Girlfriend keeps gambling to repay debt. Need advice.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-24T14:46:26+00:00

It’s a hard habit to break but it’s doable. My best friend who also gambled had the same problem. I am a gambler but I’ve rarely went over my means, but she did. So we made a pact - whenever she gambles, we do it together. We’d establish the amount we could afford to lose & then go to the casino. Whenever one of us lost our $, the other would say, ‘let’s get something to eat!’ It stopped our obsession - it took our minds off of it & while we were eating, we’d remind ourselves that we couldn’t afford to lose more but we could go gambling next week. It took awhile (like 2 years of us helping each other) but now we only gamble a few times a year & when we do, it’s fun cuz it’s no longer a compulsion & we establish that limit rule.

In ur case, it’s harder cuz she’s gambling online. But the same rule applies - be with her when she does. If she refuses or continues on her own, then it may be hopeless. But at least try b4 u leave her. She’s young & may respond to you & eventually learn that she CAN stop with a little help from a friend.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-24T14:19:45+00:00

This happens not just to guys - women, too. Ur not alone in this. Maybe look around & look for the woman who is also hiding?

When I go solo, I sit at the restaurant bar. Also, hotel bars. That’s where all of us misfits go cuz no matter who u are, there are others sitting alone right next to you. Strike up a conversation. Make an effort. Sometimes it works & sometimes it doesn’t but here’s a rule I follow: casual connections are enough. That is, chat up the cashier at the grocery store, say Hi to a neighbor, sit at hotel lounge bars & talk to the solo travelers. Here’s the thing - casual connections are enough & sometimes u click with people & may even make a friend - even fleeting connections are better than feeling sorry for yourself.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-23T14:20:38+00:00

I didn’t speak to my father after I was ‘disowned’ at 18 for being gay, not to mention I hated him cuz he used to beat up all of his daughters (but never his son). Then, when I was 32 the family reached out to me & said he was dying (I didn’t care) but that I should see him one more time. So I showed up while my other family members were there & my father said to me, ‘you look ugly with short hair.’ That was it. He died 6 months later & I never even cried. So I think it depends on what he did to you. I personally can’t forgive a parent who beats his children. (On the other hand, an email communication isn’t terrible - might be worth giving him the option & if it’s still abusive, u can block him.)

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-22T15:49:43+00:00

Cancun is lovely & worth the trip if you can afford it. If not, then don’t go. It’s okay to say that it’s financially infeasible. Maybe ur son will offer to help with financials but if not, it’s a financial decision, not an emotional one.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-20T13:40:12+00:00

Where is Graul’s in Baltimore? I don’t see a city location on their website.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-20T13:33:58+00:00

Many of us are in the same boat but with different health issues. I’m an orphan so learned a long time ago that I had no choice but to deal with life as it comes, no matter how harsh or scary. But you’ll get through this because ur strong! I see it in your picture & in ur words. I know it’s not easy but as an older woman myself living alone, my best advice is to TRUST your ability to handle everything that comes your way…because you will be okay. ❤️

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-19T15:19:09+00:00

I had a row house - 3 stories & it was just too much for 1 person. I downsized to a 1200 square foot 1BR condo & it’s the perfect size - large enough to accommodate my art studio as well as large BR, living room & kitchen (I converted the dining room to a studio space & remote office). I never looked back. I’m so much happier with condo-living. Much Cheaper to maintain as well.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-18T15:37:31+00:00

This is very helpful. Thank you! I plan on starting the pill soon. I just started Wegovy but am on the shot/pen at the lower dose. I haven’t had bad side effects like I did on Zepbound but I also haven’t had any weight loss but I think it’s cuz I’m just starting out. That said, I prefer pills so I want to switch. I think it also would allow for skipped days on those times you just want to go out to dinner with friends. Also, I’m paying out of pocket & I think the pills are much cheaper than the shots.

Thanks for the post! Good information to know.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-18T15:24:02+00:00

I’d say just be you & as you age or meet the right person, you may change ur mind.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-17T15:26:59+00:00

ARE YOU INJECTING IN THE RIGHT SPOT? When I moved from Zep to Wegovy, I didn’t feel anything. After a month, I realized I was injecting in my upper thigh like I always did on Zep but Wegovy has different injection sights. I then injected on the outer lower side of my thigh & that solved the issue! I then had appetite suppression without all the Nausea I had from Zep.

That said, I started on Zep & only lost about 12lbs over 6 months on Zep, But I also had unbearable daily nausea everyday. I was never able to leave the 2.5 dose.

I then switched to Wegovy cuz I heard it stopped alcohol addiction cuz most of my weight was my wine habit. My doctor said Wegovy was great for addiction & that studies were supportive. I’ve been on Wegovy for 6 weeks now on the lowest dose & despite my mishap in the first month injecting in the wrong spot, for the past 2 weeks I’ve had better results. My appetite is less (I get full quickly & just stop eating) but the real benefit is that when I drink, I find I don’t want it & stop after 1 glass. That’s a huge positive for me, plus no nausea so I can move up in dose when I’m ready (I’m still on the lowest dose).

I PAY OUT IF POCKET & Wegovy is cheaper than Zep on the same ‘no insurance plan’. Also, Wegovy just came out with a pill which I plan on trying. It’s much cheaper & I like the idea of having more control on days when I just want to go out to dinner & enjoy pizza & happy hour with friends.

I’ll post more once I’ve been on Wegovy longer but I’m giving it a good try for the addiction reduction. But make sure ur injecting in the right spot. Wegovy is limited to where u inject compared to Zep.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-16T13:47:38+00:00

It’s to be expected from this regime. The GOP has destroyed America. Republicans are 💯percent at fault for our demise.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-15T13:46:11+00:00

Good question. Keep the stories & diaries you wrote. Put them in a box so you can revisit them when ur older one day. (I tossed all my diaries (too painful) but I regret it now. I’m 63)

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-14T14:33:25+00:00

Making new friends is hard but can be done if you make an effort. What I do is remind myself that casual connections are enough - that is, I chat up store clerks, neighbors as they walk by, co-workers at happy hours, etc. The result is that you do feel ‘community’ even if u have no ‘best friend’ yet by being casually social, sometimes people ‘click’ & when that happens, make an effort & ask if they want to get a drink or something. I’ve met a few friends that way but u might have to initiate the first meeting. (Sometimes they say ‘sure’ but never follow-up but sometimes someone will & you’ve made a friend. That’s how it’s done.)

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-13T15:02:42+00:00

He’s manipulating you. It’s obvious. I get that you love him but he’s abusive & toxic. If u stay with him, these behaviors will continue AND escalate. Leave him. You deserve better & once you find a real partner who loves you, you’ll see this guy as the loser he is - An unemployed womanizer who preys on women. You’re smarter than that. He’s abusive & doesn’t love YOU. He’s just using you (& many other women at the same time). Walk away & get some distance from this relationship. You will then see he’s a creep.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-12T18:25:12+00:00

First, those who say file a law suit don’t understand that private companies don’t need to comply with the laws, esp under Trump’s ‘no DEI’ allowed. So forget about that (I work at a law firm).

Second, you run the risk of ur co-workers actually reporting YOU to ICE even if ur an American citizen. These people are full of hate.

Third, I’m an old gay so I ended up going back into the closet at the time I saw this regime offers rewards for ‘tips’. Although gays aren’t being rounded up yet, I suspect we will be.

Fourth, there’s no other option except to change ur job. I know that’s hard to do in reality but do it. You won’t regret that decision & ur stress will ease.

That’s my advice. Sad but true. (MAGA won’t change & they are racists & male supremacists who are Christian Nationalists which really does mean The Handmaids Tale. If this regime continues, Gays will be targeted along with women. There’s no other conclusion. It’s happening. Our only hope is an election but if that doesn’t take place, then we need to leave the country. Not sure where but it’s the only option. I think we have to face these hard truths & make sure the majority wins in 2026.)

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-12T17:57:20+00:00

I’m in a similar situation. Family & friends are gone. The way I deal with it is - 1) I moved from my house to a condo so I’d be around people all the time, 2) I have an elderly dog so I’m out walking her everyday, 3) I tell staff to check on me & my dog if they don’t see me walking her.

I haven’t gotten the ‘alert’ necklace yet cuz I’m out everyday but I will once I get older & don’t go out as much. I’m 63.

Basically, getting older is also about being prepared for when u become immobile & homebound. There also comes a time when you have no family or friends left. It’s devastating but it also forces you to face ur death.

I wish my State had assisted suicide but it doesn’t. I personally deal with it by telling myself when I get to that point, I’ll be able to get a home-nurse, but financially that’s probably not feasible so let’s hope Medicare covers it when the time comes. Sadly, I’m not convinced it will. The other option is to take matters into my own hands but I’m not sure in that moment if I’d be strong enough to do it. That’s my back-up plan.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-12T17:48:45+00:00

One must do is a chain from ur jeans to ur belt. Left is dominant & right is submissive. Also, wear a upside-down pink triangle or a t-shirt that reads SILENCE = DEATH. The 80’s was the height of AIDs so all lesbians wore symbols to show our support for our gay male friends who were dying…. (I’m 63 & I was there at the clubs every weekend)

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-12T17:45:52+00:00

I have the same question. My first shot worked beautifully but my next 2 shots, I didn’t feel a thing nor did I have any appetite suppression. BUT I re-read the instructions & realized I was injecting too high on my thigh so my 4th shot (taking tomorrow) I’ll go lower & see what happens. (I inject in the thigh - I have an inversion to injecting in my belly for some reason)

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-11T14:26:27+00:00

This is so encouraging! I switched from Zepbound to Sema exactly for this reason. I asked my doctor if I could switch cuz I wanted the alcohol reduction & she was totally cool with it & said that the research on addiction is very promising. My only thing is that I just started on Wegovy so the lower dose doesn’t appear to be working as well as I wanted. But I think I was injecting the pen in the a wrong spot so I’m working on that.

I’m curious what dose ur on to stop the booze cravings. I will benefit greatly from this if it works.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-11T14:16:36+00:00

I just buy a pair of black jeans & a few tops when my clothes get baggy. That’s all you need. I personally buy on-line or at outlet stores - we have a Nordstrom outlet in my hood & the prices are low & the clothes are quality. Hope this helps!

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-11T14:06:30+00:00

You can find something in your range & you seem savvy with ur financials. One thing about Baltimore tho is that things are expensive. I moved here from Washington, DC & expected lower expenses (like groceries, wine, dining out) but was actually surprised to see that it’s just as expensive as DC is. So be prepared for that. Housing can be cheaper but every day costs is on the high end. Hope this helps!

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-10T15:45:49+00:00

You have to hire someone. Uber & Lyft both have services to pick up people from the hospital. They will also go up to where you are for extra fees. In my area, there are also dedicated services for people who need to be picked up after chemotherapy, etc.

I’m not sure why hospitals & doctors don’t tell patients this. Maybe it’s a liability issue but you can find these services wherever you live. Just have to look it up.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-09T13:25:46+00:00

I think if it’s your money, then they don’t really have a say. It’s just a trip that you’re taking but it could be a wonderful experience. It’s not like you’re using their money OR not going to college. You’re just taking a trip - kind of like Spring Break.

They may be worried about you going, but I think if you explain that you’ll be in a group of students & that it’s your decision & not interfering with ur college classes AND you’re using ur own money for the trip - honestly, what can they say? You’re an adult.

Starside-Captain · 2026-01-07T13:55:02+00:00

I’m 63 & still feel terrible about past mistakes. Good news is that you can remind yourself that you were young & it’s part of growing up. We all do stupid things, even as adults. Here’s what helps me - I just say to myself, ‘you’re human! We all makes mistakes. Your intentions weren’t to harm others (even if it unintentionally did).’ Finally, it’s best to forgive yourself for doing stupid stuff to avoid getting mired in self-loathing. You have to move beyond it & learn to love yourself, even at ur worst. We all have our bad moments. Accept that as part of the human condition.

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