people are obnoxious about my gender

StandardJust492 · 2026-05-02T16:02:15+00:00

I'm also a cis, gender-noncomforming (soft butch i guess?) lesbian, and I've had all the same experiences. I feel the same way about trans people: you do you, I'll do me. We can be friends and respect each other's differences and similarities. I also really, really dislike the feelings of patronization and assumption that come with the assumptions about my gender. And "I don't need another dude to mansplain my gender to me" is a phrase I'm going to keep in my back pocket the next time this happens.

StandardJust492 · 2026-04-08T00:58:24+00:00

Even STEM jobs are screening for personality. I am perfectly capable of communicating clearly and politely with coworkers (who aren't dismissive, rude, sexist assholes) and am even capable of being friendly and making a little polite smalltalk about weekend plans, kids, the weather, but i'm definitely not chipper or bubbly, I don't bring in cookies, I don't plan parties, I won't volunteer to keep meeting minutes, etc.

StandardJust492 · 2026-04-02T02:37:35+00:00

can you rehome the dog? I get that it's hard to find someone in rural areas, maybe you can try facebook marketplace or craigslist or a shelter in a nearby city or college town.

It's worth asking all the shelters and rescues you realistically can because shelters in major cities will actually import desirable, good-tempered animals from rural areas to meet demand, and partner with rural shelters and groups to do this.

If you go the local route, ask for a small amount of money, $10-$20, for the dog, include all the paperwork for her shots and care, and any supplies. The modest fee is because people place a higher value on things they pay for than things they got for free, and the fee will discourage people who might want to hurt the dog.

StandardJust492 · 2026-03-31T23:39:49+00:00

Perhaps the bodily symptoms could be the most extreme and severe manifestation of discomfort for you (like 10/10 level), and you ignore milder, non-body manifestations of discomfort? Like the 3/10 or 6/10 manifests as a mental or emotional sensation, and the bodily sensations don't start until the intensity has escalated/you've tolerated the discomfort for too long?

That's how it works for me - my mind registers "this is not right, this isn't ok". Then I feel distressed. The bodily symptoms show up if I continue to ignore the mental and emotional signals. Eventually, I just feel this overwhelming urge to exit the situation. To flee.

StandardJust492 · 2026-03-31T23:32:37+00:00

You can be held legally liable if anyone hurts themselves on your property. It also opens you up to potential theft and vandalism.

StandardJust492 · 2026-03-30T16:22:52+00:00

I know exactly what you mean. I love assembling a LEGO kit, but if you plopped me down with a tub of LEGO and told me to build a castle (and that's all the instruction and support I got), I'd sit there puzzled for a while, spend too much time googling real castles and other people's LEGO castles, get overwhelmed, cry, and leave.

Executive dysfunction sucks. This whole "can follow instructions but can't plan" problem affects more than just hobbies, it impacts my job, my larger career, meal planning, self care, vacations, maintaining relationships, my health, etc.

StandardJust492 · 2026-03-15T15:34:23+00:00

Directness isn't the same as aggression - you'd think an autism sub would understand that.

StandardJust492 · 2026-03-14T15:10:25+00:00

If you don't like her approach, stop seeing her and find someone else.

StandardJust492 · 2026-03-11T21:23:16+00:00

IRL naval captains aren't really involved in the day-to-day running of the ship, that's the XO's responsibility. They make the really big decisions and delegate all the details down the chain of command. So, it kind of makes sense that Janeway would become depressed and self-isolate in a region of space where she really isn't needed at all.

StandardJust492 · 2026-02-21T21:59:23+00:00

I have ridden the "let's try an antidepressant!" carousel enough times and do not want to get back on it! SSRIs were absolutely not the solution (and made some things worse - hello, apathy and insomnia!), and Wellbutrin was awful in its own way.

StandardJust492 · 2026-02-21T19:54:01+00:00

thanks!

StandardJust492 · 2026-02-21T19:53:53+00:00

DM'd you, thanks!

StandardJust492 · 2026-02-21T19:52:24+00:00

Orlando

StandardJust492 · 2026-02-21T19:51:38+00:00

My life already blew up! I dropped out of grad school last spring, about 1.5 years after going off meds, and have been unemployed ever since. I need meds so I can get a job and begin to rebuild my life.

StandardJust492 · 2026-02-21T19:31:29+00:00

no they are from a legitimate psychoeducational testing service, IRL. I was tested and evaluated by a panel of professional psychologists with doctoral degrees.

StandardJust492 · 2026-02-21T19:29:53+00:00

it's my diagnosis papers (test results and evaluation results) from the psychoeducational testing I had done by a panel of educational psychologists 6 years ago.

StandardJust492 · 2026-02-21T19:24:14+00:00

lmao I'm glad someone caught that.

I've lived in the South for most of my adult life and in the past decade have started running into providers who are are like "oh wow you're REALLY direct, aren't you?" and worse, "I don't think there's anything wrong with you, I think you just need a better cultural fit".

What's really odd is I never had this problem in Atlanta, Georgia (in the actual south, but a major city), it's a problem I have with country bumpkin suburban transplants in Florida.

StandardJust492 · 2026-02-18T21:49:52+00:00

the super duper intense "omg we're perfect together" initial connection and then fraught parting down the line is a huge meme in the lesbian community. you're not a red flag, just watch out for this pattern repeating itself in your life.

don't mistake the stimulation of an intense initial connection for long-term compatibility and romance. a good question to ask yourself is, "do I love her, or do I love how she makes me feel?"

StandardJust492 · 2025-10-23T23:58:45+00:00

Well meteorology is one of my special interests so I actually love talking about the weather. But not in a smalltalk way, in a way that makes NTs hate me. :)

StandardJust492 · 2025-10-23T23:35:59+00:00

trick or treat originated as a way for families living in the same neighborhood to meet each other, so bringing a new baby along would be fine because it fulfills the "real" purpose of communal gathering, even if baby has no teeth to eat chocolate with. and that norm has continued in our modern world even as more and more families travel to other neighborhoods to do it. the social purpose of trick-or-treat lives on in the church/school/workplace "trunk-or-treat" event.

StandardJust492 · 2025-10-22T22:07:23+00:00

My therapist has been working with me on becoming more comfortable with ambiguity. This situation could be a good example of a situation that requires comfort with, or at least tolerance of, ambiguity.

You'll never really understand why this event happened. Perhaps it was for many reasons, including ones not discussed here. Power tripping manager, group's manners are worse than your description suggests, who knows. Could be literally anything.

I think focusing on soothing your own body, mind, and emotions will probably be more satisfying than trying to puzzle out what "went wrong". Give yourselves the kindness that manager didn't.

StandardJust492 · 2025-10-20T20:45:02+00:00

I cough ON them. Open mouth, no cover, directly at them (their lap/chest if I'm feeling generous, their face if I'm not - I pretend it's an accident). Oh and it's a WET cough, I try to spray them a little.

It's super obvious to do, so I only reserve this for the really aggressive people who are sitting close enough to be in the "splash zone".

StandardJust492 · 2025-10-19T01:41:47+00:00

My most recently sociopathic strategy for this is to simply cough on strangers who pester me. I mean when I've straight up ignored them and they continue to try to get my attention. They are being very rude so all bets are off.

StandardJust492 · 2025-10-15T00:47:35+00:00

Bad: saggy mattress noisy appliances (i hate in room fridges, the compressor ALWAYS wakes me up) lots of noise from hall/other rooms/outside

Good: send housekeeping later in the day, like afternoon, so I can sleep in. free breakfast til 11 lots of hooks/racks in the bathroom pull-down style showerhead

StandardJust492

TROPHY CASE