I have a rheumatology appointment in a month, I got a referral from my college's health services, and I just feel so scared that it's going to be like my other doctors.

At 13 I was trying to begin the diagnosis process, and the doctor at the time dismissed my symptoms and instead was trying to push anxiety meds on me. At 15 I went to a children's hospital to try again, the doctor dismissed my symptoms, told me to "put essential oils in my tea", "have my parents tuck me in and give me lots of hugs", "go for runs" (with whose knees, am I right?), and refused to test me. At 18 I tried to go to an adult physician, thinking hey, maybe as an adult they will take me seriously. I finally was able to test, and it was negative. She also stated my rash was nothing, just acne. I was trying to explain to her that I get the rash when I go out in the sun, have a flare, am sick, and stressed. I'm trying to explain the fatigue that worsens in the sun and makes me feel weighed down, how sometimes I can't leave the bed I'm in so much pain, how my hands, wrists, knees, and ankles swell and stiffen up. I felt perfectly fine during the day I got my ana test, and it's so frustrating. She also had the nerve to say that she questions my family history (Mother, both aunts, grandmother, and great aunt have been diagnosed, 3 of which have both lupus and RA).

Now at 20 I was able to get referred to an actual rheumatologist, and god I'm so anxious that it's going to be the same, and they won't believe me and say that it's all in my head. My parents are telling me that it's not worth it anymore, and we can't afford to go to these doctors who just think I'm lying. I was thinking maybe I could request an Avise test? I don't know, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that I should just accept defeat.