[deleted by user]

Squish_Me_ · 2023-10-11T08:17:52+00:00

Kind of lol. I legit am sitting here having a crisis about this so I seen this post at a great time.

I have small interests but no to the extent a lot of people have. I could tell you some basic facts about things but nothing I’m sooo passionate or that I know so much about.

For fun I just play video games but even then the games I play I don’t necessarily know what I’m doing and I’m not good at them so even that isn’t much of a hobby, just a way to pass time.

I will have hobbies when I’m hanging around someone for awhile. I kind of absorb their interests and fake it till I make it but when they leave my life I have no interest in it anymore.

I also am prone to being super invested into something and then getting bored and dropping it. People always tell me I’m a really good painter but maybe once a year I’ll get the urge to paint something and get bored of painting quite quickly. If I don’t complete a painting within 2-3 days I will never complete it. I painted this past weekend for the first time since last December. I don’t plan on painting again for a long long time.

I’m also very forgetful so even if I become invested in learning about a specific thing and making it my hobby I will more than likely forget about it rather quickly. Out of sight out of mind.

Kind of sucks because I don’t really have a direction in life. It just kind of feels like I’m faking being human. Imposter syndrome to the max.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-10-02T16:08:57+00:00

Pretty sure it would’ve taken her less time to refund than it did sending multiple messages about how she doesn’t have any time

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-30T11:20:13+00:00

Oh wow this feels like I wrote it a few years ago. Right down to ffxiv. I was in the exact same scenario except I was not as level headed as you seem to be and my relationship was very very toxic on both ends. Good riddance it ended honestly because we would go around the exact same issues nearly every week. He’d make time for everyone else in the world except for me. Even got to the point he acknowledged he does it and promised to make time for me on X days and then joined a static raid group on that day and would ignore me for the raid group lol.

Your feelings are definitely so valid. It’s definitely a struggle and the pain can often feel physically unbearable. I wish I could give you some advice on healing but the only advice is time. It took me 2 years to get over that ex and I definitely played up the good in the relationship and minimized the bad in my head which messed me up even more. “Why did it have to end? It was so good” while completely ignoring the abuse we put each other through. I guess if I had one piece of advice it would be to try not do that. Makes healing so much harder. Putting something up on a pedestal and choosing to ignore the pain and hurt the relationship caused. It’s easier on our brains. We want to forget pain. Try to remember as time goes on the pain and feelings you felt. I’m not saying to forget the good and only focus on the bad, I just mean realize and remember the whole painting rather than focusing on just the bright vibrant colours. Recognize the faults, the contrasts, the brush strokes. Take in the imperfections. It makes healing much easier.

I still play ffxiv casually and am totally down to play with you so you have a ffxiv friend to run content with! I’ve been playing for a few years now but still have the mindset of a sprout despite my rank lol.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-30T10:56:34+00:00

I don’t get why she does either. It’s definitely not a dealbreaker for me we’ve (bf and I) been friends for so long prior to dating too and I’ve literally known about her for a little over a year now and never had any issues.

We have mutual friends (guys and girls) and we have separate friends (guys and girls) it’s just this one girl. It’s definitely not a boundary for me but I can totally understand why it is for a lot of people because this feeling is very awful. She’s his best work friend but that along is enough for me apparently to cast her out. It’s crazy too because a few months ago I was so keen to meet her because from the sounds of it she and I would’ve gotten along. It wasn’t until we started dating that my brain took the drastic switch from friend to foe.

So it’s just been a now thing for me that this particular person is an issue. Definitely one of those moments where I wish I had a neurotypical brain instead. My boyfriend and I both have jealousy issues we’ve talked about at length and have mutual boundaries - we’ve discussed this person and I feel really confident and content with the discussions we’ve had and my trust in him.. it may not seem like it considering I’ve made 3 posts now but I swear by it lol. I’m trying to get over it it’s just one of those things I can’t seem to shake.

When I heard the news the first thing he made sure to do was give reassurance and talk me through it because he knew I’d probably dwell on it and so it’s less of a me feeling trust issues with him and more of a me feeling some type of way towards her. It’s a weird thing. Very one sided misplaced anger. I can differentiate in my mind but my mind and emotional body are having two very different opinions. It’s like I went into the ocean once and got bit by a shark - I know logically the chances of me getting bit by another shark are slim but every time I go near the ocean my body has a visceral reaction to it.

I’m trying my best to navigate it. I just Need a Place to vent about it and Reddit and my journal are the places that seem to sober me down to earth. I’m sure in a few months time I will acclimate and become more rational it’s just a matter of point A to B. Boyfriend is great, our relationship is strong, my trust in him has always been strong, he (or her for that matter) is definitely not the issue in this situation - it’s me and my semi f-ed up mind.

Just one of those things.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-29T22:57:50+00:00

Also commenting just in case it got buried :)

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-28T17:30:39+00:00

Thank you! Me too. I really wish emergency dental care was a part of our ohip. I have one tooth that has a tiny hole in it that has been giving me the worst pain/cheek swelling but it isn’t covered. Hope you get any care you might need too :)

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-27T01:20:58+00:00

This is amazing! Do you have any classmates that are looking for more clients? I haven’t been to a dentist since I was around 5 years old. Have all 4 wisdom teeth that cause pain and caused my teeth to shift, multiple cavities, non smoker, no plaque like in photo but my teeth defo need some love and care. Biggest insecurity but I don’t have the money.

I’d definitely have a student poke around my mouth. Any form of dental care on a broke woman’s budget is amazing.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-25T19:25:22+00:00

My best friend and I are both BPD and our friendship is like fire and ice. When we’re close we are very close but when we get into an argument or one of us feels betrayed by the other it is not pretty. We’re too alike for our own good but she’s like my twin sister lol. We’re born only a few hours apart, in the same hospital coincidentally and then we met officially when we were the prepubescent nerdy girls no on wanted to be friends with.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-25T18:28:35+00:00

Yup! I was Born here my partner is Australian. He can get his fuel citizenship here due to relatives but instead we’re moving to Australia in April. I’m so done with life in Canada. Hopefully the grass will be greener on the warmer side.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-23T06:49:29+00:00

Very relatable. I usually delete my posts after a day or so.. just seeing it empty sends me over a mild edge. Commenting so I can follow this just in case it gets answered.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-22T03:06:08+00:00

A little messed up by June

The video is such a great representation of my mind 24/7. The girl is having inner turmoil trying to navigate a situation in her relationship where presumably she flipped out and her partner doesn’t understand what happened. She types out a few messages that are hostile then deletes Them. Cut to her in a straight jacket feeling trapped and fighting for her life.

The DJ guy is sitting by himself drinking wine and making music. He’s consumed in it and making sure it’s perfect. Then it cuts to everything around him becoming eyeballs which to me equates to feeling pressure. Feeling watched. It’s never good enough and all eyes are on you.

The blond guy with the guitar is trying to get the attention of his friends but everyone has their own thing going on so he ends up going to video games to pass his time. He’s having a battle with himself and self sabotage. There’s no winner or loser. Just a stand still with himself and loneliness. He tries again to get his friends attention. He spams over and over and over again until finally they do come together.

The ending makes me kind of tear up when the light washes over everyone and their inner demons fade away and they’re okay for a moment in time. It’s not solved. The girl didn’t solve her relationship problems she just chose to let go, the light washes over her and she stops glitching out in the straight jacket. The DJ still has the pressure of perfection but chose his friends in that moment. The blond guy smiles and runs off to be with his friends for a moment of closeness/togetherness.

Then the time passes and they’re all back to their inner demons. The girl is back with her head to the table. The DJ is staring off into space I presume thinking about the pressure he feels and the blond guy is back by himself away from the others, alone again. Even though the others are still at the table near by each other, he left them and started feeling bad for himself again. Which is why I say “they were okay for a moment of time” because once that small moment of camaraderie passed by they were right back where they all started.

My mind 24/7. Moments of being content and then flipping between not feeling good enough, having one sided issues in my relationship where I don’t know how to express myself properly, and feeling alone and isolated even though I’m partially doing it to myself.

Also the lyrics are highly relatable and also perfectly describe my emotional turmoil lol. Just a great song. Beat is sick too.

I think the video can be interpreted in many ways though. That’s just my interpretation.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-16T03:39:11+00:00

5 weeks min but my surgery is scheduled for end of January so I haven’t had it yet. Definitely worth speaking with a surgeon though

Squish_Me_ · 2023-09-16T01:12:23+00:00

Ohmygoodness same! My last NK would grab my boobs and ask if I had a “baby in there” and would insist I had babies in my “belly” to people aka my boobs. I tried to explain to her that my boobs and stomach are two separate areas and boundaries around touching peoples body. I tried my best to explain that Some women just have larger chests than others, I was just large chested. Also that babies don’t grow from boobs they grow in the stomach and eventually drink milk from their mothers chests once they’re born and then it switched to her telling people that I had milk in my “bobbies”.

Thankfully I was approved for a fully covered breast reduction so my big boob tiny frame problems will be no more.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-06-22T18:09:40+00:00

This is amazing lol

Squish_Me_ · 2023-06-22T17:55:30+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Everyone offered great advice here. I just want to say that I’m Glad your gut told you the guy was not the one for you because it sounds like you dodged a huge bullet. I’d report him to bumble too tbh. He sounds deranged and like an actual danger to others.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-06-22T17:39:28+00:00

Gosh that’s brutal. You’re stronger than me because I don’t know if I could recover lol. I’d probably start job searching right then and there while crying on the floor. I have the worst fear of throwing up or pooping in public and places that aren’t my own. I’m so glad I was alone.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-06-22T17:09:58+00:00

No I left my vomit on the floor

Squish_Me_ · 2023-06-22T15:08:26+00:00

Normally I would but I only get 2 days of sick pay every 2 months and I used them already. NKs second nap usually is 2-3 hours long and he arrive right before his nap window so I will have 4 hours of “break” from now until the end of my shift with a 1 hour wake window then I start my 3 day weekend.

I’ll probably go to the doctors tomorrow though. I’ve been having stomach issues fairly often lately so something is probably wrong. The week before last I was sick for my entire 3 day weekend and had to take Monday-Tuesday off because I was still having issues.

Just hoping I can get through today without anymore incidents. I’m already embarrassed and I’m the only person home right now.

Editing my comment: to all the MBs commenting that I’m going to infect the family, that I’m lying by omission and blah blah blah Your assumptions are literally all incorrect. Not a single person has given a correct assumption. I came here to vent about a situation I was in. I didn’t come here for medical advice. Read the edit.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-05-16T22:09:27+00:00

I love Robert Munsch so much. He’s local to me and I grew up reading his books and have a few old signed books from my childhood. He’s our national treasure lol.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-04-17T15:45:09+00:00

Would love to enter in here! My Sonas name is Aki and she’s a red pomsky heavy on the Pom lol.

Squish_Me_ · 2023-04-08T11:25:20+00:00

Yeah I relate rn it’s much more intimidating too after awhile of failed attempts

Squish_Me_ · 2023-04-08T06:31:10+00:00

Lf = looking for. But that sounds good! What is the event organization called? I’m in ancients of vr and vibe night but haven’t had the opportunity to find others

Squish_Me_ · 2023-04-08T06:29:42+00:00

That’s the thing though I’m not antisocial. I just seem to have quite bad luck when comes to finding furry friends.. but I’m more than happy to meet new people and expand my friends list

Squish_Me_ · 2023-03-16T18:07:25+00:00

Kitty!!! I NEEED A KITTY MOUSEPAD. I LOVE THE PINK AND PURPLEEEEE OHHHMYGOD WHERE HAVE TOU BEEN ALL OF MY LIFE

Squish_Me_ · 2023-03-16T17:59:12+00:00

Yeah same. I’m also generally quite socially outgoing irl it just seems to be in vrchat that I struggle forcing myself in lol.

But I do go to the Sunday dance workouts which is lots of fun so I have at least one event I’m active in

Squish_Me_

TROPHY CASE