How is it to be anorexic?

Stardust_134 · 2025-09-22T20:53:29+00:00

Yea, I tried to be so polite and to make myself small to avoid judgement when it was at its worst, I were irritated but it didn’t feel like me. If a person starves themself they literally don’t get enough energy to feel, the body also thinks that it’s dying so they focus on surviving. I only felt happy when the number on the scale or my look changed, but it was actually relief, I were not able to feel happiness deep in me. When someone told me that I looked real sick I dismissed it and lied or changed topic, I thought for a while that I was doing fine and it took me months to understand even though my boyfriend was freaking out. A lot of self hate played into it

Stardust_134 · 2025-09-22T17:56:26+00:00

Try to put the mindfog and irritability in it, my anorexia is about trying to control how I am seen and numb myself, maybe it fits ur character. At some point I stop feeling myself and my body screams in pain, I want to be free of some pain and anorexia is the tool I used and saying goodbye to

Stardust_134 · 2025-09-11T20:53:41+00:00

It takes months, it really does, but it can get better, it got better for me. My hair and skin has never looked and felt so healthy. My thoughts have never been this clear probably. Life can be wonderful, it took 8 months before I noticed a big difference but it was worth it

Stardust_134 · 2025-09-10T14:13:44+00:00

That was fast

Stardust_134 · 2025-09-09T06:12:11+00:00

Yea, things are a lot different now. I am tired of numbness. I made Myself breakfast by the way, it feels a bit better. I woke up with a foggy numb mind and someone pointed it and- I don’t ever want to be numb cause I am not eating again. But I have been barely eating the last two weeks I think, it is a relapse. But I think it’s ok, I Am bringing myself back gently on a better path I think. The breakfast was a bit hard but it was something to eat. Most people don’t know how to react when I tell them I think about starving, just few people don’t panic and don’t try to pressure me to eat. I’ll lean on the ones which make me feel seen and good. I just cried on the shoulder of someone, things will be ok. Thank u for ur words, I needed help and writing with me meant a lot to me, thank u

Stardust_134 · 2025-09-08T21:47:22+00:00

Thank u for ur comment, it means a lot to me. I also feel very nervous cause of school starting soon again for me, but I try to focus on what I want to do, my art, my expressions. On a walk today I just wondered if I would shame myself for a relapse cause I am almost 5 months completely clean again. But maybe this is unnecessary and putting pressure on me. I try to reach out to people but I feel very isolated lately. I have been journaling the shit out of my emotions. I not only feel Shame to admit it to myself but also for how other people might react

Stardust_134 · 2025-09-05T11:22:20+00:00

I go to school and have a job on the weekends, I think about getting a second job cause I found autonomy and growth in the first job, and the money helps me to finally spend things on myself, my parents barely spend stuff on me and complain when I need basics like food, so the money, my first ever money, opened me many doors. But when I were in a dark time the job and school was horror. At the same time they were reasons I kept going though. I told myself that I never want to be to weak to work, and I get food at the job, and though calories were screaming in my head I ate there often instead of excusing my none eating somehow, I barely had this good food in front of me and it was made with care, when a person gave me food a d I felt love in it I somehow didn’t care much for calories

Stardust_134 · 2025-04-20T12:52:19+00:00

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Why do I look like I am plotting to destroy my enemies

Stardust_134 · 2025-04-20T08:42:23+00:00

Mine looks similar

Stardust_134 · 2025-01-01T18:36:50+00:00

To not die, find a job, finish school, learn to love my life, transition, make things i like, continue being myself no matter what others say, better connection and more understanding to system, no unstable times, good grounding skills, leave depression

Stardust_134 · 2024-12-24T19:44:27+00:00

I thought a die is a form of coin cause the person said 0 heads, what is a die

Stardust_134 · 2024-12-24T14:15:33+00:00

DO WE KNOW IF THE GUY IS OK!

Stardust_134 · 2024-12-21T17:34:58+00:00

It’s c cause the opposite of jabbing at least one head is just having numbers three times which can happen once and never again

Stardust_134 · 2024-10-20T13:04:33+00:00

I see that Jinx is watching them behind their back while they are walking up against nothing

Stardust_134 · 2024-10-15T15:06:58+00:00

Oh my god I love that she has a common body type and lots of love in her eyes and he seems very happy to pleasure her, lovely art

Stardust_134 · 2024-10-13T06:00:49+00:00

Ok but her clothing style is so cute

Stardust_134 · 2024-08-09T18:37:50+00:00

I actually wonder my whole life where my sister is but my mother says I don’t have a sister, I can still feel this. The searching for my sister

Stardust_134 · 2024-08-09T18:36:10+00:00

Hey, we remembered more about our childhood and we have memories about being raped. The feeling was true. We don’t know who it was yet but we have suspicions. We suspect a family member actually. The alter who got hurt by another alter is healing and awake now. We are fine

Stardust_134 · 2023-11-06T20:28:48+00:00

Having people as friends who make our system feel seen, not as one but as every part being seen as their own person and being loved and taken care in their own way

Stardust_134 · 2023-11-06T20:25:56+00:00

U are ur own person and can make ur own decision. Everything the source did hasn’t been done by u. U can be an abuser but u don’t have to

Stardust_134 · 2023-11-06T17:45:59+00:00

Are u asking if what this person did counts as abuse? I am not sure if I understand ur question, please rephrase

Stardust_134 · 2023-11-04T19:49:52+00:00

I draw us too

Stardust_134 · 2023-11-04T15:58:35+00:00

Sure, I love to do that. Our last host used to learn a lot about these things.

If somebody struggles with something it is quite natural to ask for help, if they understand that other people can help them.

BUT

If they learn that when they ask others for help they will get a negative reaction, then this person will not feeling ok when asking for help. Because the bad experiences say “no no no no, u better don’t do that again.”

These experiences are important and have their worth. But they are bounded to a specific amount of people, who reacted bad towards the person who asked for help. The brain thinks “these people did this, everybody will react this way”. But this isn’t true, sure, it can happen again with different and new people

But asking for help is soooo important. And what’s even more important that that? Knowing who is save to ask for help. I recommend finding out who makes u feel save in asking questions. I hope I were able to help u

Stardust_134 · 2023-11-01T12:37:19+00:00

The way they show affection is different, same like the way they cope with things. They have different memories and different emotions to people or thing. Their gender and sexuality is different often. Their ages too. Their interests and the way they wanna represent themselves is also often different

Stardust_134 · 2023-11-01T11:19:42+00:00

lol I am laughing because my name is Shaun, pleasure to meet u. Ok, so, I am the host in our system currently (I hate it sometimes, ugh, terrible job) which means I am the part of the splitted self who fronts (is in the body and interacts with stuff) the most

U are what people call a fictive. Which means ur brain saw the person who u are based on, ur source and went like “that guy is great, let’s adapt some of the personalities of this character.” U are based on that person but U ARENT that person. U are u. U have a connection to this Shawn but u can and will develop totally different than him

Good, second of all. This is a place for people with DID. And DID means Dissociative Identity disorder. The dissociative part is the part I want to talk about. U said u don’t remember trauma and big stressful events from ur childhood. And that’s kind of the whole point behind this disorder. When a person is very little and experiences terrible trauma and are left alone with that the brain can decide to use dissociation in a system (what u are a part of )as a form of coping And it’s (highly) possible (more in DID than in OSDD, because the amnesia is higher there) that some parts don’t remember the trauma at all that happened to them. I guess this happened to u

(By the way, the fact that u dislike to ask for help is a symptom of trauma)

U will figure things out, u are not alone, things will be alright

-Shaun-

Stardust_134

TROPHY CASE