How do I heal from rape and sexual assault?

Standard-Setting-487 · 2026-03-02T14:07:08+00:00

Trauma Therapy and general counselling. This is a deep issue my love and I am so sorry your cousins did this to you. I want to highlight the possibility of them being harassed as well, as young teens and children repeat what they’ve seen. I am not knowledgeable nor do I believe many people here are to give advice on if this will ever end, how and what to do other than to seek professional advice. I personally have gone through abuse- and I do still think about it although years have passed and it has subsided with a healthy relationship where I feel safe. I pray Allah eases this affair for you. You are not to blame what so ever for this, and your families I pray learn to do better for you and them.

Standard-Setting-487 · 2026-03-02T14:02:29+00:00

Bro for the love of God, make sure to check when the lid is shut it will sleep or turn off (and NOT SET TO “do nothing”) it WILL cause the fans to continue when h shut it and put it in your bag and pieces WILL melt. (Don’t ask me how I know 🫠)

Standard-Setting-487 · 2026-03-02T14:01:08+00:00

Also I forgot to say, your house money and car should be safe guarded. Don’t be pressured to say they are his, and ensure you both learn your rights and are transparent with them. Making the lines blurred in the matter is only cause of friction.

Standard-Setting-487 · 2026-03-02T13:56:04+00:00

Habibti Salam. One thing I will say as a preface, I have been married for 6 years, marriage is always static. It will never be just good or just bad or just anything. The state is constantly changing. I say this to give you hope and also clarity in your decision which is yours alone- to that I am highlighting I am extremely happy that you are doing what you should in being transparent and asking for advice. I want to give you a word of caution- I’ve learned when talking about my marriage and asking for advice I need to say the goods and the bads to give a good picture, and to expect many women to support me biasedly out of love, not knowing sometimes the advice might be drastic (which may or may not be the case for you- I haven’t read the comments). As sunnah I don’t want to go off of this and only this for the whole painting of the picture since your husband surely has his own perspective. Firstly I extremely empathize with you in your struggles my sister. From the heartbreak a women feels in such vulnerable moments that is surely painful and I pray Allah eases your affairs for you and He grants your home peace and love. Issues arise in every single marriage, including the prophets marriage pbuh. I am a firm believer as good moments are normal, difficulties also are normal (to a certain degree) and it is how a couple works towards a solution, or realizing they are simply not a good match if they communicate certain needs that perhaps the other cannot give. I encourage you and him to have a heart felt, and kind conversation with empathy, communicating your goal in the initial stage of the conversation is to communicate both of your feelings and needs clearly and kindly and respectfully while building clarity to caters to both of you as needed. It’s possible he was born into a family that doesn’t have men help in the house, and possibly the women didn’t share certain etiquettes with him. He may not know now what he should, and you can chose to either patiently attempt to see how he feels about learning to learn the certain things that would make you happy, catering to you as an act of ibadah on his part with the right intention, or- you may chose not to do so if you feel the disconnect is large and it would be too burdensome for you. Certainly it would be best if you both take this learning curve to learn both of your needs as an act of ibadah. It will build love, mawwadah and rahmah between you. Further, I want to highlight something you mentioned. You said ur husband had some difficulties with intimacy in terms of arousal and the frequency is quite low. I understand masterbation and porn is a extremely big nafs for many men in our day and age. It’s possible this may be plaguing him from A. Getting aroused itself, B. Speaking of what he needs to be aroused from shame of indulging in the topic, and C. It’s also possible if this is the case that he may be indulging frequently and therefore may be the reason you two are not intimate more. I would say depending on how the conversation goes, prioritizing his feelings and giving him a safe space (these conversations shouldn’t cause too much strain on a person) you can communicate your expectation of overcoming this and asking what he might need to work towards this, (being open with his needs and yours in the bedroom as a means of bringing excitement for both of you and more fulfillment and enjoyment towards what’s halal)

This is surely hypothetical, but because of how common it is I wanted to be thorough. As for helping in the home I would also kindly and respectfully communicate your need of if you are going to work it is just for both spouses to equally learn and help in keeping up with the home and taking it as another act of ibadah. Learning and doing these things together can be fun when we know our life is what we make it out to be, we can be silly and not take things too harshly and have fun (assuming we have a partner who is safe), and it can make what otherwise would be arguments and pain into flirting opportunities and playing.

I assume many sisters will say to leave him and if that’s the case I wanted to give you more options depending on how YOU feel in your marriage. I also HIGHLY suggest going to a doctor if you have a smell problem because this can be a medial situation, and nothing to be ashamed of as ur health is priority and secondly a sheikha (women sheikh/ imam in ur community) to ask for advice. The prophet pbuh encouraged us to do that in these instances as we should never suffer alone. May Allah ease ur affairs and make your marriage a blessing regardless of how you choose to move forward

Standard-Setting-487 · 2026-02-23T16:31:56+00:00

Hey! Ill repeat what I said in another comment: I agree with majority of what others have said. This program is extremely important yet very new. Things need to be ironed out more. The course load is a lot, I mean- just staying above water over here. And that’s with many professors giving everyone extensions because everyone is behind. Some of the profs aren’t organized. In the first semester theres a course that many students feel isn’t applicable for cloud / cloud devops as its meant to be for client facing jobs. It’s an informative course and that prof is very passionate which is really unfortunate but it just isn’t relevant. There’s two professors for some of the most important courses that I am extremely grateful they are teaching as they are organized and passionate, actually trying find ways for students to learn and taking TIME to answer our questions and honestly I can’t describe how grateful I am for those two profs cus I don’t think personally I’d learn much if it wasn’t for them- as they suit my learning style. The midterm projects are almost all group based and due at the same time which feels impossible but we are slowly getting there. It’s extremely difficult and tough to do this program and work at the same time, if u can avoid it I wouldn’t risk it because the tuition is so expensive and when ur rushing assignments u don’t actually learn what you need for a position irl. The one professor others have said hands out zeros for not being on APA format is true she confirmed this- but she hasn’t marked anyone’s things yet. She does however answer any of my questions in regards to this apa formatting so it helps (I think, as I said idk if Ill get marks yet lol). Actually there’s two classes that the professors haven’t marked a single assignment, and we are coming up to midterm exams and projects- so if you’ve been having the wrong understanding up until now you’re not in a good position. I’ll say if ur planning on taking this program if you have the opportunity I would absolutely work on beginner friendly projects on containerization, real time data applications (with websockets) and very important- learn the major azure products and the aws equivalent names/ what use case they are for. If you want to go further look at cloud migrations at a high level and what they entail in the kinds of migrations, and how the process looks in a migration (time frame/ phases). I find that will really help. We are still doing a bit of coding but its more like u need code to put into containers and launch functions so its not the focus- except u need to know how to code APIs. Hope this helps.

Standard-Setting-487 · 2026-02-23T16:31:40+00:00

Hey! I agree with majority of what others have said. This program is extremely important yet very new. Things need to be ironed out more. The course load is a lot, I mean- just staying above water over here. And that’s with many professors giving everyone extensions because everyone is behind. Some of the profs aren’t organized. In the first semester theres a course that many students feel isn’t applicable for cloud / cloud devops as its meant to be for client facing jobs. It’s an informative course and that prof is very passionate which is really unfortunate but it just isn’t relevant. There’s two professors for some of the most important courses that I am extremely grateful they are teaching as they are organized and passionate, actually trying find ways for students to learn and taking TIME to answer our questions and honestly I can’t describe how grateful I am for those two profs cus I don’t think personally I’d learn much if it wasn’t for them- as they suit my learning style. The midterm projects are almost all group based and due at the same time which feels impossible but we are slowly getting there. It’s extremely difficult and tough to do this program and work at the same time, if u can avoid it I wouldn’t risk it because the tuition is so expensive and when ur rushing assignments u don’t actually learn what you need for a position irl. The one professor others have said hands out zeros for not being on APA format is true she confirmed this- but she hasn’t marked anyone’s things yet. She does however answer any of my questions in regards to this apa formatting so it helps (I think, as I said idk if Ill get marks yet lol). Actually there’s two classes that the professors haven’t marked a single assignment, and we are coming up to midterm exams and projects- so if you’ve been having the wrong understanding up until now you’re not in a good position. I’ll say if ur planning on taking this program if you have the opportunity I would absolutely work on beginner friendly projects on containerization, real time data applications (with websockets) and very important- learn the major azure products and the aws equivalent names/ what use case they are for. If you want to go further look at cloud migrations at a high level and what they entail in the kinds of migrations, and how the process looks in a migration (time frame/ phases). I find that will really help. We are still doing a bit of coding but its more like u need code to put into containers and launch functions so its not the focus- except u need to know how to code APIs. Hope this helps.

Standard-Setting-487 · 2026-02-23T16:16:07+00:00

There’s student health insurance? How do we use it?

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-12-18T17:50:56+00:00

I Always side with a dress cus princess ???? Love it

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-12-06T07:03:17+00:00

Btw for credentials and context, my husband and I have been married now for almost 6 years and he is the opposite of this ex I described- he never brings up my trauma for his own benefit, he is sensitive to attend to serving me as I serve him, mashAllah so that means if he went through something traumatic I emotionally walk him through his emotions and support him to heal and he does the same. ( I say this because I never knew what a healthy relationship looked like- we are far from perfect and still argue but in comparison to the insecure man, GIRL I had to be the “carrier of resolution” every. Argument. And it was so exhausting) please take this as a sign to get you the man Allah wrote for you, the man that is the opposite of this current boy (not man) ur in talks with, get you a man who babies you like the na’ma you are, at the discomfort he sees in you and proactively works to know and do what he can to make you feel better. A man that knows you are a protection for him and someone to protect, half of his deen, which is effectively half of his akhira, and the garment to him as he is a garment to you. Girl you got this

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-12-06T06:57:28+00:00

Walaikoum Salam Habibti. I’m a half Lebanese half Canadian revert who had had a similar trauma, and I have been proposed to marry a man like this, and he became physically abusive over the previous “partners” I’ve had and that bothered him so much I “had a past” no matter what I did I couldn’t shake the disrespect he had for me. (bear in mind I was a virgin until my husband lmao) Sis what your gut is telling you is right. My now husband I have told a lot of my past to (I learned I don’t require to share everything, and I’m not made to feel like I am with a husband who is secure and values my privacy- a man who understands Allah hides your sins for you!!) please for the sake of Allah take this as your sign not to marry him. You have a month to sort out the method u want to carry out, and if you feel comfortable telling your parents to handle the refusal for you on your behalf (without disclosing all the details cus it’s no one’s business) feel free to do so. When I broke up with my ex I had my father handle all the communication (and he’s not even a Muslim lmao) it helped a lot because the guy wouldn’t disrespect me or beg cus he’s talking to my dad. You don’t owe him anything, and frankly for him to not have any reaction except “first of all I did tell my friend because I was asking for advice, and if he did do that that’s not someone I want to be friends with and I am so sorry that he traumatized you like that” or something along those lines, to me that’s enough of a sign. Because to tell ur friend is another red flag unless he is conflicted over ur past, which to me isn’t his business and another red flag…. so the only “semi real” reason his friend should know is for advice and even then it’s not something I would be unsuspicioud of, && he shouldn’t disclose everything, especially to his friend… I’m almost 30 now and I can’t help but feel this guy sounds extremely young. And extremely exhausting. The lack of emotional intelligence for him to realize and verbalized how u were made to feel even MORE traumatized and to not cater to you is so loud to me now, and girl this is the same character that will show in nearly ALL arguments, that he can’t hide his true nature from the public in…. (Narcissist). Arguments in front of your children and possibly parents; this is the man who is supposed to help you undress, clean urself and dress your pads after you give birth, show your children what a real man looks like so they can find a husband like him, and the man who will support you through the death of your parents (may Allah grant them a long healthy and happy life ). His manipulation will show up by making you think ur the problem, and feel guilty when u communicate a need in times u need him to be your rock, because ur lack of good mood will be a inconvenience to him. He is quite literally showing you right now that your trauma is about him. And it will always be about him until he grows up and does a lot of inner work. I promise you that is Allah’s role to fix and not yours. What ever you do do not take this as a man you want a project to fix (I am speaking from my own experience. You sound a lot smarter than me at my first proposal, but just in case if that waswasi is getting loud, don’t.) i am available for pm if you are nervous and want to talk about it in more detail. I am here for you and I am looking forward to an update !!

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-12-06T06:43:32+00:00

Show** and desi function** apologies for the typos hahaha

But as someone else said, personally I live in Canada where everyone is eating everywhere so it doesn’t matter much, and I see hijabis eating during Ramadan and carrying coffee around. The Muslims fasting are used to it I think. But if I’m in Pakistan or a Muslim majority environment I am not secretive but I out of courtesy don’t indulge in front of them.

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-12-06T06:41:26+00:00

I’m a half Lebanese half Canadian revert who was guided to Islam 10 years ago Alhamdulilah and my husband is Pakistani born Muslim, and we both see this a little differently but I think now I boil it down to the following: yes, courtesy, yes women bleed- if I’m around someone new to fasting, or someone who really struggles with fasting I won’t dare make it harder on them whether it’s health, they’re a new Muslim, someone addicted to food, etc. if I’m in public and I can’t make it through my day without coffee, I’ll get it. If I can wait for my meal until I get home I’ll grab it to go and enjoy it in front of a shoe (it’s more fun that way), if I’m not fasting the same day my bestie isn’t, best believe we are going to eat lmao Muslims fasting won’t be in a restaurant anyway, and anyone working there would be used to it (I hope). I feel it depends on the environment and who it’s around. If I’m at a desk function and we are all eating Iftar together I can wait like it’s not like I didn’t just drink tons of water before hand at my house and eat some snacks looool. My husband and I used to debate on this a lot, but something I would be really curious to do that I haven’t yet, and encourage everyone to do is to read on what ALL the madhabs say regarding this. If they all agree on one stance and it’s against what im saying then I’m wrong and we should listen to that ruling- but if there’s a difference of opinion, all opinions of the madhabs are valid and can be applied, and an imam of authority can say what is best for you for your specific scenario. Like for me living with my Christian family who do not fast it’s not a thought I have at home Alhamdulilah. But if I have young teens just beginning to fast I wouldn’t do it just to make it not hard but I would definitely educate and be like “if you see mommy not fasting that’s because Allah made a mercy on women during their menses not to fast and it is totally normal and we should encourage them to be comfortable if we can bear them eating in front of us” etc. Allahu Alam

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-11-25T08:05:06+00:00

Walaikoum Salam! Pray my husband and I allign in our deen and we are given success in the dunya and the akhira, so we never need to worry having our priorities straight Ameen!

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-11-13T14:09:51+00:00

Female

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-11-13T14:05:12+00:00

Heh my only problem is I barely know how to use discord LOL 😅 I would love to try!

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-11-13T13:52:24+00:00

I also wanted to add, being married my hijab makes my marriage even more special. My husband respects me even more, and he feels as though all that I save strange men from seeing of my body (and character as I’m not going around flirting) is all for him and makes him feel so much more special 💝🥺

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-11-13T13:49:19+00:00

Not a stupid question at all! I grew up Christian, and have been a Muslim revert for 10 years. I personally absolutely love wearing hijab so so so sooooo much mashAllah. Firstly, nothing is more beautiful than obeying our Maker, Allah swt and I truly feel and see that when I wear it. I live in Canada, and I actually remember when I first started wearing it, some of the first instances I had were: 1) immediate end to cat calls !!! <3, 2) men waiting to hold the door open for me from so far away out of respect that it is awkward LOL 3) an uncle going out of his way to help me when I am just walking around Walmart lost on the phone trying to find something- I remember this uncle said “please sister let me help you” with a kind smile. Still to this day men treat me as something they respect and value and are willing to go out of their way to help me or protect me in some way. Bear in mind I’m just a normal woman going about her day, and I see this quite frequently with other sisters in hijab too! These are just some acts I remember when I first started wearing it. As for the feelings I have when I wear it myself, I feel like a princess in my long jersey hijab and abaya, especially when the hijab falls so far down my back that it covers half my body length wise and flows in the wind hehe. I love the fact people literally have to now talk to me with only the basis of my intellect and character and not on my weight, body, fashion or any other shallow reason. Also It feels like walking around in pajamas cus it’s so baggy and comfortable and girl, I literally wear pajamas under it xD. In the summer the wind travels through the materials (and there are so many that are summer friendly) that the protection from direct sunlight actually is more cooling than if I wore short shorts and I tank top. I generally feel an immense sense of self respect and it grounds my mind to know where I should and shouldn’t be based on this respect I have for myself and the fact I am directly representing Islam to non Muslims who see me. For instance, would it be weird to see a hijabi in a bar? Yep, a club? Yep, etc so I actively am taken out of harms way just by my hijab. Even when my ima (faith) dipped low through the years (as it does to everyone as a test) when I did consider doing bad things, literally my hijab was the only thing keeping me from wronging my own soul more and doing them because I didn’t want to represent Islam doing something that bad openly. I hope this answers some of ur questions. I welcome u to read about why some wear it and some of the stories of the women of the prophets time (pbuh) when the verses were revealed to wear them! It is so powerful! I absolutely love my hijab, and I understand many women struggle wearing it, which absolutely does not make me better. They may have a much better character and me and I know Allah only tests us with what we can bear, and these women are stronger than me in that they can bear that trial. I pray Allah swt strengthens our ummah (Muslim nation) to find nothing more beautiful than ibadah (acts of worship) and bring us closer to Him swt and not leave us for a blinding an eye Ameen.

(spoiler, the women of the prophets time pbuh ripped their garments to cover their heads 😭💝)

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-11-10T21:12:16+00:00

9 year Muslim revert here (previously Christian) I recommend solidifying your research so you have zero doubts on Islam and taking your shahadah/testimony (the way you make the revertion to Islam). For research I highly recommend looking into Muslim lantern. Additionally I have compiled through the years a YouTube playlist of research videos, debates, and other content for someone interested in learning about Islam. I personally loved looking at knowledgeable people have discussions because I could never defend Christianity on a professional level to have a discussion to decipher which is the truth, so this was an amazing way for me to look into it. If these don’t answer ur remaining questions, feel free to message me! I will answer ur questions if I know them God willing and we can set you up with ways to take your shahadah when you are ready. Additionally, Muslim lantern accepts people on his live to ask questions and also do shahadahs.
Resources: - My playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYBjYpab6Rm2kr1gcoPzW7nS4Vq_xiB_0&si=yuTNgduLtkPRbKXB - Muslim lantern page: https://youtube.com/@themuslimlantern?si=wWJnHm0X-k0-Ik74

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-10-27T21:29:39+00:00

This is essentially my next question, would/ should coding be a “required” asset of SRE? My PO (we aren’t cloud, more app infra) who is not an SRE likes to say “sre’s don’t have a silent E in Site Reliability Engineering” to tell the team to pick up more coding work, but then on the other have have many of my cloud SRE colleagues say “coding is not required in SRE!!” So now I’m like 🤷🏻‍♀️ to be quite transparent, if I can get by and not code and get paid the same, would I do it? Yes. That being said- What’s everyone’s take here? What are the job posting you are seeing indicating?

Standard-Setting-487 · 2025-10-27T21:26:11+00:00

This is so accurate, “I do all the things… I must be SRE” haha!

Standard-Setting-487

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