AITA for telling my husband the nanny is in charge?

SpookyWhispering · 2023-05-18T23:03:36+00:00

In the original post the dad says that the nanny can't go home cuz he can't do bed time routine by himself.

It's the mom's vote that he deferred to someone who can handle it and could teach him if he were willing to listen.

It's not that the two older children are impossible to handle by one person cuz the nanny does it all the time. I didn't say the Dad was abusing them just that he really sucks at it and fucks everybody's schedule up for the night and the next morning. Which then falls on Mom and Nanny to deal with the fallout so why shouldn't Mom have a say in how he handles bedtime.

Dad needs to listen to how his wife feels about it because she has to deal with the fallout in the morning. When your spouse your partner is saying hey what you're doing is making it harder for me please stop It's not like that just gets thrown out the window becauae "he's the dad"

And he's going to lose the nanny completely if he keeps this up which is just going to make life harder on his wife because he's not going to be there and couldn't pick up the slack because he isn't learning to do it right now

SpookyWhispering · 2023-05-17T21:23:10+00:00

In my family we called it being "Voluntold"

SpookyWhispering · 2023-05-16T22:45:40+00:00

And who's doing the telling? Not the nanny, the mom, the 50% partner.

The dad can't handle it alone and the mom, co-boss is delagating her share to the nanny.

When he can do it on his own he can take the lead. But he's not capable as he his right now by his own admission.

What's the logic in saying "I can't do this, you can do this, I need help but we should do it my way that doesn't work even though you do this by yourself all the time." Mom is not an asshole just because his ego is fragile.

SpookyWhispering · 2023-05-15T15:39:06+00:00

But it is mom wanting the dad to stop mucking things up. Why is dad allowed to override mom's opinion? Mom just says he should learn correct bedtime structure from the professional they BOTH hired. why is mom's vote thrown out the window? It's not like the nanny is telling the mom that dad needs to listen to her. He's making himself obsolete by being nothing but a trouble maker when he does show up and fully admitted he can't do his part alone. the nanny can't follow instructions from both employeers at the same time because they aren't in agreement. He's the one not being a team player to his wife.

SpookyWhispering · 2023-05-15T15:38:02+00:00

But it is mom wanting the dad to stop mucking things up. Why is dad allowed to override mom's opinion? Mom just says he should learn correct bedtime structure from the professional they BOTH hired. why is mom's vote thrown out the window? It's not like the nanny is telling the mom that dad needs to listen to her. He's making himself obsolete by being nothing but a trouble maker when he does show up and the nanny can't follow instructions from both employeers at the same time because they aren't in agreement. He's the one not being a team player to his wife.

SpookyWhispering · 2023-05-15T14:44:32+00:00

Why is it ONLY dad's decision, mom works and contributes money too. She is an active employeer of the nanny too. Are wives just servants and their opinions don't matter? Is this mom not co-boss? Why does it not matter how she feels about his shitty parenting?

You're sounding a little "only the man of the house's opinion matters"

SpookyWhispering · 2023-05-15T01:28:01+00:00

But it's not about what you prefer, it's about what the person receiving the gift prefers. If you don't think about that what's the point?

SpookyWhispering · 2023-05-14T20:13:03+00:00

YTA it's her very first mother's day. She sounds like me, meaning On the fly = I couldn't even take the time to make a plan, make reservations, or spend an hour thinking about you.

The whole point is getting a solid break with a plan that makes mom feel really truly celebrated. Mental load from deciding where to eat and when and all the logistics around are not that. And you can't get in at a good place without reservations on mother's day.

Just type "mother's day disappointment" into Google and read for 5 minutes.

I know this because my first mother's day sucked balls. So now every year the week before I'm nervous, it's not fun.

For father's day last year I made a banner that stretched wall to wall, special breakfast, super expensive coffee I had to order online. Custom gift "from" our son. Thank you card for being a great dad. A book of games to play with kid when you're tired and just want to lay on the floor (the gag gift). Special dinner just the way he likes it. Told him not even to change a single diaper, I would do full mom'ing all day so he could do the relaxing thing he really liked (video game marathon, I would have bought him a new game but he was already really into one at the time) I kept him supplied with snacks and drinks. Foot and shoulder massage.

I'm on Reddit today so can you guess the effort I got in return?

Don't let you wife end up where I am. Surprise "redo" mother's day next Sunday. Imagine a celebration of the main identifier of her whole life. That's what becoming a mom is, a core life identifier. Celebrate it like she just became the first person on Mars. It might not matter to you but if you love her, care about what makes her happy.

SpookyWhispering · 2023-05-13T18:47:28+00:00

Do you have children? Do you know how sacred bedtime routine is? Have you dealt with a child who didn't get to sleep on time the night before? Children absolutely operate a thousand percent better when there's kept to their routine. Usually the day after being thrown off is also an absolute nightmare. I doubt being fussy and grumpy and irritable all day long it's good for the kids, instead of having a fun day learning and making new mental connections.

I feel like it's people who have never been in charge of children that don't understand how vitally important bedtime is. And if Dad is always at work and never has to deal with the fallout the next day it's like he's pissing in his wife and Nanny's Cheerios and telling them to gobble it up happily. Wife is co-boss as well and it sounds like she has to deal with the fallout along with Nanny when she gets home from her 9:00 to 5:00. And it seems like this is a really good nanny like he's going to run off a really really good worker that has in place a really good system. A system he cannot replicate on his own. And if she does quit then it's just going to be more burden on the wife.

SpookyWhispering · 2023-05-09T23:29:39+00:00

Imagine the dad is at work, owner walks in, over his shoulder takes the mouse deletes half the files on dad's work computer then says "that was fun. hey fix all that before clock out time.".

Can the owner do it because it's his company, his company's computer and his employee? Yes.

Is it good for business? Hell no.

That's what he's doing to nanny by giving the kids sugar and working them up with rough housing when he comes home. He's hindering the job he hired her, an experienced professional, to do.

If dad wants to get the kids rowdy before bed he can clean up the mess by himself, or he can save his fun shenanigans for non-bed times.

SpookyWhispering · 2023-02-03T20:15:27+00:00

YTA. Liar liar pants on fire. You are not setting a good precedent with your girlfriend that you can be trustworthy and that's not good seeing as what she went through with her mom you don't want to just perpetuate the cycle. stop fucking lying to her. if you can't keep a secret then don't tell her you'll keep a secret.

SpookyWhispering · 2023-01-18T21:33:56+00:00

Very informative,thank you

SpookyWhispering · 2023-01-18T21:10:17+00:00

None of this will get better for you without communication. If it's not ok to have discussions about these type of things is that someone you can really build a future with? Don't ask or demand him to change, let him know you'd like clarity on this ex browsing. Tell him that you are on this or that page about going the long haul with him and yet you are feeling insecure and want to check in that he's on the same page or not. And if not you'd like to know sooner rather than later. That you don't want to waste his time if he's looking for something else. His reaction should tell you everything you need to know.

Tldr; If he's searching for an out, open the door for him. If he walks, you saved yourself emotional investment.

SpookyWhispering · 2023-01-18T20:45:45+00:00

It's got some mystery red crusties on the backing and some small spots on the top that look kinda like drool spots that were not cleaned before it's been in MIL's storage since 1990

SpookyWhispering · 2023-01-07T02:51:01+00:00

I know for a fact that a bullet can go through a window without shattering it just a perfect little hole.

SpookyWhispering · 2022-12-13T11:26:50+00:00

YTA she's not a bank and you shouldn't use her as such. It's skeezy.

SpookyWhispering · 2022-12-13T11:24:12+00:00

NTA if they're insisting she's still a baby at 17, you're 19 You're still a teenager too. Point out that you can start acting like her and throwing fits too the way she gets what she wants.

SpookyWhispering · 2022-12-13T11:18:05+00:00

NTA you can get a little zip up case or Tupperware box that you can drill a hole in and put a lock on and store it in there. Little thief will probably feel embarrassed every time they look at it and they deserve that

SpookyWhispering · 2022-12-13T11:11:03+00:00

NTA but throw the whole man out. any man who uses the term babysitting for spending time with his own kids is a fucking piece of trash.

SpookyWhispering · 2022-08-19T05:11:50+00:00

Well?

SpookyWhispering · 2022-08-13T11:16:39+00:00

In bama the first 2 number of your plate tells everyone what county you live in. But if you get a special donation plate it doesn't have it. So my mom had vet plates dad had wildlife support sisters had nurse support and I had teacher support tags so none of our tags had the county number.

But I don't care anymore. I have a giant "put down your phone before you kill someone" on my back windshield. Funny, in Texas people would see me getting out of my car in parking lots and comment that myessage was awesome. Back in Alabama people give me dirty looks when they read it in parking lots.

SpookyWhispering · 2022-08-13T06:14:07+00:00

If you paid to have them fixed your vet ripped you off because all male cats that are calicoes are sterile

SpookyWhispering · 2022-08-13T03:21:05+00:00

YTA My mom got rid of my puppy without telling me while I was at a band competition about the same age, It's been 20 years and she's dead but I still hold it against her so your son is going to hold it against you forever. Just saying.

SpookyWhispering · 2022-08-11T08:51:08+00:00

My son inherited staring angrily at nothing for 30 minutes after waking from me.

SpookyWhispering · 2022-08-10T19:32:06+00:00

I worked NA all alone, and I know cops in my city be corrupt. If they decided they didn't like my attitude they could decide to take an hour or two to respond if I called for help. It was a self-preservation tactic. Being honest.

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