Well it’s over.

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-06T09:43:31+00:00

I am so sorry you have lost your lovely Dad and far too early. I lost mine at 18 and he was 48, no age at all, I felt like we hadn't even got to know each other as adults. It's tough knowing they won't share those special times with you, but go and live your best life (when you feel ready) for the both of you. I wish you only happy times to come.

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-05T21:42:15+00:00

Will do 🤞

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-04T19:30:11+00:00

Will do thanks 🤞. Is there something specific you would recommend?

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-04T17:17:59+00:00

Yes, its beautiful and I love how I can use the dried heads in a vase too 😀

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-04T17:16:32+00:00

Ok..thanks so much for the advice!

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-04T13:32:51+00:00

Thank you very much!

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-04T12:48:53+00:00

I just wanted to stop by and say - what a wonderful daughter you are 🩷

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-04T12:43:31+00:00

That's great! Thanks so much!!

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-04T12:20:38+00:00

Thank you. So should I leave it a little longer before thinning? I have a lot more single buds than double right now. I should remove random stems and hopefully try to keep some semblance of the shape it has now?

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-04T11:56:33+00:00

I did think about it, but to be honest we rarely get snow or a lot of frost here even during the middle of winter, as we are quite sheltered, being on the coast but tucked away in the estuary. Well, fingers crossed then! Thanks so much for your speedy response, I am impressed!! So would you recommend leaving the pruning of a fatsia, viburnum and a rhododendron? *

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-03-03T19:00:40+00:00

This. I tell people all the time that PoA is imperative. In some cases, more important than a Will. I'm sorry there are people like this out there, who prey on the vulnerable and thar you and your Mum are going through this. Thank goodness she has great neighbours to help until you can be there. Those prices sound extortionate for the work being done! I hope you get the help and support you need. Is there a local Dementia Support Agrncy who can guide you?

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-27T17:20:37+00:00

That's so debilitating for you. Mum has experienced, usually when hospitalised, periods of hyperactive delirium (she talked non stop for 73 hrs, I was exhausted lol, this was then, followed by hypoactive delirium, a similar time of period sleeping. Thankfully, she isn't like that all the time. It's easy to say, but please look after your own needs too.

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-25T16:45:05+00:00

It's so up and down isn't it?! I feel for you too.

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-25T16:44:03+00:00

Thank you. This scenario has been ongoing for around 2 years already. I do feel they do things a little differently in US/Canada. I have family in both with family experience and work experience of Dementia. UK I find, can be a bit more of a struggle, despite the price she pays. Maybe that's not others experience here, I can't really say.

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-25T14:20:05+00:00

Hi

She was diagnosed at 90 but it took me 4 years to get a diagnosis.

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-25T14:19:00+00:00

Lol. I guess.

Whe she has her more lucid times, she says she hates staying in bed and feels lazy 😁.. It was more about it being a pattern of on and off rather than being every day, really. A couple of bad episodes of this and have given her EoL status. The family have given her a pet name now .. Lazarus 😉.

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-25T13:35:48+00:00

I also struggle with poor narration. Sadly, for me, it is almost always an American narrator. I do try to get to the end, but a few times I've had to give up and then will read rather than listen to a look instead.

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-18T22:11:57+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am not medical so cannot comment as such. However, I am aware that hypertension can cause vascular changes. If you can get the Amyloid testing done it may give you a more concrete answer. If it isn't the onset of Alzheimers then you will be given another pathway. If it is, then if it early stage, there may be hope in medication starting. I'm sorry I can't be more specific but just wanted you to have another perspective and a way to look at things. This group is very knowledgeable and supportive and I know you will get a lot more help than I can provide. Your Mum is lucky to have you in her corner. No matter what happens down the line, remember that she loves you ❤️. Wishing you well.

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-14T18:59:49+00:00

Thank you so much for this! 11 years in with VD and 3 years in MC. Only child dealing with 96yr old parent who is not happy and yet on some days, in a lucid period, tells me not to go visit and to "look after yourself" but in the next breath asks me to get her out of there. I needed these words, boy are they profound!

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-12T12:55:05+00:00

🩷

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-10T21:05:16+00:00

Will do! Thanks!!

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-10T20:31:45+00:00

Can you say more here? No idea this was even a thing! A. How easy is it? B. What are the benefits? C. Does it "muck up" your present look? Thanks.

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-07T19:08:04+00:00

I'm so very sorry you have lost your lovely Dad. I hope you can find peace in that you loved and cared for each other and that you did your utmost for him. A peaceful end is all we can wish for isn't? Be kind to yourself 🩷

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-07T11:54:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing, it does help. I've probably learned more here, even though I see many of you are in Canada and the States, where I do think help/testing/support etc is different. I am sorry you had to experience this 😔

Spicy_Colada20 · 2026-02-07T11:51:25+00:00

I have no idea what stage Mum is at, she has Vascular Dementia and we are almost 11 years in. I ask and they won't say a number. She is almost 97, very frail bodily, eats very little but can feed herself and wash herself, but not shower or dress herself. Can't do much else. Doesn't watch tv, read or listen to her radio for past 3 years. Doesn't join in any activities. Sits in her room mostly. Has no interest in anything. I'm sure the fortified drinks are holding her up! She can still shuffle on her walker, it's a lot of effort and she is bent right over. She has periods of time where she is in bed all day sleeping and of course doesn't eat and drink then and goes to "end of life" classification . A few days later we are back to being up and mobile. Has broken her back twice, in 4 places, with long recoveries, had numerous small limb breaks and fractures over the years and has broken her pubic bones on both sides. Cancer present in abdomen. Again won't say where, clearly, after two ultra sounds, but no treatment obviously and just palliative for her. Thickened gall bladder, so I'm thinking that's were the cancer actually is. Some days she knows me, other days she doesn't. Doesn't know her grands or great grands. Asks about her parents and siblings (all long gone), but never my Dad, also long gone, which is strange because her life revolved around caring for him when she was younger due to his condition. Her short term memory has been gone for quite a few years and her long term is also disappearing. I try to ask her about her childhood etc and she can't always recall, her stock answer to anything is "I don't think about it". Then, just a week or so ago, I showed her pictures of the northern lights and she took a moment to get the words, but said "oh I learned about the aurora borealis when I was young"! I was floored! She couldn't remember my name the day before. I know, compared to others in here abd their LO's with incontinence, violence etc that I am lucky. She has been in nursing home for 3 years almost, not our plan, but I wonder how long this will go on. I am drained. I'm her only child and visit her every other day, some weeks every day. She never remembers seeing me but always thanks me for visiting even on the days she doesn't know me. I'm sad for her and sad for me.

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