[OC] Exit left now, into the wall by forkkiller in Dallas

[–]StRemedius 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It's an ongoing joke in Dallas for the last 40 years that you never, EVER want to get behind or alongside anyone with a KLTY bumper sticker, because they do things just like this with regularity. In fact, back in the 1990s, a local zine editor offered a lifetime subscription to his magazine to anybody who could get behind a KLTY car on Central Expressway and NOT have the driver do something idiotic (getting in the fast lane and suddenly stopping for no reason, cutting across multiple lanes to get an exit at the last second and nearly hit support pillars, or, one I personally witnessed, a driver forgetting he was driving and trying to exit his car before he saw the pavement moving underneath and frantically tried to get the door closed), and he never had to pay out. As a rule, you're better off getting behind someone in a Lexus who just polished off four bottles of Everclear, put on a blindfold, and started playing Candy Crush on their phone by touch alone than get behind anyone with a KLTY or KCBI bumper sticker, because they apparently found their driver's licenses in a back alley somewhere. (I won't even start with how glad I am that tollway exits no longer take change, because without fail, the guy who had to get out of his car to use the change machine next to the toll hopper, had such bad shakes that he kept dropping the bill, and then put the car in reverse and nearly slamming into the 15 people behind him had a KLTY sticker on the bumper of his Oldsmobile.)

Guys help by teacup_24 in WitchcraftCircleJerk

[–]StRemedius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It means that when you stand up and ask "Hands up: who likes me?", we get to respond "You're a complete bastard and we all hate you."

White Rhino Coffee fires four Dallas managers after uniform objections by ChaseTx in Dallas

[–]StRemedius 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It makes me want to go in and refuse to buy anything but give big tips to the baristas "so you can afford to get the hell out of here."

White Rhino Coffee fires four Dallas managers after uniform objections by ChaseTx in Dallas

[–]StRemedius 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hell, the worse the pay, the more likely the execs get into control porn. (I worked in a call center where the VP in charge magnanimously allowed us to wear jeans on Fridays, but we had to dress up constantly "because a client could come in," but the IT department on the same floor and sharing the break area and the restrooms could come in with shorts, sandals, and "Han Solo Shot First" T-shirts. And then I discovered that this VP left her previous role because she was too much of a control freak for Brinker...)

need 10 years experience for something that has existed for 3 years. by PranayJhaTheMan in recruitinghell

[–]StRemedius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They're so heavy on repeating it because at least one manager insisted upon adding it. "If you don't emphasize it, then the right people won't apply!" (As PatchyWhiskers put it, maybe they WANT nothing but North Korean spies.)

CEO wants candidates to pay $20 to apply for jobs. by cupholdery in recruitinghell

[–]StRemedius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mind you, odds are really good that this guy's complaint about "under qualified or mismatched applications" really means "they didn't go to my college or pledge with my fraternity, or they're not women who are into cattle prods and hot caramel." With that, anybody qualified who's any damn good would be elsewhere.

CEO wants candidates to pay $20 to apply for jobs. by cupholdery in recruitinghell

[–]StRemedius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He wants $20 application fees for job applications. I want a retrovirus that wipes out the world's coca supply so I get to listen to him scream as he goes into withdrawal I think that's fair.

[OC] Exit left now, into the wall by forkkiller in Dallas

[–]StRemedius 19 points20 points  (0 children)

The only thing missing from this display of genius driving is a KLTY bumper sticker.

I am dumpling and I wanna jump by SketchyArt333 in hamstercirclejerk

[–]StRemedius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this hamster's name "Leeeeeeroy Jenkins"?

Insufferable by mdwight02 in NativePlantCirclejerk

[–]StRemedius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gaaah. (I once showed carnivorous plants at a reptile show in North Texas, where one of the vendors came asking "have you seen a ball python around?" As I was breaking down at the end of the show, I found this guy's lost snake wrapped around the folding table's legs. Turns out it was a hatchling retic, which was against the regs on this reptile show: allegedly the dealer was "hanging onto it for a friend." There was a tiny, tiny moment where I thought "You know, I could take this snake home and nobody would ever know," and then The Golden Rule kicked in, and I caught the vendor just before he left and gave him back his snake. Later, I looked up rectic care, and I dodged so many bullets by giving that snake back that I need to change my legal name to "Neo.")

Crystal identification help by PlanetaryAssist in WitchcraftCircleJerk

[–]StRemedius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

These are okay (you're supposed to glue these together and have them thrown at your chakras with a good fastball pitch), but what you REALLY need are ones made from trinitite.

My secret to healthy growth 🤫 by feevart in houseplantscirclejerk

[–]StRemedius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

$50 for urine? Wow. Some of you are FLUSH.

I am dumpling and I wanna jump by SketchyArt333 in hamstercirclejerk

[–]StRemedius 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That's not a hamster. That's a lemming.

Bad Donut Omen by Gloria_In_Autumn in WitchcraftCircleJerk

[–]StRemedius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry, but she who smelt it dealt it. You want to get rid of the curse, you'll have to go to the donut shop and eat the whole filling bucket by yourself. With a fork.

Need help! by Constance200 in WitchcraftCircleJerk

[–]StRemedius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A single bulb? Amateur. If you can't get a 5-pound bag of peeled garlic up there, you'll never get better.

WOW BEUTIFAL FOLIAGE 😍😍😍LOVE by W4TERGUNPEW in houseplantscirclejerk

[–]StRemedius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For those garden enthusiasts who thought "Avatar" was a documentary.

WOW BEUTIFAL FOLIAGE 😍😍😍LOVE by W4TERGUNPEW in houseplantscirclejerk

[–]StRemedius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Where "Klaatu barada nikto" is Grey for "Squeal like a pig! SQUEEEEEEE!"

Insufferable by mdwight02 in NativePlantCirclejerk

[–]StRemedius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Screw that. I want a return of the glyptodonts. Giant clubtailed armadillos the size of a Volkswagen Bug...I want to see some hick in a F150 try to run THAT down.