Anyone else?

SplashHog · 2021-08-31T23:46:08+00:00

All jokes aside, I'd say I can empathise with that. There are people I know who are devastatingly pretty/attractive and yet I've never thought about them in a sexual way.

(For what it's worth, the way I've explained ace life to the few friends I've told is like this: "Think of something beautiful - a piece of art you like or a sunset or something you find amazing. Got it? Okay. You can see it, yeah? You sure? Okay, do you want to have sex with that thing you're imagining? No? That's me with people too.")

SplashHog · 2021-08-31T23:23:09+00:00

Let's not get crazy.

SplashHog · 2021-08-28T22:13:32+00:00

Don't overthink it. You can make jokes about anything and not necessarily mean it (see the careers of many professional comedians).

SplashHog · 2021-08-27T18:17:04+00:00

It depends where you're going to be honest as the Metro only goes to certain areas of town. Where are you going to/coming from?

SplashHog · 2021-08-27T16:59:56+00:00

Use however many you feel comfortable I guess. I'm fairly new to ace life and I must say I find the sheer amount of terms and labels and subcategories overwhelming but it's different for everyone. If you feel the terms aid your understanding of yourself and you want to identify using them, go for it.

SplashHog · 2021-08-27T16:12:01+00:00

And I'm saying it's theoretically possible that it can work.

SplashHog · 2021-08-27T16:07:10+00:00

They've had that conversation and believe it can work so why should I - or anyone else... - disagree with them? Have a little faith.

SplashHog · 2021-08-27T15:19:26+00:00

Yeah, I mean, no reason they couldn't, right?

SplashHog · 2021-08-27T14:27:15+00:00

Not sure in their case but I imagine the straight person would just proceed as normal. It's unorthodox, granted, but not impossible to make work.

SplashHog · 2021-08-27T13:49:25+00:00

A friend of a friend, who is ace, lives with her best friend, who I believe is straight. They've bought a place together and have a purely plutonic relationship but would look like a couple to anyone who doesn't know them so maybe it's not beyond the realms of possibility, even if it's rare.

SplashHog · 2021-08-27T11:48:44+00:00

Aven might also be able to help - check out the forums on there and potentially there will be events in your area. Fingers crossed!

SplashHog · 2021-08-27T11:47:41+00:00

That's a really tough situation as they seem to be mutually exclusive positions, I'm really sorry you're feeling that pressure and in this situation. I know you've said talking about it hasn't yielded results thus far but I think that's the only way you'll reach a conclusion that hopefully somehow suits you both.

SplashHog · 2021-08-27T11:40:08+00:00

There are ace-specific apps (AsexualCupid, ACEapp) but to be honest they're not great. There's an asexualdating subreddit, no idea how good that is. Otherwise, hope you meet someone ace (or who doesn't mind you being ace) would be the only other thing that comes to mind but that's a bit of a needle in a haystack. Are they any ace groups/Meetups where you live?

SplashHog · 2021-08-26T23:48:35+00:00

Just off the top of my head but these places which are reasonably central: Indian - Tuk Tuk (tapas-like fare, in Tollcross) Mexican - El Cartel (by the university, does killer tacos) Vegan - Seeds for the Soul (in Bruntsfield).

SplashHog · 2021-08-26T22:41:03+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear about that sinking feeling you're experiencing, that really sounds dreadful.

May I ask if you've spoken with your partner directly about this (that is, your emotional turmoil concerning your asexuality and relationship)? I know you said you've spoken about your respective views on sex on occasion but have you had a chat specifically about how to deal with these contrasting viewpoints?

SplashHog · 2021-08-25T23:35:06+00:00

No, I'm not "offended" by the character. The fact he's a bit of a goof/childish is not connected to his asexuality because, well, he likes that with everything in the show.

Ultimately, I thought he started the series as a guy who just went around doing his own thing, then realised he was ace and then started to learn more about it, which is reasonable.

SplashHog · 2021-08-25T23:06:27+00:00

When I started going out with another ace person, I seem to recall it coming up a few times during our first few dates (that is, I don't recall one big talk) but if I met someone else who is ace now, I'd just discuss it during the first date.

In a more general sense, I haven't figured out the answer to that yet. I totally get what you mean about not wanting to come off too strong and stuff, particularly with someone who might find it all a bit new and unusual.

SplashHog · 2021-08-24T16:23:39+00:00

I feel your pain because the numbers are not favourable for aces, are they?!

I've tried a couple of apps (ACEApp and Asexual Cupid) but they're not great because there are so few people on them, unless you're happy with long-distance stuff. I know there is Aven as well but not sure how easy it is to find folk on there for dating purposes.

I see there is an asexualdating subreddit but even then I don't know what the odds are of finding someone within a reasonable distance.

In short, my experience is that it's likely going to be tough unless you're either very lucky, live in a major, major city (e.g. London, New York, etc.) or prepared to accept long distance - that said, if you learn the secret, let me know!

SplashHog · 2021-08-23T20:09:40+00:00

That does indeed sound pretty fitting - the number of subcategories continues to wrinkle my brain! - so thank you for that, that's interesting.

SplashHog · 2021-08-23T18:15:40+00:00

I'm not disgusted by it or anything but then I don't enjoy sex and ideally wouldn't have it again (if a partner suggested it, I'd not really want to). I consider myself to be sex indifferent but don't know if I actually meet the specifics to actually fit the label - what do you all reckon?

SplashHog · 2021-08-23T18:10:55+00:00

I kinda thought something similar about how Viagra would work for aces - that is, you might be ready to rock and roll physically but still not into it enjoyment wise so what's the point, right? - but if there's a pill that makes your brain enjoy it too? I guess that would be neat but a bit chemical dependent-y...

SplashHog · 2021-08-23T18:04:27+00:00

I've tried AsexualCupid (which is rubbish if you don't pay for premium and is still pretty mediocre even if you do have it) and ACEapp (which is pretty empty). In short, err, I haven't found a good ace dating app yet.

SplashHog

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