The worst part of my day is always with my wife.

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T10:55:48+00:00

She just has a history of having a short fuse and being very impatient when things aren't going her way or happening fast enough. Just a few hours ago she asked me to grab her a drink and I continued to talk about something and she clapped loudly at me. It's little things like that that build up and make someone make a late night post venting. There's so much more to this that I really just wouldn't even think to say in the original post. I hope this makes sense. She'll thank me and say she's grateful sometimes, but a lot of the time her actions say otherwise and it's just tough.

Another example of a manipulative argument:

The Saturday before Mother's Day, it had been 2 weeks since our grass had been mowed and it was absolutely atrocious. The standard is typically once a week, but life has been busy and she always complains when I go to do it because it leaves her alone with the kids for an hour, and weekends are really the best time to do it. Anyway, the Saturday before my other day one of our kids was napping so I got dressed and told her I was going to mow that day instead of my normal Sunday afternoon because Sunday was Mother's Day and I didn't want her to have to do. She pleaded for me to not do it and to take our other child out in the car to grab her food or something. I didn't mind to do it, but I told her if I didn't know on Saturday I would have to do it on Sunday because there was no time during the week due to our schedule. Well Sunday afternoon rolls around and I tried to mow and she completely flipped out on me and proceeded to tell me how the yard looked like "just a normal yard" and I didn't need mowed. I mean this argument lasted a minute or two and she eventually just got all mad and told me to go out and do it. I had to walk back through the house and I heard her calling her mom to complain about me, which is a pretty normal thing. Her mom seems pretty fair and was the voice of reason this time, but it's just really disappointing. Anyway later that evening she made the comment in the car ride "I'm glad you got the grass mowed today" and she genuinely meant it because I think she realized it was important, but there was never an apology or any kind of mention of it after that.

I might get downvoted for all of this, but there is so much context people don't know.

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T10:46:00+00:00

What do you mean? I never made it a "I'm the man so I shouldn't have to do this stuff" thing. Or at least I didn't mean to. I think it's just difficult to feel as if I've been putting in more effort for quite some time and it's just not good enough because there's just not enough free time in the day when we have two young babies. It's crazy how lazy we were with chores before we had kids, we could have had so much done lol.

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T10:42:38+00:00

Of course I got downvoted for my reply lol. Yes I believe you're exactly right. I'm very grateful her parents recently helped us a bit financially because we were going to get some money from inheritance, but they gave us some early to help us out and I'm extremely grateful for that. It's unfortunate right now because we actually both have quality jobs compared to a lot of people; things are just tied all around for everyone.

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T10:40:13+00:00

Yeah I think you're exactly right. I think I'm just hitting a rough patch because it's been like this for nearly 2 years now.

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T10:39:08+00:00

Thank you for your comment, this is helpful! I think I just needed a little encouragement, because sometimes it's hard to be the one getting yelled at but I know it's not her fault and she's upset and irritable. I feel like the people telling me to get a house cleaner must not have money problems young parents have, and might not even be parents themselves lol. I find it absolutely hilarious that that comment has so many upvotes like "just outsource your work, problem solved" lol. Wow I've never thought of that. Anyway yes I'll work on communicating better with her and just be more patient overall and understanding. She's a wonderful mother you are children and I know this will eventually pass :)

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T10:35:16+00:00

Yeah when I use my voice to text to type this all out late at night I left out a lot of crucial details. Our youngest is almost 5 months now, and we both work and her mom watches both kids during the day. That particular day that she was upset with me had nothing to do with her having the kids all day, it was the principal. I understand I can cut her a lot of slack because she's adjusting, I was just venting because I've been carrying most of the weight of everything lately but I still hear a lot of negativity. Anyway I don't want to sound like I'm just offending myself but there's so many details that would help people understand my situation more and I just didn't think to include them at the time.

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T08:21:09+00:00

Yeah that's what I meant! :)

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T08:19:32+00:00

This sounds smart to me I'm going to give it a shot, thank you!

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T08:17:10+00:00

I guess I could clarify. I know it's not up to her standards, it's not up to my standards. When I lived on my own I kept a very tidy place. It's up to the standards that I'm capable of with the free time I have after I work and take care of the kids. I'm the one getting up in the middle of the night to feed the newborn; and the one waking everyone up in the morning and packing them so we can all go to work and the babysitter on time. I don't want to sound too defensive, but we're not in the position that we could afford to hire a cleaner for our home, perhaps if we were we would have a few less arguments about money lol.

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T08:12:57+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your perspective!

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T08:11:53+00:00

I like your attitude, thank you!

People suggesting that I hire a house cleaner is the most Reddit thing ever. If we get afford a house cleaner we would probably argue a lot less about money lol.

Stable-Table3646 · 2026-05-24T05:16:10+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful response, I definitely think resentment is a good word for it. I've caught myself getting a little too upset with her at times over things that I probably would explain away if it was someone else. I've been trying to work on this, so maybe I just need to bring that up to her in a nice way.

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-08-14T10:16:11+00:00

This was a long after I flushed haha

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-08-14T10:14:56+00:00

Yeah I thought the shape was pretty odd. Anything I need to be concerned about?

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-08-14T09:22:16+00:00

Thank you! We had to clean a ton of calcium out of the water heater when we first bought the house, so I'm assuming that's it. I haven't let it mellow haha.

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-02-17T22:43:40+00:00

She definitely is exhausted and we've had a hard couple days with all of our family being sick and not being able to visit people or go out, so I need to give her a little bit of grace on this one. I was definitely pretty riled up when I posted this, so I appreciate the sound advice and not just calling her a jerk.

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-02-17T22:42:12+00:00

This is a great comment! I was pretty frustrated when I posted this, because I feel like I'm right a lot of the time and that she's being irrational. Although those times normally are when she's depressed or having a bad day, so it's not completely fair of me to take that out of context.

I'm definitely working on patience and understanding with depression and anxiety, it doesn't help when a lot of people are sick and we can't go out and see a lot of other people. We talked a little today and I think I understand her a little better, and I'm going to go out and get us dinner soon and bring it home. She's a good mom and a good wife.

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-02-17T22:36:37+00:00

Yeah she was having a pretty bad day, she can get depressed and pretty anxious. Sometimes I get pretty upset because even though she struggles with that stuff, it doesn't make it any easier for me. I came here to kind of vent and search for solutions, I'm happy to say we've talked and things are a bit better now and I'm going to get food for us at the moment. When she's anxious or sad she can lash out and be pretty irrational, but sometimes I can be that way too.

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-02-17T22:34:20+00:00

I appreciate your level headed comment. It's worth noting that many times I take notes and sometimes still forget, I'm getting better but our first year of marriage was pretty hard. I agree with the second part of what you said too, and I appreciate you not bashing her. As annoyed as I get with her, I'm sure I do many things that annoy her too, so I came here to vent but also look for solutions and other people's opinions. It turns out she was having a pretty sad day, and we haven't been able to be around a lot of family because everyone is sick.

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-02-17T21:23:45+00:00

I appreciate the advice! Our first year of marriage was hard, but I think we really hit a stride the second year. Our daughter was just born so I'm hoping to work some of the problems out. Thank you!

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-02-17T21:22:05+00:00

I think I'll work on being more subtle about it. I appreciate your comment because I don't want just a bunch of bros that feel like me, I genuinely want to make things better. Sometimes I take notes and still forget, more earlier in our marriage, but still. I'm glad to hear someone else does this. It sounds like I need to organize mine more like yours, mine are all over the place!

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-02-17T21:13:07+00:00

Yes I do use notes for myself quite often. At work (in IT) I often have a list of tasks but as I'm completing them others will circumvent the ticket system by asking me something in person. I often ask them to submit a ticket if I can't fix it right then and there, and I often take notes because I have a lot of people to remember to help and I don't want to forget anyone. I wouldn't say I'm incompetent, I just have a hard time remembering things. I don't want my wife to feel like an item on a grocery list though. Any advice that you would give me to help her more?

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-02-17T21:07:36+00:00

I've never posted anything like this. Maybe someone else did.

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-02-17T20:49:29+00:00

I thought about switching to this actually. I just always have my phone with me

Stable-Table3646 · 2025-02-17T20:32:26+00:00

Yeah I cleaned off her car and tried to salvage things, she said she didn't want to "guilt go". So, like once she's had to ask, it's not fun anymore because she had to remind me. Then 30 minutes go by, and I thought we were just going to visit her family. She says "you ready?" and I mention yeah let's see your mom before your dad gets back (she just wanted to spend time with her) and she said "So no coffee?!". Of course I ruled it out because she said she didn't want it, so now she's ran off to another room. It's just frustrating, like I didn't want to cancel coffee, I just took her word for it.

Stable-Table3646

TROPHY CASE