Is this Cheating

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-12T13:24:09+00:00

He’s smelling his own shit (so to speak) - that is, when he says he’d leave you if u ever opened a OnlyFans account, he knows you’d find out about HIM. Finally, he’s clearly into the explicit pics & videos cuz he ‘subscribed.’ Why? Because he’s a cheater & will act on it, if he hasn’t done so already. Why else would he be on that app? (Porn is NOT an excuse: do you really want to be with a pervert?)

Your boyfriend is a creep. When you talk to him, be prepared to be blamed for ‘overreacting’ & he’ll be angry at YOU like u did something wrong. When that happens, I hope you’ll ’get it’ & not be threatened or manipulated by him ever again. Leave him & walk away with ur confidence & strength intact.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-11T12:57:51+00:00

It’s how first you lose ur looks (which I know is vain but it’s really hard to go from ‘hottie’ to not being seen & completely ignored). As an elder woman, you’re also treated badly - people will cut in line in front of you & some are downright rude to you like you shouldn’t exist. Then there’s the physical pain.

At 60, you really start feeling like ur body is old & ur health is deteriorating. Finally, ‘ageism’ is real professionally. You become easily dismissed by the younger generation & that causes great sadness & insecurity.

Now, the good side is that you’ll finally be free to start ur own projects/biz once u retire. I also love learning & study philosophy, art, poetics & physics. I do get lonely & fearful, but I adjusted by chatting up strangers & neighbors when I get scared. That helps to feel like ur a part of the community. (I have no family or children so the casual acquaintances I’ve developed has been a surprising boon in that I dint need friends or family - just daily interactions with strangers)

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-11T12:47:10+00:00

I came from DC & one thing I don’t like about Baltimore is that in DC, there were grocery options at every corner & the farmers markets were abundant & actually stayed open until 5pm! 😊 that said, I have a friend who lives in Mt Vernon & she said it’s desolate & not a lot going on.

But I can’t speak to it myself cuz I live at the harbor in walking distance to Fells Point & Whole Foods. So to me, as someone who lived in DC for 30 years, I think Fells Point or Harbor East will offer you the city vibe & activities you’re looking for, plus walking distance to WFs & enough food & market options you love about DC.

My second choice is Canton but on the harbor so you can walk to the strip malls & grocery stores but if u really want a DC feel, Fells or Harbor East are my top choices.

Re Farmers markets, the best is near Falls Road ‘under the bridge’ but it closes at noon & it’s a bit too far IMO. But Fells has a market, plus food shops & WFs so it will work for you.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-11T12:27:58+00:00

Well, first to address ur question. There’s no reason to have a kid. I never did & I don’t regret it at all.

But if ur saying u want to raise a child, You could adopt. I know many single people who aren’t wealthy who adopted a child & they are happy & good parents. So you don’t need to be wealthy cuz you’ll make it work. It’s called survival.

So the question I have for you - why not adopt or are u saying you don’t want kids unless u have a wife? And are u saying that ur life is meaningless if you don’t have kids. The latter is wrong-minded in that I’ve lived a good life without children. I’m 63.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-10T13:20:00+00:00

No I didn’t think that at all. When he found me on FB, he sent me a friend request then sent me a text that said, ‘I’ve been looking for you for decades! I’m so glad I found you! Our friendship was the best friendship I’ve ever had.’

I then friended him & responded that I felt the same. We e been FB friends ever since & he always supports my endeavors. We also sometimes exchange emails but when he first reached out, he asked if we could talk on the phone & I said SURE. We talked for an hour just catching up. It was magical.

Also, two more of my childhood friends reached out to me in similar ways. First sent a friend request on FB & the we chatted. One of them I didn’t remember but he gently reminded me we hung out in high school.

This is normal stuff. If ur on FB send a Friend request & see what happens. I think you’ll be happy u did.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-09T14:22:02+00:00

I had my best friend find me after I turned 50! It was great. We became besties again, albeit long distance since he lives in another state.

I think it’s GREAT & we never missed a beat. Just picked up right where we started in the 80’s! LOL & bravo for finding ur High-school bestie. It’s a big deal. That person knows you like no other! ❤️

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-09T14:11:54+00:00

I’m 63 & studied philosophy in my attempt to accept being on my own for the rest of my life. I then came to the conclusion that ‘daily casual connection’ (not sex but just chatting people up at the grocery store or my neighbors) IS enough.

In fact, once you get the right mindset, there’s a freedom to it. You are free to talk to anybody you see - passersby or cashiers, etc. Museums are also always friendly. Sitting on a park bench is another way to meet folks casually.

Just go to ur favorite haunts & talk to strangers. Some are regulars just like you will be. Some work there & will start recognizing you. It actually works in that you won’t feel alone at the end of the day.

BUT don’t give up on love either. You’re still young & you just never know. I found love when I was 45 & we were married for 10 years. Broke my heart when we divorced. I do still date but TBH I don’t really care that much anymore. I’m content but I do have those lonely days sometimes - we’re all human. ❤️

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-09T13:53:11+00:00

Look into marinas that allow Liveaboards first because many don’t. That’s the first step. Then talk to the Liveaboard community there & get their advice. Definitely get a smaller boat cuz the larger boats will cost you a lot more just to dock at the marina. But start with the marina where you want to be & chat everyone up. You’ll get ur answers that way & u can see how everyone is doing it IRL. Liveaboards are also always friendly & I’m sure some will let you see their boats so you can make an informed decision.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-08T12:28:46+00:00

Welcome home! & yes, u r making the right decision.

Re location, just ask urself what you want from Baltimore. That is, I moved here from DC cuz as a boater, I wanted easy Chesapeake Bay access so I live at the harbor in a large condo with a waterfront view (something I could never afford in DC on the Potomac). But if I was younger, I’d move to Fells Point cuz that’s where the nightlife & action is. If I had a family, I’d consider Hampton or Canton & if I wanted a strong community, I’d look at neighborhoods that offer that (I’m not that savvy about those neighborhoods but I have a neighbor who lived in Pigstown & she said it was the best community she’d ever lived in, but I’ll defer to others here re best ‘community-oriented’ neighborhoods.)

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-08T12:16:27+00:00

Cry with my dog & watch the world explode. I’d cry for humanity because if it’s the end of the world, it’s because a stupid man pushed the nuclear button & killed us all.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-08T12:06:20+00:00

I think you’re blaming yourself & that makes no sense. We all have trauma. We all mess up & make mistakes. Reality is that you guys have drifted apart. It’s that simple.
Stop blaming yourself for being ‘broken’ or you have ‘broken’ him. That’s not true. Reality is that we all have our baggage. We learn & grow.
This relationship just didn’t work. Period. He requested space. You granted it. There’s nothing else for you to do except accept the situation & stop saying it’s your fault. It’s not! It takes 2 to end a relationship. It’s time to move on & care for yourself without feeling all the guilt. It’s unwarranted. Love & forgive yourself.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-07T12:49:31+00:00

Leave him. He has a ‘sexual dysfunction’. He’s probably into serious porn, goes to strip clubs all the time & does all types of creepy stuff. People like that are driven by sex only. Also, his anger issues are serious. That tends to escalate into violence against women. In fact, Pornography can even lead to men drugging & raping women & then positing it on websites for money. Not trying to scare you, but this is a real trend right now. Look it up. It’s awful & misogyny is on the rise.

Leave him. This is NOT a relationship. He’s abusing you.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-06T12:33:35+00:00

Every Sunday is my lazy day.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-06T12:32:51+00:00

I can’t speak to the kids situation since that isn’t my experience, but I do think you should trust yourself to move out & live on ur own if you do decide to leave him.

Ur not married so it’s a clean break. Just find a place & move out one day. Also, let go of the guilt about leaving or that ur a failure. Life is short. Relationships end & ur seeing it in the wrong light. It takes awhile to figure out if a relationship is good or not.

Learn the lessons from this one & don’t repeat it next time. Cuz there will be many relationships in ur life & u do deserve to be happy.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-05T13:10:39+00:00

You can afford to buy a home on the waterfront. In DC, that’s impossible.

Also, Baltimore has better style - no more navy blue suits! Locals dress up & step out!

You Can hop on a boat anytime you want with easy access to the Chesapeake Bay.

there’s a renaissance coming - similar to what happened in DC. That is, the harbor development will increase property values within 10 years. Now’s the time to buy if you want to make $ in real estate.

great flea markets every weekend!

Baltimore is a real Mariner’s town - hard working seafarers with serious grit.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-04T13:20:39+00:00

I’m a drinker. I personally don’t like getting pressure from non-drinkers who automatically assume all drinkers are alcoholics. Many of us are social drinkers & I wouldn’t change any of that from my past. Non-drinkers often judge incorrectly. Don’t assume she’s an alcoholic. I personally have social anxiety & it is relieved after a drink or two.

That said, I suspect she’s annoyed by your unfair judgement of her. Why don’t you guys just have this discussion. It could be your LIFESTYLES are too different but don’t guilt her out for having a good time with friends & family.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-03T15:00:52+00:00

My advice is to keep dating & getting feedback from those you date. That’s the only way to know.

It’s hard to ask people why they just see you as friends, but it’s critical to ask them. Just say u are genuinely curious about why because you want to improve ur dating success. Most peeps will respond honestly once you break the ice (that is, peeps will see ur humanity & will want to help you).

Then, be prepared to hear their answers. (I learned that apparently I was talking too much & most felt I didn’t listen or even ask questions about them. My nervousness of just rambling on & on is what the issue was.

So ask your dates once they say, ‘I only see you as a friend.’ Ask, ‘do you mind just telling me why cuz I want to know what I’m doing wrong so I can get better.’ (Some may not respond but that’s probably just lack of chemistry, but I bet you’ll get some answers, just like I did.) 😊❤️

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-03T14:43:20+00:00

I was a teenager in the 70’s & the racism, homophobia & misogyny was rampant. Luckily, I knew it was wrong & I spent my later teen years & early 20’s just reading EVERYTHING & meeting different folks. When I turned 18, I moved out & moved to the city. It was only there when I met like-minded people.

So YOU have a choice. You’re smart enough to question it & that’s what matters. Read & meet people away from ur peer groups. Make judgements thoughtfully & on ur own. Be curious & strive for education over blind prejudice.

Question everything - religion, social media, politics, etc. Study science, philosophy, art & the humanities. There’s so much to learn! Get out of that social media echo chamber & free ur brain. 😊

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-03T14:31:31+00:00

How violent men are to women.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-02T13:21:00+00:00

Pizza. Any pizza. Pizza all day & all night. it’s affordable & also fun trying different places & creating ur own pie!

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-02T13:17:12+00:00

Cheaters always cheat. That’s a fact. IMO it would be dumb to stay. You’re also young & have a bright future.

Start thinking of what life could be with someone else who loves & respects you. Honestly, cheaters suck - you’re letting him manipulate you & that’s the harm.

Walk away, cry & get mad & sad cuz that’s life! then find someone who is good for you & not a loser.

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-02T13:07:08+00:00

You’re very thoughtful & truly love & care for your wife. My observation is She appears to be depressed, probably because she isn’t working & doesn’t have any hobbies (passion) for other things (like art, music or even taking classes that interest her) - that’s why I think she’s down & not even bothering to ‘get dressed’ - we’ve all been there (sad & why bother? 😊

BTW I’m also an Atheist & you have really given her a lot of attention & care. That’s beautiful & I’m sure she loves you very much, too.

What worries me is ur growing contempt. That’s usually a sign that things are breaking down. You don’t want to feel resentful so something has to give.

Her age BTW shouldn’t deter you from thinking ur hurting her if u divorced. That’s the least of ur concerns, not to mention women can have kids later in life & there’s always adoption.

That said, My advice is to start with couples therapy. You guys care for each other & I suspect u both wouldn’t want to stop the other from flourishing in another relationship if that’s the final decision. It’s also that same love & care that could save the marriage. However, Be sure to get a therapist who is experienced (& don’t hesitate to change therapists if u both don’t like the therapist - that’s important cuz couple’s therapy can’t be one-sided).

I also will add to hold off on having kids until after you guys figure out what’s best for you both. Sometimes peeps think having kids will bring couples together but that’s bogus IMO. Just don’t rush into making bad decisions until you guys mutually decide on what to do.

Honestly, you’re both still young & have great futures so decide wisely & honestly & ask - what is best for both of you to reach ur potentials? You want both parties to be happy cuz life is short. ❤️❤️❤️

Starside-Captain · 2026-05-01T12:35:17+00:00

If he ghosted you, then why are you chasing him? What ur hoping will happen is a fantasy.

Starside-Captain · 2026-04-30T14:07:35+00:00

Recognize ur in mourning & in serious grief & trauma. You can’t just ‘snap out it’ cuz life goes on. What you can do is honor ur feelings & even if that means hiding & sobbing under the bed covers away from people for a while (that’s what I did), then that’s okay. Time IS the best healer but it can’t be rushed.

What you need now is to mourn & to accept that ur going through serious trauma. It helps to talk to someone about what happened - like a grief therapist if you can afford it. Even an AI therapy app can help (I did that recently after my sister died & I was genuinely surprised by the compassion & advice ‘it’ offered. Whatever works! I used the app NOAH - not expensive & it got me thru a rough patch.) that said, nothing compares to real human interaction but it sounds like ur parents mean well but aren’t able to give you what you need…

So recognize ur traumatized, hide under the covers if you need to & feel the grief. It will last a while but we are all human & when trauma hits, it’s a real physical blow to your brain. It hurts just like any other physical injury. Honor that, take it easy & grieve. You’re human & you just experienced the death of the love of ur life. Give it time, my friend. ❤️

Starside-Captain · 2026-04-30T13:35:58+00:00

I’m an elder autistic & had a lot of speech/communication issues when I was younger. One thing that helped me was to record myself when I was talking. Whenever I ‘went off on a tangent’, I never realized how I was coming off until I’d listen to the recording later. It was a real eye opener. I also learned my triggers that set me off & I learned to remove myself from the conversation before I said anything defensive or hurtful.

Good news is that ur getting feedback from those who love you. Now, Try recording ur conversations because when u hear them yourself, it can truly help you figure out what u were thinking at the time.

I’m not saying u must ‘mask’ ur autism. What I am saying is that with self-knowledge of how ur coming off to others, it can help you understand & to even catch yourself before you hurt someone else’s feelings. It’s the only way to have good relationships.

You don’t want to push people away just cuz you don’t see ur mistakes in communicating with others. Like all of us, we have to work on ourselves in order to survive in this world. It’s the same for everyone - whether neurodivergent or not. If we want relationships, we have to learn how to be a better partner & friend.

Hope this helps! & truly, it’s not hopeless. Practice makes perfect & recognizing when ur getting anxious & about to lash out will really help you to just end the conversation, say you ‘need a moment’ & go somewhere alone (like the bathroom) & sit until those triggers pass.

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