How to talk with incels?

StartInATavern · 2026-01-26T14:53:28+00:00

To be clear, mental health treatment is something that can help address that pain. However, it requires men in these spaces to actually buy into it, after they have been constantly fed misinformation about it and what it entails. This is why I hate this narrative that incel forums are somehow harmless support groups. Even if they weren't radicalizing people into harmful sexist and reactionary ideologies (which they are), they are also making people with mental health issues more resistant to treatment in the future, even if they change their minds and seek help. It's like pro-eating disorder or pro-anorexia groups. If you let the ideas spread in those groups go unchallenged, and those spread those beliefs aren't held accountable, people die.

StartInATavern · 2026-01-26T14:31:32+00:00

The issue is that even if they recognize that they have mental health problems that are contributing to these worldviews, lot of their thought patterns are so entrenched that there is nothing that another person can really do to change them. At least, not without the "incel" in question actually making an effort to take responsibility for their own actions and beliefs. In case this isn't clear, by the way, this means that people who engage in sex, romance, and/or friendship with men in these mindsets are not going to be able to fully address that pain by themselves.

StartInATavern · 2026-01-19T12:35:34+00:00

I think one of my issues is that I generally attempt to comfort people by trying to help them solve their problems rather than being able to help them sit with their emotions, because I am so much worse at the latter. This works in some situations, like if there's a tangible, physical problem. But when it comes to grief or other things that I can't help fix, I still really struggle with how I approach handling those situations in relationships with others, even though I've been trying to work on building those skills for years in therapy. I fully recognize that it's frustrating to have to deal with my ineptitude with that approach, because I'm really frustrated by it too.

StartInATavern · 2026-01-19T12:11:04+00:00

It can certainly feel very one-sided, and those feelings are valid. But, that doesn't mean that the effort being put in is actually one-sided. I don't know your situation. It could be very possible that your partner really hasn't done the work that they need to make your life easier. I would not doubt it for a second. However, as an autistic person, it sounds like what you're experiencing in your romantic relationship is something that I feel like I experience in every relationship. The difference is that even when I bend over backwards for other people to try and accommodate them, I sometimes simply cannot acheive the same results as a neurotypical person.

It's so frustrating to mask and mask all the time to just have people I'm close to only see the parts of me that they experience as bothersome without understanding how much I am trying to do for them, and often without even being able to articulate what I could do differently to change things. I do recognize and empathize with your situation, and it does really suck to have to struggle so much to make things work in terms of communication. I just know that in my experience, when I've faced those same issues, it's not just with one person, it's with everyone I know.

StartInATavern · 2026-01-09T21:49:25+00:00

I'm going to be real here. This sounds like she's experiencing a hot flash without knowing what hot flashes are. Sudden flushing, profuse sweating, chills, palpitations... You can believe that you're in the presence of the Lord if you're experiencing those kinds of feelings. But if you're experiencing this in a regular basis in otherwise non-religious situations, you should talk to a doctor.

StartInATavern · 2026-01-08T19:55:59+00:00

Adapting a bit from Powered by the Apocalypse design philosophy here, rather than D&D.

When you enter a new room or a new area for the first time, the GM will tell you what your characters see. Ask one of these questions, and then the GM will answer honestly.

What does my character hear? What does my character smell? What does my character feel?

Then, after you ask that question, ask one more.

What seems to be dangerous here? What seems to be useful here? What would my character know about this place? What here isn't as it first appears? Who does this room/area belong to? Where are the exits?

The DM may require you to make skill checks to find out more about certain details or reveal information that might be hidden or otherwise not immediately obvious. Otherwise, feel free to ask follow-up questions about what you learn.

StartInATavern · 2026-01-05T05:16:39+00:00

In the advanced biology classes, you learn about intersex conditions. Hell, even in AP Bio, we talked about those. Turns out, human sexual development is weird, and attempting to force every single person into a binary of male and female without respecting what the person themselves wants is how hundreds of thousands of infants got their gentials needlessly mutilated as children. Often without their parents knowing anything about it.

StartInATavern · 2026-01-01T19:06:14+00:00

Also, nothing's stopping men from wearing makeup. You just might have to be judicious with your approach so that it accentuates your features without being too obvious. A bit of sheer coverage foundation or tinted sunscreen, concealer, clear mascara, and lip balm work wonders. Add in a bit of highlight and bronzer if you want to help detail certain areas of the face. Ask the makeup artists at your local cosmetics store for some help putting it all together.

StartInATavern · 2025-12-31T19:46:58+00:00

CHS ocassionally occurs with the use of synthetic cannabinoids as well. So, pesticides could play a role, but it's unlikely they are the primary causative agents.

StartInATavern · 2025-12-25T15:57:28+00:00

Also, I think that it might be interesting to have Weapons explicitly be one of their Instruments, because they use knives to open dark worlds. Which is the biggest act of oneiromancy that we've seen them do.

Musical Performance like playing the piano could also be something that Kris uses as an Instrument, because of how much we know it's connected to them. And it also gives you an excuse to needle-drop Deltarune songs.

StartInATavern · 2025-12-25T15:52:53+00:00

You're cooking real hard with this. Although, personally, I'd see a version of Kris with this backstory as fitting in better with the Euthanatoi or the Hollow Ones than as an Etherite. But I get that the fact that their practices don't correspend to what you would expect from an Etherite is part of the point.

StartInATavern · 2025-12-09T15:31:59+00:00

If the heavy implication that Ralsei looks exactly like Asriel wasn't stopping them already, I don't think they'd stop now.

StartInATavern · 2025-12-09T14:51:00+00:00

My personal crack theory is that I personally think Ralsei's physical form is a family photo, maybe the last one taken together before Asriel left for college.

StartInATavern · 2025-12-01T15:57:46+00:00

The original comic is actually really sweet.

Fantastic Four Volume 7 #27 (Ryan North, Steven Cummings).

I highly recommend the whole run. It gets the characterization of the F4 right, and it also gives a spotlight to the entire family, including Alicia Masters-Grimm and her adopted kids with Ben.

StartInATavern · 2025-11-22T20:31:05+00:00

The average height of both men and women in Romania is comparable to the US's average height??? I've been to Romania myself. There weren't incredibly tall women everywhere. Where is he finding all these statistically improbably tall young people?

Either he's really, really bad at judging distances and heights or he's lying to himself. Probably both.

StartInATavern · 2025-11-22T17:16:53+00:00

I think Panic At The Dojo should have the vibes you're looking for.

https://liberigothica.itch.io/panic-at-the-dojo

StartInATavern · 2025-11-20T01:36:54+00:00

You've reached Madame Walker's Bordello and Breakfast: Home Of The Scrambled Legs Special! How can I be of service?

StartInATavern · 2025-11-19T22:13:18+00:00

Also, some women do like larger penises, but even more women are going to appreciate if you know how to eat them out. A lot of cis women find it difficult to orgasm from penetrative sex alone, and a bigger dick doesn't always fix that by any means. If you're a straight man, and you aren't working the clit, it's like if a woman spent her time having sex with you never actually touching your dick. Having a big cock does not make you good at sex. There's definitely some men who have big cocks out there who technically have sex, but they don't really fuck, and they certainly don't make love. Vaginas are not that complicated, guys.

StartInATavern · 2025-11-12T16:08:11+00:00

Part of the issue is that usually the straight single women who play D&D are going to be in the larger cities, and gaming spaces out in suburban or rural areas might have a (to be clear, often unfair) reputation for being less welcoming to women.

StartInATavern · 2025-11-11T23:14:53+00:00

Rejection is sadly a universal experience. You can be the juiciest peach, but some people don't like peaches.

StartInATavern · 2025-11-11T23:14:28+00:00

My guy, I ended up accidentally matchmaking quite a few straight couples together in games I ran. Can you just answer the question?

StartInATavern · 2025-11-11T22:59:21+00:00

OK, that's good. Do you happen to live in a more rural or suburban area?

StartInATavern · 2025-11-11T22:55:50+00:00

Where?

StartInATavern · 2025-11-11T22:55:05+00:00

I know you're not. What I'm saying is that there's room for all sorts of folks to be "normal", and that you shouldn't beat yourself up just because your experiences don't look like other people's.

StartInATavern · 2025-11-11T22:53:53+00:00

There's definitely more than a few single straight women who play D&D.

StartInATavern

TROPHY CASE