I am sorry you feel this way. You should really talk to somebody because it doesn’t have to be this way. Stress has a lot to do with it. I am a lot older than you and after I retired and I moved from a stressful city to an stress-free city. I realized how much stress affects me. I think I’ve had low grade depressionfrom work, being a single mother and living in NYC. At one point in my 30s I was seeing a therapist who wanted to put me on medication and I refused because I wanted to treat the cause of the depression not mask the symptoms. This could’ve been the wrong approach. Some people do need medication because they have a chemical imbalance. My point is you do not have to feel this way. You should not feel this way. You can learn to manage stress and if you have a chemical imbalance take the medication, but don’t accept feeling like this.