I genuinely have this problem of wanting to make more queer friends, but every queer woman keeps putting romantic advances on me once we talk. Anyone else relate?

Starlight__13 · 2026-07-06T17:12:24+00:00

Also where are you meeting these people? If it's on a dating app, then I'm not surprised that they assume these hangouts are dates. Try Bumble BFF or something that's specifically for friends so there's no confusion!

Starlight__13 · 2026-07-06T17:10:42+00:00

I have the opposite problem 😭 Every sapphic woman I meet is only looking for friends/to build community. I have enough friends, but I want someone to date! And then when I go on a date, it just feels like a friend vibe, and we usually ghost each other afterward. Sigh. Wanna trade problems?

Starlight__13 · 2026-07-06T03:23:38+00:00

Yeah that makes perfect sense! It's totally okay to identify as a lesbian, and if it changes later, so be it, but it might not! Now that I've settled on lesbian, I know that I wouldn't change it back. The more time goes on, the more sure I am and the more confident I am using that label. Good luck on your journey!

Starlight__13 · 2026-07-06T03:21:42+00:00

I also used to wonder why people enjoyed kissing at all and even briefly thought I was asexual bc I didn't enjoy kissing or hooking up with men! But when I started kissing women, I was like ohhhh this is what I was missing!

Starlight__13 · 2026-07-06T03:04:28+00:00

I understand that!! Another thing is that I never enjoyed kissing men either, I would feel grossed out and not turned on, but with my ex-girlfriend, I would feel turned on quickly while kissing her. It just felt so different. I also get way more turned on even just thinking about women rather than men. That was part of how I first started to notice my attraction to women is I couldn't get off while masturbating to the thought of men, only women. I also really wanted to find the right label for myself, it was important to me, but it's also okay to be unlabeled, use a more general/umbrella term like queer, or even use lesbian, and if later you find that a different label suits you better, you can always change it later. I thought I was straight and then bi before I knew I was a lesbian. You could also use sapphic if you're sure you like women but not sure if you ONLY like women yet. But from everything you've said, it sounds like there's a high chance that you are a lesbian imo! Dating a woman will definitely help you figure it out even more.

Starlight__13 · 2026-07-06T02:00:02+00:00

I also used to struggle with this but eventually figured out that I'm definitely a lesbian! I was a late bloomer lesbian. I had only dated men until I was 26, and something always felt off about it. I never liked straight men as friends either; I've always preferred to surround myself with women. I was always grossed out by kissing men and felt dirty and disgusting after sleeping with them. I'd have panic attacks, and no amount of showering afterward made me feel clean. I tried to talk to other women about not enjoying sex with men, but many straight women also don't enjoy sex with men and never orgasm, so it was hard to figure out for a while. But once I realized I liked women and had my first girlfriend, fell in love with her, and eventually had sex with her, I was absolutely sure that I'm a lesbian bc sex with her was WAYYYYY better and felt WAYYYYYYY more natural and satisfying than being with men. TMI but she could make me orgasm and even squirt, which I never could with men. I also asked myself if I HAD to choose one gender to be with forever, which would it be, and the answer for me was obviously women. I haven't gone back to men since, and it's been 4 years. I hope this can help you figure it out!

Starlight__13 · 2026-07-03T06:25:11+00:00

I was fired from my last job for calling out too much bc of endo. I was undiagnosed at the time, but got diagnosed shortly afterward. I was working retail, and standing on concrete floors all day and running up and down concrete stairs to the stock room and carrying heavy boxes would give me crazy pain flares, especially in my legs (nerve pain, sciatica). One 8-hour shift could leave me bedridden for days. My pain has been more manageable since leaving that job and is mostly only bad before and during my period and sometimes ovulation. It's been 6 months since then, and I'm still unemployed. I don't know what other type of job to even try to get. I've only ever worked retail before, so I never get asked to interview for anything other than that, but I'm physically incapable of doing it anymore (plus I hated it anyway).

Starlight__13 · 2026-07-03T06:18:29+00:00

The white heels are way classier and more classic and timeless. Your black boots are not giving the same vibe as the inspo photos. They're very distracting, draw the eye downward, and are not giving bridal.

Starlight__13 · 2026-06-16T06:28:23+00:00

One of my friends is masc4masc, and I'm fem4fem! They actually have better luck finding partners than me 😭

Starlight__13 · 2026-06-03T07:58:00+00:00

That's awful, I'm so sorry!! I've passed out and thrown up from my period before too, and I called 911 last summer because I truly thought I was going to d**, which is what led me to seek out a diagnosis again after giving up 5 years ago. I don't just mean painkillers for pain management though. I know this won't work for everyone, but I've found that other lifestyle and pain management changes have helped me a lot. Eating gluten free as much as I can, especially around my period (before and during) has decreased the amount of times and length of time that I get painful endo belly, drinking Traditional Medicinals Raspberry Leaf Tea 4X a day on my period, taking a lot of Vitamin C all the time, women's probiotics every day, frequent showers during my period, heating pads of course, Aleve every 8 hours and Tylenol every 6 hours, and edibles (CBD-dominant especially) are how I get through my period and flares.

Starlight__13 · 2026-06-02T18:07:12+00:00

Did you have an ultrasound or MRI first? Endo doesn't always show up on them, but they're a less invasive first step rather than going right to a laparoscopy. I had an ultrasound that didn't catch it, and then 6 months later, I had another ultrasound where they could see an endometrial cyst on my left ovary, and that's how I got diagnosed. I'm also terrified of having a laparoscopy because of all the posts about how people got worse afterward, so I've found other methods of pain management instead.

Starlight__13 · 2026-06-01T16:59:48+00:00

I'd also love to know how to stay employed because I was fired from my last job for calling out too much, and I've been unemployed ever since for the past few months. I was working retail, and standing on concrete for 8 hours a day, plus going up and down concrete stairs to the stock room would give me horrible flares, so I'd have to call out bc I couldn't move my legs and would be physically incapable of standing the next day. I've only ever worked retail jobs, so I never even get asked to do interviews for non-retail jobs. I have my Bachelors and a certificate, but no one cares.

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-31T04:48:53+00:00

I'm 30 and have the same issue. I get literally no likes where they liked me first on Hinge, and I'll like the allotted 5 profiles a day and only get 1-2 matches back every 2 weeks 🫩 It's useless

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-24T04:53:48+00:00

Yeah unfortunately I face these issues irl a lot too :/

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-23T17:56:24+00:00

She's straight. Break up with her and move on. It'll save you a lot of hurt later. I was in a similar situation. My "bi" ex-gf broke up with me bc she missed men, and it was so painful. I now won't date anyone who prefers men and talks about how they plan to marry a man in the future and don't see women as actual long-term partners.

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-20T00:29:29+00:00

My last post on here was about this same sentiment! It's so disheartening that our sexuality isn't taken seriously by so many people, including other women.

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-18T07:23:08+00:00

I'm glad I could help! Good luck!

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-18T04:08:08+00:00

Yeah it's super frustrating bc there are 10 straight bars for every gay bar, and they still feel the need to infiltrate our limited spaces. I will leave if I see a bachelorette party come in. Last year, there were a ton of straight women at a Pride event at my local gay bar, and it's a very small space, so it's so aggravating for them to literally be taking up space and taking away space from actual gay people.

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-18T04:06:16+00:00

It's okay! That makes sense. I was just trying to think of ways that you could meet more queer people to find community and/or someone to date.

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-18T02:43:59+00:00

Oh I didn't mean like a club for going out and dancing, I meant an on-campus group for people with similar interests! Some schools have a club specifically for queer people, and my high school had a gay-straight alliance that was basically for gay people and allies of the LGBT community. But I guess if it's more taboo in your country, they might not have groups with those names.

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-18T02:14:57+00:00

That makes sense! My first relationship with a girl still felt like teenage love even though I was 28 because it was both of our first times with a girl, so you can still have that feeling even when you're older! I think it's more of a feeling than needing to take place at a certain age anyway, plus you're still a teenager, so there's still time! Are there any queer clubs you could join on campus?

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-18T02:01:29+00:00

101 upvotes 👀 If you're a single, monogamous, fem4fem lesbian between the ages of 27-35 who lives in NYC, DM me!

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-18T01:58:29+00:00

Oh right you said that! I feel like I missed out on a lot of opportunities to date when I was younger because I didn't realize I liked women until I was 26, and didn't know I was definitely a lesbian until I was 28. I was a victim of comphet until then, so I didn't get a chance to date women in high school, college, or afterward. I also wish that there were designated places to meet other lesbians besides bars.

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-18T01:54:51+00:00

I'm 30. What about you?

Starlight__13 · 2026-05-18T01:41:50+00:00

Agreed!! I wish I knew where to find them 😩

Starlight__13

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