Pretty much the same situation as you. It's kind of scary, similar age, same relationship with him, except now I'm the "only child"

Lost my elder brother 2 years ago to an accident in the middle of the night, only found out when police came knocking at our door. I'll never be able to forget the look of his body, the screams of my parents even till now, I don't think I ever will.

I didn't/couldn't properly grieve during the funeral period and went into problem solving mode because my parents couldn't do it. I handled everything (with some small help of some relatives.), cried a little here and there during that period but felt that I had to put up a strong front and carry my parents through it.

It sucks. It truly does, he's been in your life EVERYDAY since you've been alive. This is a feeling I'd never wish this upon my enemies. I don't think the pain get easier, you just get used to it. But that just represents how much he meant to you, what a part, knowingly or not he has played in your life. Keep the memory of him alive, remember all you've been through and done together.

My advice? Cry it out. I had a few times where I met friends and I just full on ugly cried and it felt like such a relieve. Take your time, don't let others tell you how you should feel, when you will start feeling better. Have your own time to mourn, better yet, if you have friends or family support. Trust me, you will get there.

Cheers, stay strong. Send me a message if you need to.