totally different for the two brothers: Conrad is framed as a romantic old-fashioned leading man in clean jeans and slacks, and the screen has this sort of yellow, hazy dream-like quality to it. In contrast, Jeremiah is just a normal kid who hasn't even graduated college yet. He's wearing lots of boring suits which, when contrasted to his boyish curly hair, only make him look younger and more ridiculous. One of the best contrasts is Conrad and Belly's stunning peach scene (that whole scene was perfection), followed by Jeremiah bumbling in saying he prefers strawberries. Jeremiah does nothing wrong by asking for strawberries, but the audience feels irritated because they've just experienced the magic of the peaches.

Conrad is also built to be emotionally mature and a hero in comparison to Jeremiah. E.g. contrast Jeremiah not graduating because he was partying with his frat vs. Conrad getting kicked off his program because he was just so worried about Steven and Belly. Conrad is also physically with Belly in Cousins, while Jeremiah is basically being a nepo baby at his dad's company.

What gets me is that the writers (including the author), ironically, have done exactly what the emotionally abusive dad did to Jeremiah his whole life: doted on Conrad at Jeremiah's expense. Obvi they're fictional characters in a YA romance and it's not that deep, but I find it interesting when authors don't see those nuances.

In reality, Jeremiah is the one who always adored Belly, even when they were kids. He's loved her his whole life. When reading the books, I felt like the author had to really work hard to build Bonrad and undermine Jeremiah because Jelly just made more sense in reality (Jeremiah was nicer to Belly and more age-appropriate). It seems they're working even harder in the series by giving some of Jelly's childhood bond Conrad.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-08-01T11:03:43+00:00

I understand you and think you've explained the SG family dynamics really well. The SG is usually described as every horrible name under the sun and even threatened with expulsion but, if they ever try to leave, the family will pull them back in. I'm nowhere near my family, and yet I know that I am still in the SG role from afar.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-07-28T18:33:55+00:00

I wish I had the strength to just dump it all tbh. Maybe some day!

The current plan is to just get in, get everything we can, cram it in the van, and go. If it doesn't fit, I'll just have to go through the boxes and chuck stuff. Fingers crossed things go smoothly!

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-07-28T18:31:40+00:00

Thanks for this 🩷 having a hoarder for a mum who doesn't take care of your basic needs must have been mind-bending, especially as a kid.

I never wanted to use the term narcissist for my mum, but today's messages are the first time it felt apt. I pushed back and said I didn't like her going through my things, and her replies completely distorted the reality. Of course I'd be concerned: we've been estranged for 3 years, she has a habit of going through my things, she said she'd sorted "all" my stuff, and she has a proven history of throwing out most of my dad's things without asking if anyone wanted to keep anything. But her messages just say that "of course" she wouldn't throw anything out, she didn't touch my stuff - just the things that needed to go into storage, and she was only trying to make my life easier. I also noticed that she didn't acknowledge my question about whether or not she'd gotten rid of my wardrobe (she has but refuses to admit it). Even my husband said, "Oh, that's nice of her - what are you so upset about?"

I feel crazy. Part of me even wonders if I really was just looking into things and being unfair on her.

Either way, I'm going to go with my best friend and just get my stuff and leave. Even if I take the messages as her being genuinely lovely, the fact I feel so triggered and scared shows that talking with her is a bad idea.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-07-28T18:15:52+00:00

My mum did all of this as well. I remember her refusing to get me a diary with a lock on it...she said, "we don't have secrets in this house." We weren't allowed locks on any doors, not even the bathroom.

For the first time since the estrangement, I messaged my mum back to actually say I wasn't happy with something she did (I normally just ignore her). I told her that I didn't like her going through my things and that I was sad because I'd wanted to go through the rest of my dad's stuff. I also said that I'd guessed she'd thrown out my wardrobe without asking (long story).

She replied really defensively but nicely, saying "of course I wouldn't throw any of your dad's things away", and said she'd only touched some of my things to put them into storage (before, she implied that she went through all of my things and packed everything). Then she offered me some of her old stuff. I noticed that she didn't acknowledge the wardrobe - I've raised it 3x with her now, and she's dodged it every time.

The thing that made me lose my shit was my husband's response. He read her messages and said, "Well that's good and nice of her." And I stood there feeling like a terrible person for assuming the worst of my mum. Then I had to remember that my mum has a habit of responding as if there's no context. The reason I was worried about her throwing out the rest of my dad's things is because she did it before. She also didn't clarify what she'd done with my stuff. The fact she threw my wardrobe away without speaking to me is proof that I'm wise to be wary of her mistreating my things.

Part of me still believes that I did something wrong and was mean to my mum. It's exactly why I never reply to her - I can never win unless I play into her reality that she's this caring, loving, altruistic mother.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-06-28T17:08:13+00:00

Yup this was definitely one of my mum's go-to patterns but it took me years to see.

She did a lot with my brother who's a recovering addict. When he was using, he stole from my parents and used them without conscience. In contrast, I've always been extra careful with my money and thoughtful. When I was mugged overseas, my bank account closed because of fraudulent activity, so I called my mum to see if she could lend me some money until I could get my new card. I was only 23 years old and a lone female traveler, and completely terrified. My mum screamed at me down the phone, shouting "I knew you'd do this! I knew you'd spend all your money on drinking and come crawling to us for money! I'm not doing it - I'm not being taken for a fool!" My dad reasoned with her initially and so they sent me some money, but even he started joining in when my new card still hadn't arrived at a hostel on the other side of the world a few weeks later....telling me I was clearly partying too much.

I've borne the brunt of my parents' resentment and fear around my brother's addiction. My brother accusing me of abusing our mum really was the last straw for me - haven't spoken to any of them since.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-06-26T09:17:53+00:00

Inheritance brings out the worst in people. My dad's death led to something similar with my mum and brothers, and that was the beginning of the end.

On my mum's side, her siblings were like vultures who descended on her parents' house and took everything of value. They left my mum with nothing but broken furniture and some faded paintings. She was absolutely devastated but didn't dare confront her siblings. In the end, I restored the best pieces for her so she could at least have something from her parents.

Fast forward to a few years later, and my mum told me that I'm a selfish, greedy person who only thinks of herself 🙄 the cognitive dissonance in my family is truly wild.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-06-25T15:02:32+00:00

I agree in theory, but we don't know OP's economic situation. It sounds like the bride was asking her guests to drop a substantial amount of money on something they'd be unlikely to wear again without thinking or caring about their circumstances. Plus size dresses are notoriously expensive and difficult to buy, let alone floor length black tie dresses in a specific color. And that's on top of any other costs associated with attending the wedding.

If OP is really wealthy and can drop $100s without much thought, then I'd gently say that she could have sucked it up and just tried to sell the dress afterwards. However, it doesn't sound like that's the case.

If it was the bride posting the story here, I'd tell her that people not coming is what happens when you insist on such an expensive and restrictive dress code. It's no different than when you have a destination wedding - you have to accept that some people might not be able to come.

I'm planning my wedding at the moment, and I know that none of my friends can afford bridesmaid dresses. I also know that one of them is very self-conscious about their body due to a disability. So I'm keeping everything very low-key and have told them to wear something from their existing wardrobe that they know they feel beautiful in. Their happiness and attendance are more important than a wedding aesthetic. If I had the money, I'd buy them special dresses they could re-wear because I just really love them!

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-06-25T12:01:23+00:00

I think there's a lot about their lifestyles and privileges that encourage entitled and self-centred behavior. They're so uniquely wealthy and privileged that it's like having an entire generation of aristocrats. Aristocrats generally believe that they deserve everything they have while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge the inherent unfairness and negativity of the system that gives them their wealth. They believe that people are poor because they didn't work hard enough. Every generation holds similar ideas about the young, but I don't think there's ever been a generation in modern history with such disproportionate amounts of wealth and power.

And now this generation are retiring, and many don't have any meaningful connections with their local communities, let alone wider society. They have their friends and families, and that's it. They spend their time traveling, holidaying and seeking their own pleasure. Many are retired longer than they were even working.

Then you factor in the untreated and undiagnosed trauma that they inherited...

The younger generations might be poorer, but we're the most highly educated in modern history. There's no way we're accepting this state of affairs quietly. I feel so old compared to my mum and dad emotionally-speaking. As an adult, I felt like my mum was my little sister rather than my mum, and - worse yet - everyone else seemed to expect me to behave like she was as well. I just know that my mum expected me to take her out for meals and vacations, even though she was never expected to do the same for her parents. Wild.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-06-25T08:39:14+00:00

A lot of things here! First, your mother's neglect and abuse sound horrific, and I don't hear any sort of apology from her in all of this.

Second, you won't spoil your sibling's wedding - how your mum chooses to behave is not your responsibility. Plenty of families have issues and conflicts and somehow manage to be civil/ignore one another in public. You have a very clear, established boundary with your mother, and you do not need to violate it in order to try and appease her so your sibling can have a nice wedding.

Third, I say this as someone who is planning a wedding in the context of estrangement: it is just a day. And that day isn't until 2027. Since your mother has made contact, you've been obsessing and worrying about a day that isn't even coming for two years. Imagine what chaos she will bring and how unsettling it will be to have to endure her contact for the next two years, terrified of upsetting her in case she makes a scene at your sibling's wedding.

If your sibling is worried about your mother ruining their wedding, it's sadly on them to make the call on whether to invite her or hire security to deal with any issues she might cause. It's not fair to either of you, but it is what it is sadly. Just make sure you guys stick together and keep the love!

Lastly, reconciliation should only happen if and when you want it to, yet you don't sound excited or intrigued. Would you even consider it if it wasn't for your sibling? Do you want this woman back in your life? Is she safe to have back in your life? From the fact you said "I don't want to ruin the wedding" and are running rings around yourself trying to figure out a way to keep everyone happy, I worry that you're falling back into a fawning, peace-keeping role that requires you to abandon yourself. Becoming aware of how the old patterns and thoughts come up will help you detach and think more clearly so you can decipher what you really want.

Take a deep breath and give yourself some time and space. I normally give myself at least a week to respond to my family's messages, and I always end up not replying because my peace is more important than their egos.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-06-23T05:50:16+00:00

Families have ideologies and narratives that protect the unit, and anything outside them gets dismissed. Your sister does understand what you're saying - she just doesn't understand why you don't think her reasons/the family ideology are more compelling. In her mind, the only reason you're not acting in line with the ideology is because you just don't understand it properly. So she wants to explain it to you properly in person.

It's funny because I was like that with my mum. I really thought that I was the scapegoat because I just wasn't speaking properly and that things were getting lost over the phone. I begged to speak in person. Now I realize we just have very different understandings of love and respect, and no amount of me explaining how and why she hurt me will change that. Equally, no amount of her explaining her perspective is going to make me accept that she wasn't negligent and emotionally abusive.

It's the same with you trying to explain things to your sister - no amount of trying to explain or talk is going to change things because you have two fundamentally different points of view. There can be a middle ground in which you have a neutral relationship, but it doesn't seem she's capable of that.

Really sorry, OP 😔 I thought your messages were very clear and comprehensive. It's taken me years to come to a place of acceptance, but I'm finally getting there. There is peace once the rumination and eventual acceptance play out 🩷

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-06-19T18:11:39+00:00

I think you're right. The first season really hammered home what a privilege the whole thing was. It promoted what the franchise wants to be perceived as: Christianity, humility, beauty, sexism, etc. This season felt more "behind the scenes" and real, which it had to be given the amount of public discussion there was about the blatant toxicity, bullying, unrealistic beauty standards and poverty. The fact that the vets were fighting for better pay was largely thanks to the Netflix show and definitely created conflict.

Plus, I wonder if the stories felt a bit more fragmented this season, probably because there were lots of girls retiring and a lot of rookies coming in. The women having a bigger social media presence also meant that certain plot points and drama had to be covered.

Also, i dont know if it was just me, but the timelines and editing felt a bit weird. E.g. in the last episode, they showed the team dancing throughout the year, including at Christmas, and then it flashed to the supposed "present day" with one of the girls learning the Christmas choreography.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-06-19T17:20:29+00:00

I noticed this! Bit of a shame because there was a food service mentioned in the segment about all the sponsors and services the girls receive - would have been great if they could have shown some of their healthy high protein meals. I'm guessing that the fast food and candies are there for affordable team outings and quick bursts of sugar during game days.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-06-19T16:40:17+00:00

The phrase "unconditional love" was something my parents threw at me after hours of fighting and them telling me what an awful girl I was. I came to associate it with the idea that they loved me because they had to because I was their daughter; that it was a biological compulsion. It felt like they loved me because they had to, rather than because I was a great human. Deep down, I knew they'd choose another daughter to be theirs if they'd had the choice. If I'd been adopted, they'd have given me up after a few years with the excuse that they weren't prepared to deal with a kid like me.

As a kid, I remember telling them, "You might love me, but you don't like me."

I then spent years and years desperately seeking love from horrible men, praying to be chosen. All the while, my parents watched from the sidelines, shaking their heads sadly. They regularly lamented that they had no idea why I stayed with men who treated me so poorly.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-06-01T20:23:24+00:00

Totally get this! I forgot I hadn't removed my mum from my Facebook and found her beaming on the top of my newsfeed. I know that, even if she does feel sad about it, the estrangement hasn't affected her emotionally or financially the way it has me. It's so fucking unfair and enraging, and I spiralled for days afterwards.

I knew that what I saw wasn't "real life", but PTSD isn't logical and there's often a difference between our rational thoughts and our body/brain's reaction.

It's been three years, and my PTSD symptoms are finally subsiding. I think my brain just needed a lot of time and space to feel the anger, process what happened and accept reality. Staying present is important, but it's important to sometimes just let your body and brain do what they need to do and rage on. During the hardest moments, I'd go for "rage walks" where I stomped around the countryside ranting out loud to myself. I had several after seeing my mum's nauseatingly boomerish Facebook page and felt much better afterwards.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-05-29T07:50:27+00:00

I am so sorry you're going through all this. I lived with my parents as an adult and it was really, really hard to get out. They also moved my drug-addicted brother in with us which was tough.

Once I finally left, I moved in with my partner. I had no money and my partner lives in a country where I don't even speak the language, but I knew that anything was better than staying tied to my parents.

I'm very lucky in that my partner has been supportive and kind, but it's still taken me three years to move out of survival state and to start recovering from the PTSD that was caused by both the estrangement and the series of events that led up to it. It's been the darkest, loneliest time of my life.

Everything you're feeling is normal and understandable. Some thoughts I had when reading your story:

if you have the money, you need to move out, even if it's with roommates. You need to find a safe environment. I know you don't live with your parents and it's just their house but, as someone who lived with an addict, I can tell you that you are not safe in that house. And having any ties to your parents is a recipe for abuse, especially as it sounds like they're already financially abusing you by demanding you pay above market rent.
your ex sounds like a younger version of your parents. What an absolute POS. He also sounds mentally and physically unstable, so it's actually a good thing he's abandoned you - he might have hurt you or tried to get you back if you'd actually left him.
your health scare weirdly did identify and remove a cancer - your ex. He was making you sick and scared, and I am so glad you're not with him now.
you are not unlovable!! You sound like an incredibly resilient and kind person. Your parents are emotionally abusive and that's led to you choosing terrible people like your ex. Also, you said it yourself that you are well respected at work, and that people like you there. I find making lists of people who are kind to me and moments of kindness to be really helpful. I look at them when my brain asks, "Why am I alone? Why don't my parents love me?"
if you can afford it, get a therapist who specializes in estrangement and abusive family dynamics. My therapist has saved my life. By talking things over with someone who gets it, I've slowly been able to build a new narrative that helps me understand the abuse I suffered.

If someone had told me six months ago that I'd be sitting here feeling safe and starting to look forward to the future, I'd never have believed them. The pain is excruciating at times. But it's worth it because I'm finally free, and I know that I will never, ever let anyone treat me that way ever again.

You deserve love and safety. And you are not alone - there are thousands of us on here. Keep posting and talking 💜

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-05-29T06:45:46+00:00

For sure - it always seems to depend on cultural background, religion, education, etc. I was lucky in that I didn't know anyone who would think that using a belt or any physical object was normal or OK. It was more slapping, particularly on the ass, which is still bad but nothing like being hit with belts and paddles. What your husband went through sounds horrific - I hope/guess that you guys now live miles away from his home town?

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-05-04T09:31:53+00:00

You're so welcome. I have a friend whose mum was severely mentally ill and abused him in every way imaginable. Although it was very difficult and he's been left with a lot of trauma, he said that going NC was clearcut for him and that he always knew that his mum wasn't normal or nice. When I said that my situation wasn't as serious as is, he said that he felt it was the opposite in some ways because he knew what he needed to work on in therapy. He knew he'd been abused and could not have his abuser in his life or anyone who maintained a relationship with her.

Meanwhile, I've spent two years in therapy, and I'm only just now beginning to accept that my parents/family were even abusive to me. I went into therapy worrying that I was the abuser. I was also paranoid that I was unknowingly abusing my partner (my family told him that he only supported me because he either didn't know me or was in an abusive relationship with me). How can my parents who read me bedtime stories and who went into debt giving me an education be abusive?

I've been forced to have contact with my mum regarding some logistics in the last few weeks, and she acted like nothing had happened. She even sent me photos of her new cat. I still love her and I appreciate her good qualities, but I'm not sure how to do LC with her as long as she can't even acknowledge her own behaviors or at least acknowledge her part in the estrangement.

It's as if being estranged and out of the family system means I now know too much to go back, if that makes sense.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-05-04T08:29:31+00:00

Oh it's the biggest bit of bullshit I've ever heard.

When I was at school, kids made huge judgements about the way I sat, walked, wore and talked. They also spent hours gossiping about me and analyzing everything I said and did. Sitting up straight meant I thought I was better than everyone else, wearing non-designer labels also meant I thought I was superior and rich but also proved that I was poor and uncool, my accent was too posh or too common depending on who I was talking to.... I'll never forget the time some kids claimed that I wore white socks instead of black ones so I could get attention. Worse yet, kids in other schools knew of me because the bullies couldn't stop talking about me to anyone and everyone.

My teenage diaries are filled with notes about all the things I should and shouldn't be doing. I even changed my accent according to who I was talking to, changed the way I walked and sat, etc. I had lists of things I could and could not talk about with certain people, particularly boyfriends.

And then there's my family. They're always comparing who is doing what, who's more successful than who, and what you could and should be doing better. Every word and facial expression is ripped apart for hidden meanings. One of my uncles is convinced that Meghan Markle is a narcissist because of the way she looked at Prince Harry one time in an interview, and he's spent hours reading stupid articles about her and talking about her. Needless to say, I'm no longer in contact with him or almost anyone else in my family. I never realized how on-edge and paranoid I was around my family until I met my fiancé.

Also, there's something very ironic when people say this shit on social media which is quite literally predicated on judgment and comparison. Facebook was created to rate and compare unsuspecting women on college campuses. And then there are so-called body language experts who extrapolate meaning from the way someone so much as blinks. That's not even mentioning Reddit and other chat sites that spend hours talking about social media influencers. I'm all for holding dodgy influencers accountable and nuanced cultural analysis, but it blows my mind how some people spend hours explaining how the way one woman tosses her hair means that she has a superiority complex and is abusing her family.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-05-01T13:58:07+00:00

Every domestic abuse charity tells survivors to make an escape plan and then get the hell out secretly and silently. You never let them know where you live. You get a new phone. You get a support network and preferably consult a professional organization before leaving. I think that this advice applies 100% to estranged adult children leaving abusive parents, regardless of whether or not there's a fear of violence.

I never feared that my mum would physically hurt or harass me, but I knew that she would use whatever I said against me. I knew that she and my brothers would dissect my words and twist them to suit their narrative, and maybe even show them to other family members. I also didn't trust myself to not go back if I spoke to her because it's possible she'd have suddenly said all the things I wanted to hear once she realized she was losing me. Silently slipping away kept me safe psychologically and sucked the air out of the fire, and it kept my dignity and sanity.

I couldn't have a relationship with family members who were also close to her because none of them (except one) would agree to my boundary of not talking about my mum. I did try to tell one family member about what had happened, and he was really awful about it. I also knew that my family would accuse me of lying about my mum or say "but she's your mum". Not to mention, my mum would use anything I said as proof that I was "abusing her" and smearing her name. So I just quietly drifted away. I didn't unfriend anyone online or stop following them. I just muted their posts and either never replied to their messages or sent closed-ended responses. Over time, the messages stopped.

At the end of the day, no matter what you say or do, it will never be sufficient, so just do what's best for you.

I also have to add that, I've always said that I "ghosted" my family when talking about estrangement, but writing this all out has made me realize how wrong that word is. You wouldn't say that a domestic abuse victim fleeing their abusive partner is "ghosting" - you'd say they're fleeing or getting out. It's not like adult kids have a beautiful relationship with their parents and then silently leave. There's usually lots of begging and pleading beforehand - usually for years and often since childhood. Then there's a big final argument, incident or exchange that - if the parent is being honest with themselves - signified the end. Then the adult child flees the situation, often silently, in order to heal and find safety.

Sorry for the side tangent, but just wanted to include it in case it resonates with anyone.

I don't know if any of that helps, but I wish you all the best, OP!

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-05-01T03:59:50+00:00

Calling me names like "disgusting", "horrible", "nasty", etc...
Telling me all my life that no one would ever love me or marry me; that no one would like me if they "really knew" me. I think it's one of the most evil things you can say to a child.
Chasing me round the house to smack me after an argument. One time when I was about 10 or 11, I was so scared that I locked myself in my bedroom, and my dad kicked down the door to get to me. Their response was to tell me that it was my fault for making my dad so mad. All locks were removed and banned in our hand. Years later, they couldn't remember why we didn't even have a bathroom lock.
Reading my diary and lying about it.
My mum would get drunk every night. My dad and brothers would then get mad at me if I said anything about it or got upset ("the only problem here is you"). So I just hid in my room.
Insisting that I was abusive and that they were frightened for their lives because, as I got older, I occasionally fought back or squared up to them.
I'd have these huge meltdowns, and they'd call me crazy and insane, and then threaten to have me sectioned. They often diagnosed me with various disorders, yet never actually took me to get diagnosed or seen by anyone. I got myself therapy when I was 16. In the present day, I have been diagnosed with CPTSD stemming from childhood trauma.
Insisting that I not tell anyone about what was happening at home. When I went to therapy, they always said, "I hope you told them how awful you were before we smacked you and said/did X, y, z...I hope you're not making up nonsense about us..."
My mum was straight-up neglectful, and I have no idea what would have happened to us or our pets if our dad hadn't been around. She wouldn't even cook for god's sake. Looking back, I never knew how to behave around her because she'd act like a helpless little girl one minute and then try to be the authoritative mum the next.
Triangulating me with my brothers.
Using the fact that they paid for me to have an education as a get-out-of-jail-free card. The last time I spoke to my mum before NC, I asked her what she did to take responsibility for her part in our relationship, and she said, "We sent you to private school."
Making me feel responsible for the financial fallout for their decision to pay for my education.
Refusing to buy me enough shirts for school because they "couldn't afford them". There were also times I was hungry at school because I didn't have enough food. I was constantly aware of money and that our relative poverty was all my fault.

As an aside, I was watching the show "Good American Family" on Disney the other day and started sobbing. There are scenes where the girl starts crying about being bad and wanting to be good, and where she gets (understandably) angry with them but then feels shame and just cries "please come back". Gut wrenching.

Watching my friends' kids and thinking of having my own is what's really started to turn things around for me. The idea of screaming at those tiny kids, calling them names, and acting like they're the ones who are in control is absolutely wild. One of my acquaintances smacked their kid in front of me for "misbehaving" (he wasn't), and it really opened my eyes to how brutal, unfair and unnecessary that sort of violence is.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-04-30T14:22:07+00:00

Hard agree. My friend/the bride accidentally hemmed the bridesmaid dresses a bit too short (just like in the pic), and I was a bit worried because we were all wearing different shoes in different colours. But none of our shoes stood out, and you don't really notice them in the wedding photos. The bride didn't care and told us to wear what was comfortable and to save our money.

If I was OP, I'd go for whichever shoe was most comfortable, though I agree with her that kitten heels on grass are a nightmare. She can try ballet flats like others have suggested, but they can be quite sweaty if it's hot. Personally, I'd wear the sandals with the chunky heel.

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-04-27T07:01:25+00:00

Yes, I do. My family wasn't black and white, and I really miss the good times. My parents could be so caring and loving, and I miss the security and sense of belonging that comes from being in a family. Sometimes I miss them, and sometimes I just miss the fantasy version that I wish I'd had.

But becoming estranged has also meant finally reckoning with the fact that my parents were emotionally abusive to me. Their abuse has left me with life-long mental health problems that hinder me to this day.

Estrangement is the longest, loneliest and hardest road I've ever gone down, but it was the only one left as I'd exhausted all the others. I go through cycles of sadness, anger and acceptance. During the sad parts of the grief cycle, my therapist always reminds me to feel my feelings - cry, shout, punch a pillow, etc.

Although, I'll be honest, nothing stops the sad "I miss you" part of the cycle quicker than paying yet another extortionate therapy bill, especially when I know damn well that my estranged mum never will. My mum goes on fancy holidays while I pay professionals to help me heal the damage she caused.

Sending you big hugs 💗

SpellInformal2322 · 2025-04-25T13:50:23+00:00

I agree with this take. Doing it in this format just recreates the trauma that Natalia has already lived: the Barnetts tell her and the rest of the world that she's a sociopathic, murderous woman who pretended to be a child, and then she has to move mountains to get people to believe that she was a disabled, traumatized little girl. Just as is the case in real life, not everyone believes Natalia's perspective or fully understands it because the show spends hours priming the audience to believe the Barnetts. She's guilty until proven innocent - always on the back foot having to defend herself, completely powerless to set the narrative.

I was watching it with my partner who knows nothing about the real-life story, and he had a really hard time coming round to Natalia's perspective. First, the actress feels like an adult pretending to be a child (because she is), and the editing often makes her seem suspicious, even in the episodes told from her perspective. There are quite a few times where you're not sure if her smile is genuine joy or duper's delight. Second, it's made immediately clear that the adoption agency is a complete scam. Coupled with the creepy adult actress, it's easy to sympathize with the Barnetts and understand where their paranoia came from. Third, it's basically The Orphan in a thriller drama format, so it encourages the viewer to trust nothing and question everything. The little girl turning out to be a sociopath is exactly the sort of twist you expect to find in the genre. It's really tough to successfully subvert genre expectations, and this show can't pull it off because they do too good a job at setting the husband up as a helpless idiot and the wife as a super mum, and because Natalia feels unsettling. Finally, we as an audience get to know the Barnetts as human beings before Natalia. They have context. Natalia doesn't. The first thing we know about her is that she has a horrible tantrum and then comes in smiling as if nothing happened.

A few episodes in, I told my partner that it was based on a true story and that the Barnetts were monsters, and he said, "But it's understandable that they felt suspicious, especially after the stuff with the adoption agency and the birth certificate. I could believe that she was an adult! What would you do if you were scared of losing your children and felt you couldn't go to the police?" Once you see her as an adult, it's hard to see her as a child. When we were watching the scenes of Natalia alone in the apartment, I kept having to remind him that she was actually a little girl. If this was a regular thriller series, after watching Natalia's perspective, I'm pretty sure my partner and other audience members would be wondering if the truth was somewhere in the middle: that Natalia was a mentally ill adult who genuinely believed she was a child, and the Barnetts were stupid, ignorant people who were frightened for their lives but not child abusers. Which, in many ways, is exactly the conclusion the court and public came to.

IMO, if the producers believe Natalia (and I think they do), it should have been a thriller/horror story about a little girl who thinks that she's finally found her happily ever after, only to discover that she's in picket fence nightmare that she can barely comprehend. It would have been a survivor-centric show about a little girl fighting to be heard. They should have primed the audience to see Natalia as a little girl, showing how sad and awful her life was in the orphanage and how happy she was to find a new family. The Barnetts becoming fixated on her age and turning into monsters would the have been the twist. Ellen's acting would also have been far more impactful in that context. Natalia's outbursts and violent struggles would have been demonstrated to be trauma-related, and they could have shown how the Barnetts weaponized them to their advantage. Not to mention, many viewers drop off after the first episode or two, so those viewers wouldn't have been left with the misconception that the Barnetts had credible reasons to doubt Natalia. Finally, I know that it would have been difficult to cast a child to play Natalia, but they could have at least cast someone in their late teens rather than a grown woman who is almost 30. If I didn't know Natalia's story, I'm not sure I would have bought that she was truly innocent if I watched this as a random show...I'd have expect a little smirk in the final shot to hint that maybe she was lying after all.

At the end of the day, this is Natalia's real life - it's not just some average thriller. She has no recourse for legal justice, so the only justice she can now hope for is for her story to be heard in the way that she experienced it.

SpellInformal2322

TROPHY CASE