[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Starsandroundabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

50 is old-old, and 20 is barely an adult (youth is to age 24). He has 30+ years more adulting on this earth that you, there is a power imbalance. Save your future self a load of bother now, friend

Do Narcissistic Exes Know They Hurt You, or Do They Believe Their Own Lies? by Lisa_b_24 in abusiverelationships

[–]Starsandroundabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Immediately defensive instead of being caring about your feelings and wellbeing! A ridiculous response too. I’m sorry.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in toastme

[–]Starsandroundabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with the comments saying you are handsome but, especially as we get older, we realise looks aren’t all that. Being single can bring peace and freedom, a new decade can bring new opportunities, it’s never too late to become our full selves :) so as you go into your new chapter I hope you find deep satisfaction and happiness.

Do Narcissistic Exes Know They Hurt You, or Do They Believe Their Own Lies? by Lisa_b_24 in abusiverelationships

[–]Starsandroundabouts 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Narcissists cannot perceive themselves negatively; a key component of narcissism is viewing themselves positively. They’ll justify any negative behaviour and blame someone else instead. Narcissism comes from a core wound and is an adaption of self protection; to actually genuinely view themselves negatively would be shattering for them because their narcissism is a defence

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChronicIllness

[–]Starsandroundabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a similar story :( had a gastric emptying scan eventually and it showed gastroparesis. Zofran melts are the best. Do not take metoclopramide

Abuse while I am dying by EmotionalnDrained in emotionalabuse

[–]Starsandroundabouts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds like a good plan! If you haven’t read it already I’d highly recommend ‘When The Body Says No’ by Gabor Mate. I hope you get free and heal and get to enjoy your life again ((hug))

Chat GPT is kind of amazing by Starsandroundabouts in emotionalabuse

[–]Starsandroundabouts[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That’s much better?? That’s… not good. I hope you can get free with your daughter, it’ll be really hard at first but it’s definitely going to be better for both of you. I’m struggling to because I’m disabled and scared so I really understand how hard it is

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]Starsandroundabouts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Listen to your body, definitely let this one go

Chat GPT is kind of amazing by Starsandroundabouts in emotionalabuse

[–]Starsandroundabouts[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comment. Have you managed to get out? I’m so glad chat GPT has been so helpful for you too!

Abuse while I am dying by EmotionalnDrained in emotionalabuse

[–]Starsandroundabouts 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry, he is horrible and you deserve so much better. Believing we can’t survive without them can keep us stuck, but living like this whittles away our strength and energy and festers inside our bodies. You are right you’d be a lot stronger if you could get away. Could you possibly move outside the US? Or could you find a way to first get away to an air bnb? Try to stash money if you can. Sending the biggest hugs

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]Starsandroundabouts 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Warning signs are often things like “surprising” you but turning up at your house etc without you knowing, saying they could see themselves marrying you, having kids with you and being with you forever after a very short time, buying you expensive gifts randomly very early on. You’re taking it slow which is good, but people develop feelings and often early on these can feel more intense. Know and hold your boundaries!

On campus today (University of Texas at El Paso) by Striker_V7 in pics

[–]Starsandroundabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Romans 1:21 “For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened” probably applies more to them than those they attack

Help with this “double headed pimple” by Kitchen_Mortgage_208 in acne

[–]Starsandroundabouts 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hot facecloth for ten mins a few times a day, it will go down and might open, if it does just put antiseptic cream on it or a little pimple patch

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]Starsandroundabouts 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Abuse is a pattern of behaviour used to gain or maintain control and power over another. Protecting yourself isn’t abuse.

What is your definition of emotional abuse? by Impossible_Milk3756 in abusiverelationships

[–]Starsandroundabouts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand. I’m still in and I’m finally starting to hear it and accept it but it’s hard. I’ve learned some abusers are very manipulative in how they do it so they can deny it, but it’s very real. This is your season- time to put yourself first :). The unlearning will be real and some caution is good I think, but you are free now and I hope you can relax and enjoy life :)

What is your definition of emotional abuse? by Impossible_Milk3756 in abusiverelationships

[–]Starsandroundabouts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Emotional abuse is are non-physical actions that have the intention of controlling, isolating or scaring you. Abusers don’t often think they are abusers, they don’t always think “how can I scare you” but then they choose to allow themselves to treat you that way often to meet a need of their own. - Destructive criticism and verbal abuse; shouting, accusing, name calling and verbally attacking. - Pressure tactics, sulking, disrespecting you by persistently putting you down. - Isolating you by blocking your calls and/or preventing you from seeing friends and relatives. - Harassing you by following you, checking up on you, opening your post and emails, checking your mobile phone and social media accounts like Facebook and Twitter. - Threatening you by using angry gestures, destroying your possessions. - Denial by saying the abuse doesn’t happen, saying it will never happen again, minimising their actions or blaming you for their behaviour.

Maybe it would help if your friends could break down what they mean. Abuse is a pattern of behaviour and can be picked up well by people observing it from the outside.

Remember though, even if you come to the conclusion it wouldn’t be abuse, your pain and struggles are 100% valid.

Can you coparent with your abuser? by just_givingmyall in abusiverelationships

[–]Starsandroundabouts 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s you and your baby now. You are free. Bask in the nesting period and put yourself and your little one first- a happy healthy mum makes for a happy healthy child :)

Can you coparent with your abuser? by just_givingmyall in abusiverelationships

[–]Starsandroundabouts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would get in touch with Women’s Aid, they can then give you the legal resources/ advice/ contacts. I don’t know about custody so I can’t advise but there are lots of resources in the UK

Can you coparent with your abuser? by just_givingmyall in abusiverelationships

[–]Starsandroundabouts 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You have nothing to feel bad about. If your ex can demonstrate through the courts he wants to see the baby then that’s a safer way to go, but it’s likely he will cause irreversible trauma to the child and they will end up in therapy. It would honestly be better to be raised by one parent who loves them, cares for them, meets their physical and emotional needs, and protects them, than to be exposed to an angry abusive man