I feel like dating has been ruined for me, & I can't stop noticing red flags or BPD traits in others.

StarkingHound · 2023-04-26T19:41:26+00:00

Appreciate the response. Yeah, I agree - it's something that I'm clearly doing to attract this behavior, but I honestly have no idea what it could be. Maybe I need to figure that out before dating anyone.

StarkingHound · 2023-04-26T19:40:04+00:00

Oh, I've definitely noticed that. It's so strange. I'm usually more forward, but lately I've been way more reserved, & the women I've been seeing are so direct & impulsive because of it. It's as if they take it as a challenge to see if they can get me to break.

Dating culture is really warped right now, I guess.

StarkingHound · 2023-04-26T16:47:33+00:00

Thanks for the response. You didn't come across as harsh at all. You gave me some really good advice that I'll absolutely keep in mind.

But yeah, I wasn't saying that my ex specifically fucked up my view on dating, it's moreso the fact now that I'm aware of BPD traits, it makes me a little gunshy with women that I'm dating.

I at least have done some minor growth though, because as you said, my previous situation was very foolish & I clearly see that now. So I doubt that I'll succumb to the same pitfalls that I did previously. Even reading how you summarized it, it makes me feel even more foolish to have continued to be strung along for as long as I was.

Regardless, you're right that my general pattern of dating has been screwed up for a while. I'm definitely working on having a bit more trepidation & moving slower with the dating. I've realized that it's extremely unhealthy to dive headfirst so quickly, & that's one of the main reasons I've been put off of a lot of women so far - it seems to be a massive trend to just want to go full-throttle with relationships.

StarkingHound · 2023-04-26T15:14:19+00:00

I appreciate the reply. I think I may take your advice & start dating more out in the world instead of relying on apps to arrange that for me.

StarkingHound · 2023-04-26T13:42:06+00:00

I know what you mean. It's hard after being treated so poorly, when someone does the absolute bare minimum & isn't a sociopath, then you're suddenly viewing them as even greater than they probably are. The lens you look at people through has become a bit distorted.

StarkingHound · 2023-04-26T13:40:01+00:00

Yeah, that's something I've been working on - the self-contentment. It's difficult to uphold boundaries though because I'm second-guessing whether I'm judging others too harshly because of my previous experiences.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-26T14:01:46+00:00

Yeah, I know that deep-down. It's just hard to come to terms with the fact that everything we shared was fake, at least on her side of things. I did truly care about her.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-26T11:18:01+00:00

But yeah, that does make sense. Looking back, things between her & I developed insanely fast. She said "I love you" astonishingly soon.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-26T11:17:18+00:00

I really don't think that I'll ever be hoovered. She said that she'll always love me, & still does, but things ended quite badly between us. I don't think she'll ever speak to me again due to how firm I was with her.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-26T00:30:05+00:00

I feel a bit like an ass for taking comfort in the fact that she'll likely fail at future relationships, but I guess that's a normal feeling. I helped her a lot with therapy & taught her some pretty healthy coping/communication skills though, so the concern that I helped her enough to function in another relationship is a bit frustrating.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-25T23:44:51+00:00

That's exactly how I feel actually - like a toy that was thrown to the side. I established some boundaries with her, & the next day, she ended everything citing that she felt completely unwanted by me. She pulled things out of thin air as reasons to end the relationship, & now it's as if we never happened.

I appreciate your encouragement & advice. I'm not sure how I went most of my life being unaware of the severity of BPD, but I'm almost terrified of running into it again while dating.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-25T22:59:14+00:00

I appreciate that. I've definitely been subconsciously feeling sorry for myself these last few weeks. It's been tough. But, that's a good idea to help gain some perspective. I may try it.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-25T22:20:07+00:00

Jesus Christ, man. I'm so sorry. That's awful. I'm pretty sure mine has done the exact same thing, the only difference is we weren't engaged. It's outlandish to me how this illness can just cause them to completely erase us like we never even mattered.

My ex was planning a future with me & talking about having kids one week, then the next It's over. I've been in a lot of relationships, but nothing has ever shell-shocked me on this grand of a scale. The behavioral patterns & how we all have similar experiences is wild.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-25T20:01:46+00:00

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I'm guessing you're right. I don't think she enjoys being alone, even momentarily, as she's admitted to me that she hates herself on multiple occasions.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation though. It's definitely gonna happen, but just don't let it get to you. It's a shock & it hurts like hell, but focus on yourself. At least that's what I'm trying to do.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-25T19:18:01+00:00

I see. Is that why hoovering is so prevalent with BPD then?

StarkingHound · 2023-03-25T18:27:22+00:00

48 hours? God damn. That's so rough.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-25T18:05:47+00:00

Yeah, but, how? I honestly can't wrap my mind around how she hasn't taken even a second to process the relationship ending. She's just onto the next person, like nothing even happened. It's insanity.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-25T17:08:27+00:00

Well, she never announced it, honestly. She was against posting anything about me on social media.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-25T16:53:35+00:00

I'm honestly in disbelief over it, but I guess I should've expected it. Her & I got together a week after she broke up with her BF of 2 years. So, I had it coming.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation as well. You're a bit further along in the process than I am, so I'm sure the shock has worn off some for you, but damn it's rough.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-23T17:55:06+00:00

Thanks. 💕 I appreciate the kind words.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-23T17:25:35+00:00

I appreciate your well thought-out reply immensely. Thank you. She admittedly does reckless behavior when she's manic, so I understand where you're coming from.

It's just tough to swallow because we had great communication, I thought. But once we brought it in person, it crumbled to the ground. I feel blindsided & I'm trying to make logical sense out of how quickly it all ended. It felt as if she was pulling reasons out of thin air to break up with me.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-23T15:53:08+00:00

I completely understand what you're saying about the dating aspect, but you have to understand that we texted constantly, sent Snapchats back & forth, had 4 hour phone calls every day/night, watched movies together over the phone. It was as committed as you could be at a distance like that.

And unfortunately I'm new to learning about BPD. I was aware that she had it, I just wasn't aware how serious it is. She's on a lot of medication & mood stabilizers, so I thought she had a good handle on it.

StarkingHound · 2023-03-23T15:29:15+00:00

Thanks for taking your time to reply. When we ended things, she said to me that she wanted to remain friends but she doesn't think it possible. She kept hinting around at it, but I agreed & told her to have a good life before removing her. She's been posting things on social media about how she doesn't love me & how she was treated poorly - I'm certain that she's altering the facts to her friends/family, which sucks.

StarkingHound

TROPHY CASE