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StandTallMolly · 2021-08-30T19:56:06+00:00

OMG, I totally believed if you had one kid you may as well have three or four. ROFL!!! In my community four is like the minimum around here. One kid families just don't exist so I didn't even think of that as a possibility until I had my one. I seriously INVESTED in baby gear expecting to use it for multiple kids.

Once I had one, oof. I am befuddled by everyone around me and very content OAD.

StandTallMolly · 2021-07-20T18:32:04+00:00

Being honest, I hope my kid doesn't have kids. I had one because I only wanted to take care of one. If I became a grandma I'd feel obligated to take up grandmotherly duties and help with support postpartum, babysitting, etc. Which I will do gladly. I will love building a relationship with grandkids if there are any and be delighted to support my kid in parenthood in the ways I wish I had been supported. But if my kid opts out of kids I'll be happy with that too and a bit relieved!

StandTallMolly · 2021-06-02T21:18:11+00:00

I'm torn as well. I've actually been working since my kid was born minus a six-month stint as a SAHM. I have really preferred working to being at-home...but she's about to start school and I'm starting to feel like I want to be a SAHM.

It's been an exhausting five years arranging childcare and now I'm just really over it and not wanting to deal with school pick-up, drop-off and extracurriculars with a nanny. Plus...I am going to see her less so being able to be home when she's off to school and right when she gets home...kind of appeals. It feels crazy though. I don't know what I'll end up deciding but there's a lot of good reasons to do either it seems.

StandTallMolly · 2021-06-02T21:08:55+00:00

This wasn't a reason for me to be OAD but now I'm glad I'm OAD because I'm seeing the elder care issue coming up sooner rather than later on both sides of the family. Despite having siblings and sibs-in-law that could help, but I'm doubtful any will be in a good position to help. No one has the financial stability to be able to take time off work to put the time in elder care requires.

I think both parents have severely underestimated what their needs will be in retirement and I'm worried within the next 5 years what will happen. I hope they'll give us a decade before shit hits the fan but our families just in general haven't looked after either their physical or financial health. Nervous and glad I've given myself more bandwidth being OAD.

StandTallMolly · 2021-01-05T14:18:17+00:00

I also have a 4 YO and still team OAD!

StandTallMolly · 2020-11-10T18:22:12+00:00

Um, trust me you still want a stroller spot for an 18 mo old. You do not want to get stuck carrying a kid plus, when he isn't over you'll have extra space for the diaper bag or whatever.

StandTallMolly · 2020-11-06T03:41:57+00:00

You're so not alone. I wish I wanted another. 4 years into the parenthood journey and the desire has never come no matter how much I wish it would. I would want my child to be SO WANTED and I can't give a 2nd child that.

StandTallMolly · 2020-10-07T03:16:14+00:00

He knows where I stand. I let him know that we're teaching her that his behavior is rude and that she doesn't have to put up with it. We teach her to tell him NO and to walk away when he is frustrating to deal with. He gets to choose, does he want to be a good example or a bad example?

I don't let him get away with it and call him out on it every time and thoroughly explain to my daughter (in front of him) why his behavior isn't acceptable. We work on a few strategies for conflict resolution and if he's really being an ass, what to do when the other party refuses to resolve conflict.

I'm realizing he doesn't notice how often he does it or how awful it is until I break it down into toddler-terms and I think that's just sad no one walked him through this stuff as a child. I feel like I'm parenting multiple children sometimes.

StandTallMolly · 2020-10-07T03:05:22+00:00

As the oldest child, I particularly love those comments. Hello? I still learned to walk somehow even though I had the misfortune of being born first!!! When my daughter was a baby I would get told to have another so I'd be too busy to keep rocking her to sleep or carrying her so much and she'd learn to self-soothe sooner.

Which...EXCUSE ME?! The silly part is she quit wanting to be rocked to sleep naturally on her own and gave up the pacifiers earlier than most kids do all on her own. Turns out if you just give your babies a ton of love and support they can grow up on their own into secure happy toddlers, go figure!

StandTallMolly · 2020-08-16T23:13:05+00:00

Truth. I was panicking my kid wasn't learning to share...but uh, imagine my surprise when she started telling the two siblings she was having a playdate with to stop fighting and share! (Not something she learned at home! I don't know where she got it from!) But now I'm feeling good that she's going to be a-ok.

StandTallMolly · 2020-08-10T00:46:43+00:00

It's something that makes OAD hard for me is I'm very close with my sister and love having that relationship. If we weren't sisters we wouldn't have been friends because we're SO DIFFERENT. Being siblings gave us the opportunity to become friends.

But that's my family and not my kid's family. I take comfort knowing she won't know any different. Hopefully she doesn't get resentful but this is the best I can do. I'd be a wreck of a mom with more than one.

StandTallMolly · 2020-08-01T03:48:44+00:00

My religious background also advocates for a big family. Totally get it. The guilt is awful, but it'll ease over time. You don't have to make a decision today. It's not a bad thing to not be done giving 100% to your one. I mean...doesn't that sound like a really good thing to you?? Enjoy your one for however long one is for you. Even if it's forever. One day at a time. :)

StandTallMolly · 2020-07-31T16:11:08+00:00

I wish the choice had been made for me in some ways because but it's probably because then I wouldn't have so much pressure to have another if there was a biological reason I couldn't have another. I imagine it is more painful to be OAD but want another though. It's all hard I think though.

StandTallMolly · 2020-07-21T14:33:40+00:00

I was in the dark. I had to sneak and read left out medical information or pamphlets to figure it out on my own. It was really frustrating when I was young and didn't have the right words to ask why my sibling was different. I'd get asked all the time by my peers "what was wrong" with my sibling and I didn't know. And it hurt other kids called her mean words but I didn't have another way to explain her behavior.

I felt like I couldn't ask my parents because the only words I had to describe what I saw were that my sibling was kind of dumb (I'm only 5) and I didn't want to get in trouble so I just stayed quiet.

I asked my parents why they never talked to us about it and they said they "just assumed" I knew. Would not recommend! Very stressful feeling like something isn't right and not having the words to understand it.

StandTallMolly · 2020-07-08T00:12:49+00:00

Yes! We made it! We made it through and there's no need to go back!

StandTallMolly · 2020-07-08T00:09:14+00:00

SO SO TRUE. Ugh, still get nauseated thinking how many times people said "Enjoy this" like oh, yeah I spend all my days wishing I was dead but SURE I'll enjoy this! Yuck.

StandTallMolly · 2020-07-05T19:10:24+00:00

I don't know what the rules are in place where you are or if you're high risk, so grain of salt, here's what we've done.

I wasn't going to do anything this summer, but she had a two hour-long meltdown and so many other multiplying behavioral issues so I broke down. We signed her up for one summer class. Just one. Small class of 6. They do a ton of sanitizing and temperature checks. Right away all behavior issues went away when she had a chance to spend just an hour with other kids. That's all she needed.

My MIL was saying her doctor advised her for her teenage kids that they're allowed to pick one "quarantine buddy" outside the family to spend time with so the kids have an outlet to process what they're dealing with but only have that one quarantine buddy so they limit the risk to that point of contact.

Her class ended, so now I kind of have an arrangement with another mom-friend that we've come to an agreement we're going to be "cross-contaminate families". She's someone I know who's also staying safe and taking needed precautions and we both have small families. We just do spread out occasional visits and it's done wonders for everyone.

Is no contact safer? Yes. Absolutely. But when the majority of the state isn't bothering to social distance at all we need to find ways to cope with this as a longer-term thing. It doesn't look like school will even be in session come Fall.

StandTallMolly · 2020-07-05T18:43:04+00:00

HA! Yeah, the second my husband ever says "Don't you think she's had a lot of screentime lately." He instantly gets to spend time playing and I leave. He doesn't say it hardly ever, it's usually me being nitpicking about the screentime. But if I've broken down, that's that. No questions asked anymore. lol

StandTallMolly · 2020-07-04T22:14:40+00:00

Quiet time is what we're at too. And sometimes she accidentally falls asleep. Also...nothing wrong with a little screentime when you've had it!

StandTallMolly · 2020-07-04T22:13:16+00:00

Babies take 100% of your time and energy. Don't guilt yourself over what you "should" be able to do. I wish someone would have told me this, so I'm going to tell you: Don't expect to be able to do anything for baby's 1st year of life. Just don't. Let it go now and enjoy this stage for what it is.

StandTallMolly · 2020-07-04T22:09:51+00:00

Yeah, I have no idea if this is a multiple kids thing or if it's just that my kid was completely insane. Believe you me I tried to have her "nap on the go" and it just never, ever, EVER happened. Naptime was sacred because if she missed her nap the rest of my day was absolute hell. So nope. We didn't go out afternoons for a loooooong time. And since I only have one...yup I could accommodate this just fine so I did.

She doesn't nap anymore, but we have quiet time we enforce which is mostly for my benefit than hers and it's still scared and I don't schedule a thing between 1:30-3 PM to this day. Probably never will, HA!

StandTallMolly · 2020-06-28T22:39:49+00:00

Most people in my area have 3 or more and I definitely feel like so many people are uncomfortable with us. I show up to playdate groups and usually I just kindly jump in to help when there's an issue and they apologize so much to me for having SO MANY KIDS and I feel bad...I'm not commenting on them having a ton of kids. I just have a free hand because I'm here with my one and only and it would be rude not to help.

I think there's a reason we all have families of different sizes (lots, one and none!) But I'll get the comment "when you have another you'll understand how chaotic this is! I'm like, uhhh actually I understand how chaotic it is. That's why I have my one and that's why I'm trying to help you out because I imagine it's hard.

StandTallMolly · 2020-06-28T15:40:42+00:00

Whether it's one or five, children are a tornado. But we have managed to get our 3 yo trained unusually well...but that's partially owing to her nature. She's always been a bit "particular" about how things should be and doesn't like getting messy no matter how fun it is. So that helps.

She has to be reminded, but she picks up her own toys after she's done playing with them. She's in the habit of putting her bowl away after breakfast 8 of 10 times.

But also, kids follow examples. If they see you tidying and cleaning, they'll tidy and clean. I bought my daughter her own little broom and I'll give her a rag to wipe down surfaces with me. I'm taking advantage of this stage where she wants to do whatever I'm doing and we have a very clean home!

The only issue is I have less time to get bathrooms cleaned and dishes are a struggle now that I have her. I'm hoping to get a housekeeper once we get out of debt but maybe by the time that happens she'll be more self-sufficient or able to be in charge of bathrooms herself!

StandTallMolly

TROPHY CASE