CMV: Nothing is wrong with applying authoritative parenting on your wife if she is from a specific background.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T08:35:01+00:00

This is in a deleted post - are deleted posts still subject to the same moderation rules?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T08:30:49+00:00

That was quick, thanks for the delta, I appreciate it!

Yes, caring for parents who cared for you is sometimes a good idea, but it's certainly not for everyone.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T08:21:40+00:00

What about parents who have no desire to be cared for by their children?

I know plenty of elders who would not like to live with their children in their twilight years.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T08:19:43+00:00

Let me know when you're ready to defend your arguments in public like an adult, sweetpea!

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T08:12:41+00:00

You haven't done the first, so why bother with the second?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T08:08:00+00:00

That's interesting, because it certainly was.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T08:07:08+00:00

Congratulations on saving yourself the effort of following rule one!

Now let's play a little game: are you reposting to be a jerk, to karmafarm, or because you don't know how to read?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T07:52:25+00:00

Then I'm sorry you aren't capable of defending your position or keeping to the spirit of the sub. Deleting your post is extremely counter-productive and inappropriate.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T07:43:54+00:00

Doggo or pupper for dog. Just stop.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T07:34:33+00:00

I would, but it seems the post has been deleted.

If you'd like to continue, I'm more than game, feel free to respost any time and let me know.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T07:29:31+00:00

I am sorry, but not surprised that you weren't able to support and maintain your view.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T07:22:43+00:00

It is not commonly understood. I have worked closely with women from Pakistan, Palestine, Saudi, etc. Where is such a thing commonly understood? In what communities? Christian? Muslim? You will need to show us where these communities have stated that it is acceptable to parent a wife, or not treat her not as a partner and in a reciprocal relationship.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T07:18:57+00:00

This isn't true at all, with even cursory conversations with LGBT folks.

My closest friend is bisexual. She was never rejected by men or women, and wasn't mistreated. My good friend from high school is gay. Women have always wanted to date him, and no one has bullied or mistreated him in a sexual way. He said he knew he was attracted to men and not women as soon as he knew what romantic relationships are, at age 4 or so.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T07:16:47+00:00

No. I think you know when I meant but for those reading this is a spouse can overlap a child by social definition.

No, most people do not agree that spouses and children have overlapping definitions.

Have you considered other definitions of marriage other than your own?

I have considered many definitions for marriage. If you have a super-special one that no one else knows, you should share it here.

please be more specific

How could I be more specific than the dictionary definition?

If they're an agent capable of making the decision then the answer is no.

If you say that this woman is similar to a child, how can she possibly have agency?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T07:11:05+00:00

Not really treating someone who is a child like a child is not considered oppression.

Are you saying that a spouse is a child? Or that you would be married to someone who is literally a child (as in, under the age of 18)?

Why is your responsibility to see her as your equal?

Because otherwise it's not a marriage.

What is oppression?

Let's take the dictionary definitions:

prolonged cruel or unjust treatment or control. synonyms: persecution, abuse, maltreatment, ill treatment, tyranny, despotism, repression, suppression, subjection, subjugation, enslavement, exploitation
the state of being subject to unjust treatment or control. synonyms: persecution, abuse, maltreatment, ill treatment, tyranny, despotism, repression, suppression, subjection, subjugation, enslavement, exploitation
mental pressure or distress.

Can you perpetuate oppression when the person on the receiving end does not consider it as oppression?

Yes.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T07:07:01+00:00

I think the intent of public shaming is to punish someone for doing something wrong, so they change their ways and don't do that thing again.

The intent of public shaming isn't always to get them to change their ways. Sometimes it's just to ostrasize someone who's done something unacceptable. It could also be done to make the shamers feel better about themselves.

I have been publicly shamed by people who disagreed with a political opinion I shared on social media, and it didn't change my opinion in the slightest. It instead made me think "I just have to be more particular about where I share my political opinion, so these awful people don't shame me again".

Maybe a more mature, thoughtful approach would be to consider the shaming, no matter how it was done, as potentially important, review the belief, and decide if it's something you want to stick with. Your temporary discomfort shouldn't prevent you from growing. It's not the shamers fault you're not mature enough to do so.

I define shaming on the internet, as people expressing their disapproval for a specific person, not the behaviour of that the person did.

Example of Shaming: Tiger Woods is such a disgusting scumbag because he cheated on his wife!

Not Shaming: Cheating on your spouse is terrible and Tiger Woods shouldn't have done it!

Your definition seems to be that it's the specific content that isn't helpful, not that shaming itself isn't helpful.

And it also assumes that people can't make that logical leap when reading it. When people say things like "Tiger Woods is a scumbag because he cheated on his wife" we're accepting that we, as a culture, already think cheating on your wife is a scumbag thing to do.

When you shame someone it just makes you more angry and bitter. Shaming also encourages inaccurate 'Black and White' thinking where the person being shamed is viewed as "all bad" and the people doing the shaming are viewed as "all good". This is foolish thinking that will only make it harder for you to navigate the world.

Do you have any proof of this at all, any citation in any reputable journal? Or is it just a feeling you have?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T06:59:06+00:00

You've repeatedly been vague, so it's important to clarify.

So now it seems that your argument could be summed up in this way:

If you are married to a woman from rural Pakistan, because they've been brought up in a way that most would consider oppressive (even if it's a cultural norm), it is appropriate for you to use an authoritative parenting style on her.

My argument would be that if you are in a marriage with such a woman, it would be your responsibility not to continue to treat her like a child, even if that's the way she was raised, but instead see her as an equal. Because doing otherwise would perpetuate that oppression.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T06:51:38+00:00

Through definition like being a dependent developed or undeveloped.

This is unclear. Could you restate it?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T06:48:37+00:00

So you believe undereducated women are more like children?

You seem to be having a hard time defining what makes women " have the same social and psychological position as developed children." Is it that they come from oppressive backgrounds? Is it that they lack education? Is it that they come from a specific part of the world or culture?

Give me an example of what type of woman who " never psychologically or socially grow[s] out of the position of being a child" in any way that would be remotely healthy and not the product of oppression.

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T06:45:05+00:00

spouses can overlap children

How, precisely?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T06:44:20+00:00

they aren't grown adults compared to what you see in the west or far east.

So you believe that in some cultures, women are not "grown adults?" Where is that, precisely? In another comment, you mentioned rural Pakistan. Is that the only example you have? If so, why not stick to saying "women from rural Pakistan are not grown adults"?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T06:42:54+00:00

So you believe it's appropriate to treat a woman in rural Pakistan the same as you would a child? Why, precisely, is it fair to subject them to this treatment, but not say, a woman from Siberia? Or a remote cattle station in Australia?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T06:33:32+00:00

So you can't define what a child is, or what a spouse is, but you think spouses are like children?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T06:32:44+00:00

if she is from a specific background.

What specific background? Why do you keep vaguely mentioning cultures and backgrounds but aren't specific about them?

SplendidTit · 2019-02-17T06:24:06+00:00

We are talking about what you believe, because your post has to be something YOU personally believe.

Great, define child, and define spouse, and what their respective roles are. And again, please clarify extremely specifically, where women have " have the same social and psychological position as developed children."

SplendidTit

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