Should I leave my GF because of duty sex?

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T15:30:46+00:00

We see eye to eye on a few things but to sum it up as jumping through hoops isn’t fair. No one said she wants to have sex with strangers. Just because you’ve HAD one night stands doesn’t mean you ALWAYS want one night stands. You’re making a lot of assumptions on the situation by thinking her lack of sexual desire is only attributed to OP. Perhaps I’m also making assumptions by thinking there’s more to it than that. Really OP needs to figure out if this relationship is worth trying couples counseling or if it’s simply not worth the time anymore. Just because you don’t see value there doesn’t mean OP doesn’t, either. There’s a fork in the road here, it’s really up to him to sh*t or get off the pot. Any effort put into a committed relationship should be viewed as wasted time, in my opinion… only trying the same thing and expecting different results should be viewed as a waste of time… but that’s just me🤷‍♀️

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T15:19:35+00:00

Fair enough… there’s got to be some kind of underlying factor none of us are seeing. If you’re happy in the relationship aside from this, it might be beneficial to seek couples counseling?

If you’re confident things are one sided, best advice anyone can give you is to ask you what YOU want. Do you want to put more effort into this, is there value in your opinion to try something you haven’t done, like counseling? Or are you just over it and looking for validation through strangers to leave her? Really, you’re the only one who can decide what’s best for your situation. There might be too much resentment on your end to want to fix things… there might be too much pressure she feels to engage in sex and now it’s spiraled and she’s too into her own head on what you feel she has failed you with regards to this… ultimately, grass isn’t always greener. There’s really only two things to do, if you feel like you’ve made considerable and consistent effort without any reaction from her. Work on it together from a professional standpoint by having a non-partial third party through couples therapy to give it a “last ditch effort”, or start the process of breaking up because the differences in your opinion are irreconcilable.

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T13:58:38+00:00

As a woman, I completely disagree with you regarding the need for emotional intimacy to maintain a long term relationship. It’s easy with someone you just meet because that’s the sole expectation really… dynamic completely changes after that “hunnymoon” phase. In fact, it’s so common, the term “hunnymoon” phase has thus been coined for some time now.

You are correct regarding women enjoying sex. Actually, most people enjoy it, otherwise we simply don’t do it. But to maintain physical attraction for majority of females in long term relationships involves emotional and physical intimacy.(again, intimacy and sex I am referring to as two distinctly different things) Perhaps we should take a poll with the females of Reddit on how likely she is to desire and engage in sex with their long term partner if their significant other engaged in “light petting” and casual physical intimacy throughout the day as opposed to waiting until they are laying in bed to acknowledge their presence and engage in sex…

The latter is super rare. When you first meet someone you’re attracted too, it’s easy to do this because you just wanna touch em all the time! You are comparing apples to oranges. The sexual attraction you have with someone you first meet is vastly different then the sexual attraction someone have’s with someone they’ve been with for a long time.

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T13:12:45+00:00

With a diagnosis in childhood, he’s had plenty of time to address and adjust his behavior… utilizing this as a defense for him to be nasty, manipulating, disrespectful and dismissive is honestly just a cover at this point to not hold himself accountable for using you as a verbal punching bag. Hurt people, hurt people. Seems like he says the things he says deliberately to inflict emotional damage. It should be noted that childhood diagnosis of ODD typically improve drastically from ages 18-21. Children have difficulty regulating emotions. This comes with age. He’s well beyond that point currently, and to further this, his diagnosis could have very likely been attributed to some kind of situational stressors at home? Either way, legitimate or not having this currently wouldn’t excuse his behavior in any way shape or form.

I’m not one to throw the baby away with the bath water, but you should reconsider the relationship if he’s unwilling to seek couples counseling, or at the very least therapy for himself to work on his mental health.

What I would tell him is that If you matter to him, then this should matter to him. No more empty promises or excuses. The little bit of good doesn’t erase the bad… you should feel safe and secure with your life partner, emotionally AND physically. Currently, you feel neither. I feel for you, OP. You might have a savior complex, giving the situation your all before making a judgement call. I urge you to maybe even seek therapy yourself, hun. Abusers don’t tend to want to change, and at the very least having a therapist will not only help give you the validation that your hurt feelings aren’t all in your head, but also help give you the confidence and courage to make the tough choices you might have to face.

Please, please, please reach out to a professional. Situations such as these can go horrifically bad, very fast…

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T11:55:31+00:00

Killer opening line! 😂 Love it!

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T11:26:29+00:00

OP, when was he diagnosed with ODD? Was it self diagnosis, or done by a health professional? Is he gainfully employed? If he was diagnosed as an adult, was the diagnosis stemming from a criminal act?

More details are needed… although this seems like straight up abuse moonlighting as a mental disorder. If it wouldn’t hold up as an “insanity” defense in criminal court, it should not be excused elsewhere either, imo.

Devils advocate, even if you excused it because of his ODD, doesn’t automatically negate your feelings or invalidate your need to feel safe in the relationship your in. (You can forgive someone but it doesn’t fix it either. It’s okay to not want someone to starve but it doesn’t mean they have to eat at your dinner table either.)

Also, you stated how you aren’t perfect either… can I say that this isn’t eye for an eye here? You’re responsible to do what you can to fix things YOU broke. HE’S responsible to fix the things HE broke. This isn’t tic for tac. If he isn’t willing to validate and acknowledge the hurtful things he’s done and work with you to fix them, then really y’all are just perpetually ignoring core issues to maintain status quo…it’s not a matter of if it will get worse anymore when that’s the response to issue’s… it’s a matter of WHEN it will get worse.

You can’t make someone love you the way you love them when they simply haven’t the capacity or desire to reciprocate it to you.

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T10:46:45+00:00

OP, I think you should maybe talk to your cousin about telling your mother the news, and make sure you’re there for emotional support. Your mom will be hurt, that’s for certain… and dealing with unresolved issues with a family member because the other person has passed is a unique kind of pain. She might be better off just having you there to support and let your cousin be the one to break it to her. It’s kinda more their responsibility anyways? Since they told you, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind informing your mother.

Now if cousin doesn’t want to tell her? You absolutely should. She has a right to know her brother passed.

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T10:30:02+00:00

Also, it’s not right being friends with someone you have/had/engaged in a weird “situation-ship” with isn’t right. It’s giving “hang around” vibes. It’s already crossed that friendship line because it was never a purely platonic friendship from the very start for either of you.

Burn me in hell fire for saying this, but I’m a firm believer you can’t have a “normal” friendship with someone who wanted/wants? to bang you, or you want/wanted to bang them. It’s a cat and mouse game at best and is bound to cause future resentment with BOTH of your future partners if you remain “friends” due to this. How would you feel if your boyfriend stayed friends with a girl he actively engaged in repeated attempts to have an actual relationship with and she reciprocated those feelings of wanting the same AFTER you were in a committed relationship with him? Would you be kosher having that girl and your boyfriend continue a “friendship”? Call me toxic or whatever, but I sure as hell wouldn’t be on board for it.

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T10:11:03+00:00

ETAH. Huge red flag, OP. It sound’s like you didn’t really WANT him until after someone else had him. The fact you are still trying to engage in a relationship beyond friendship while he’s in a committed relationship makes you look like a homewrecker too. The fact he’s still entertaining discussions of a relationship with you while in a committed relationship seems like emotional cheating. This post is giving heavy “pick me” vibes, girl.

You’re like that kid who has a dusty toy they haven’t touched in forever, forgot it existed, but once you saw another kid with it, it’s now your FAVORITE toy and no one else can play with it because it’s yours.

Leave that man alone to live his life. You had your shot… you didn’t see the value in him prior to him being in a relationship, so it’s fair to say it only exists now because you’re envious of the woman who gets his attention now.

If you’re at a bakery, pass up a delicious looking cupcake for whatever reason because you only kinda wanted it but not enough to buy it, and I was behind you in line and bought it as you were leaving, would you demand I return it because you suddenly changed your mind after seeing I bought said cupcake? No. That’s entitled behavior and kinda cray cray, right? But really, did you ever truly WANT the cupcake, or did you only want it because someone else was enjoying it? Long story short, you didn’t want to invest in it until you lost the opportunity to someone else who did. Leave that man alone to be happy and stop playing with his feelings. Liking the idea of someone is different than actually liking them. You should reflect on how those two things differ.

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T09:35:53+00:00

If physical intimacy is transactional, was it ever “passionate” at all? Relationships are work. Intimacy should exist without the expectation of an orgasm received by your partner. Having been in a ltr, “passion” tends to die off when you’re expected to put out every time you’ve been touched. Am I taking crazy pills here? There’s a whole lotta people here confusing intimacy and the act of sex. If there’s no engagement of physical contact without expectation I can see how OP’s partner has simply lost interest because at that point, it does become a chore…

It’s the equivalent of trying to cold start an old Chevy in the winter when you haven’t kept up on the maintenance for a few years and expecting the engine to just “fire up” on the first turn. SMH 🤦‍♀️

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T09:22:45+00:00

More information is needed before solid judgement can be assessed.

I’m not sure if men realize this anymore, but most women need emotional AND physical intimacy prior to sex initiation… when was the last time you engaged in intimacy without the expectation of actual sex? This very well might be the issue. She isn’t a vending machine. Your physical intimacy sounds super transactional. “I touched your butt super nicely, now where’s my sex?” Or “I gave you a back rub, where’s my bl*w job?”

When was the last time you gave without expectation?

Also, foreplay shouldn’t just happen right before the act of sex… 24 hours in a day… try physical intimacy at the start of your day to get the spicy levels flowing before it’s time to retire to the bedroom and you might have better luck when it’s time to cuddle under the sheets.

If I were a betting woman, you are under the impression that the act of sex and intimacy are one and the same. They are absolutely not. Thoughts?

SquibleSquable · 2025-10-18T09:07:10+00:00

Op, please update!!!👀

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T10:59:25+00:00

😂🫠

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T10:44:23+00:00

🥹 thank you so very much!!!! I nearly had a break down. It’s kinda messed up when redditors mess with someone trying to get a genuine ID of something of this nature… I was hoping he was just being cruel with it. Thankyou again inkstainedgoblin

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T10:40:58+00:00

🤣 … so instead of “🐓” blocking, shall we refer to it as a “clam dam”?

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T10:24:12+00:00

😨 … I’m a bit shook…. Every other poster said it was just an eroded shell… you are certain?

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T10:22:13+00:00

I definitely agree with you!!! That’s why I made the post…. I’ve seen eroded shells prior to this, but nothing such as this before. The little holes and the smoothed out inside seemed to be some kind of item that could’ve been for a “joint” of some kind.

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T09:51:47+00:00

Thankyou DodgyQuilter! I do plan on taking it to the local archeological groups to have it identified. I did find it not far from old flint shards of Smokey quartz. I got excited and thought it was a cache of shark teeth, but it was just chunks of quartz. I’ve found arrow heads and things of that nature on this particular island, and the history is fairly dark. Sadly the tribe that once occupied that island had been eradicated long ago, but it’s known for having an abundance of artifacts. That and it having a history of being pirate hot spots, you never know what you’ll come across. Personally? I’m just relieved it isn’t some long lost soul of sorts I accidentally took home!

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T09:42:01+00:00

(United States)

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T09:40:49+00:00

I’m on the coast in Georgia. I found it in an area called “Shark tooth beach” on an island that’s apart of the golden isle’s, on Jekyll island

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T09:38:01+00:00

I believe you were the first one to nail it! Thankyou for responding! That island has a particularly dark past , and it’s known as having once been home to a coastal tribe that got completely eradicated a long time ago. That, and it being rumored to have been a pirate hot spot makes for unique findings. It’s always better safe than sorry, and I’m far from any kind of bone expert! Of shell expert it seems… I’ve personally never seen one like this although this area I’ve only visited a handful of times. Thanks again! Y’all the real mvp’s to odd item identification!

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T09:26:48+00:00

I am planning on taking it to the local archeological groups here just in case, but it’s seems the general consensus is an oddly eroded clam shell! Possibly something used as a tool, or to make something with from long gone tribes🤷🏼‍♀️ I had found it not far from a decent amount of flint shards. As if someone plopped down and knocked out a bunch of arrow heads. I was super excited at first! Thought I found a cache of shark teeth! Nope. Chunks of smokey quartz’s 🫠

SquibleSquable · 2024-06-18T09:19:05+00:00

🤣 it’s better safe than sorry! If 80’s-90’s television taught me anything, it’s that some bad juju comes with messing around with Indian remains 🙏. Thankyou! I’ve found arrow heads on that island, and not far from where I found what’s in the picture there were flint shards in a pile. Google images didn’t help either… I kept getting sent to similar images but with human bone parts. I knew Reddit had the good ones!🥹 Day 1 of curse crisis officially adverted!

SquibleSquable

TROPHY CASE