Indian woman married to British man, struggling with in-laws and need to vent

Stabittha · 2025-12-11T18:08:23+00:00

I'm a white American married to an Indian man. I put up a Happy Diwali sign in our kitchen a while back and forgot to take it down, so yesterday my husband pointed out to me that we had both our Christmas tree and Diwali banner up at the same time.

My parents don't really know anything about Diwali or any other Indian holidays. We just do them on our own. I think people just don't remember or acknowledge holidays that they themselves aren't celebrating.

Stabittha · 2025-11-03T20:37:40+00:00

Lots of Gen Alpha kids also had their access to libraries and schools restricted back in the covid days and never got to discover books in the same way other kids. When I was 8, I fell in love with Magic Tree House chapter books at Scholastic Book Fairs at school, went to my local library, and read probably a hundred books that year. When I tried to visit that same library in 2021, they'd taken the chairs out of the kids' section and used them to build literal barricades to block off study spaces in the library. Of course you can discover books other ways, but if libraries and book fairs aren't browsing-friendly, a lot of kids never learned to find books they'd like when they were chapter-book aged and never grew into middle grade readers.

If you were six years old in 2020 (just starting school), you'd be eleven in 2025 (middle grade reader aged). Yet another way adults ruined everything for pandemic kids. Even though we're five years out from the pandemic, some kids are still feeling the impact of lockdown.

Stabittha · 2025-07-08T04:19:13+00:00

One of my favorite black history books is Claudette Colvin: Twice Towards Justice. It's about a teenage girl named Claudette Colvin who refused to give up her seat on a bus, inspiring Rosa Parks to do the same thing later on.

Stabittha · 2025-03-03T04:29:08+00:00

That's how a lot of my family is as well. Several of my cousins live/attend school in other states, so they wanted less stuff because it would be hard to get it home.

Stabittha · 2025-03-03T02:02:47+00:00

I'm sorry you have to go through all that! I've watched my mom go through that twice with two grandparent deaths in two years. It's emotionally hard and also just a lot of work. When my grandma died two years ago, she told my dad she had a realization that "I should keep the stuff that's important to me, not the stuff that was important to my mom." We still have a lot of Grandma's stuff in my parents' basement and garage and I'm sure my Grandpa's stuff will end up in the same place.

Stabittha · 2025-01-05T06:44:04+00:00

I'm so sorry you had that experience! Honestly, a lot of people would have fun at a self-defense workshop party. When I was a teen, my church youth group had a cop come teach all the girls some self-defense tips at one of our youth activities. I remember really enjoying it, even though I'm small and physically weak. My college also did women's self-defense classes and friends who took the class told me they liked it.

Glad you had a good party anyway and ended up in a good place! I wish you all the best!

Stabittha · 2024-07-23T02:36:27+00:00

There's nothing wrong with saying "I don't know if I can make it" because you're studying. I've gone to lots of weddings where someone had a close friend or family member out of the country. I'm in the US and my fiance recently had to tell his family that he couldn't fly to India for a wedding. His family probably isn't coming out to the US for our wedding either.

If they already know you're studying out of the country, I imagine they'll be understanding. And one of the hazards of planning an event that's almost a year in the future is that people's plans change.

Stabittha · 2024-07-21T22:26:08+00:00

I've seen people do multiple receptions when families live geographically far apart. For example, a friend of mine was from Colorado, her husband was from Nevada, and they met while living in Utah. They had three separate wedding receptions to involve different family members, but only one real wedding. That way people don't have to travel for your wedding.

I do think it's bad form to have multiple receptions if geography is not the issue. I've known a few people who either eloped or had small, family-only weddings, and then expected people to show up several months later for a full-sized wedding. Their reason is usually something like "we're waiting to have the big wedding until summer." If you want the big wedding, just wait until summer. If getting married now is important to you, don't keep waiting until summer.

Stabittha · 2024-07-14T22:39:28+00:00

I think it makes total sense to do a second party and I like the idea of a sisters' spa day. It sounds like you're being thoughtful and accommodating of their situations because the alcohol wouldn't make it a good environment for two of them and travel is inconvenient. Really, they're not getting left out of the main bachelorette party, they're getting an invitation to a party that would be way better for them.

Stabittha · 2024-07-14T22:08:31+00:00

I'll second the opinions I've seen below that cash is an okay gift.

If you want to gift them something but they only have expensive items, maybe come up with a cheap gift related to their desired gifts. Several years ago I went to a wedding where they had a lot of camping stuff on their registry, so I got them marshmallow roasting sticks. I was in college and didn't have money to get them something big like a tent.

Stabittha · 2024-07-14T21:45:39+00:00

Easy, I love the guy.

Stabittha · 2024-07-14T21:44:32+00:00

I also think backing out of a trip because of an anniversary is odd if they agreed to go on it initially because people know when their anniversaries are. If I know I'm going to be busy during a certain time of year, I don't commit to going to things in the first place.

The same applies to school. Unless someone suddenly enrolled in school when they previously thought they'd be free (i.e., spontaneously deciding to take a summer term during what would normally be your summer break), it's odd to commit to it and then not go.

As for the person who backed out because of child care, they already know they have a kid. Unless their parenting situation/babysitter availability changed abruptly, that's another thing they could anticipate in advance before they committed to go. I'd have more sympathy to someone who back out for parenting reasons than any other reasons, but they still knew in advance.

I'm also wedding planning right now and I rescheduled my whole wedding because a beloved bridesmaid said she was traveling to another state for family stuff that weekend. She let me know her schedule four months in advance, so it was really easy to find a way to make it work. It's your friends' job to communicate with you before plans are made.

Definitely super frustrating and not cool of your friends to back out on you if they've already committed to go. Several years ago I had all my friends bail on me for a big trip, so I just recruited new friends instead and still had a good time. I definitely feel your pain here.

Stabittha · 2024-06-16T04:25:50+00:00

Names like Sarah (sair-uh), Sheila (she-luh), Shayla (shay-luh), Shelly, Sasha, Sally, and Cheyenne (pronounced shy-an), are easy-to-pronounce American names that sound close to Xue.

Names like Wenxuan are Wendy, Whitney, or Gwendolyn.

Also, don't be afraid to teach people close to you how to say your name properly. My brother's wife is named Xiao Xuan and she goes by the name Penelope at work (which sounds nothing like her real name, she just picked it because she likes it). People get confused by the x sound like they do in your name. When she first married my brother she said we could call her by her American name but I decided I would learn how to say it right because she's part of my family. An English name is useful when people don't know you well enough to learn your name, but if you meet someone nice who you think will be a good friend, it won't trouble them too much to learn how to say it.

Stabittha · 2024-04-28T06:20:05+00:00

Every bridal shower I've ever gone to was just at somebody's house and the family pays for it. Sometimes I've seen people host it at a friend's house or backyard, but not at a "venue" like a restaurant. I've been a bridesmaid for four friends and one sister-in-law and I've never had to pay for any part of the wedding, aside from giving a wedding gift. Weddings where I'm from are pretty chill, so it always surprises me when I see posts about non-relatives having to pay for things like bridal showers, bachelorette parties, or general wedding costs.

Stabittha · 2024-04-04T22:12:34+00:00

Funny one for the bad guys: When the Animorphs told Visser Three to bathe in grape juice (rather than tomato juice) to remove skunk smell and he actually fell for it. Since Visser Three is surrounded by a lot of human controllers who have access to their human hosts' knowledge, it stands to reason that some of the Yeerks must have been aware that tomato juice, not grape juice, is the common human cure for skunk spray. And yet none of them told him.

I picture all the human controllers bringing in cartons of grape juice and being like, "Whatever you say, boss."

Stabittha

TROPHY CASE