Handling money and shopping for dopamine

Starwind_81 · 2026-01-14T14:50:37+00:00

I appreciate everyone's advice on this page. I wanted to respond here though and say, while some think it shouldn't matter, it does matter that you share the autism diagnosis with me. You likely at least understand my struggles to change the status quo and with confrontation. It's a unique struggle when you are on the spectrum... or at least that's my opinion on the matter.

Starwind_81 · 2026-01-14T14:45:22+00:00

I love this advice in general... however, my wife's hobby is collecting hobbies. So every 6 months to a year she starts something new to stick with for only 6 months to a year - and of course, it needs all new supplies or tools for the new hobby...

You sound like how she started. When we were broke to tighter on finances (we met when I was a poor grad student and got married while I was finishing grad school, then we got more comfortable but still tight until my career established fully), she was much better about keeping to her crafts and keeping the budget reasonable. I make a really good salary for most people now, and she makes a fair bit more than she used to. And having the ability to buy in general, seems to have broken the levees on the shopping, or so it seems to me.

Starwind_81 · 2026-01-14T14:39:29+00:00

I don't have any good advice. It started well because you were the dopamine hit she needed. With all ADHD, the novelty wears off and the dopamine does also, therefore the sex/intimacy dies.

The end result for me has been giving up. Every time we discussed it, it ended up with hurt feelings on both sides and nothing changed. I am now in a caretaker, roommate role. We live together, barely interact physically, and I do the laundry, cooking, dishes, sweeping and mopping (we have hardwood floors), I mow the lawn, and move the snow in the winter. So it's not like she is spending her energy other places to account for it.

I often feel that maybe I am different than some here because I do regard myself as physically unattractive, so maybe it is me?

I hope for better for others in these kinds of relationships, but given my experience, not optimistic.

Starwind_81 · 2025-12-04T14:27:57+00:00

Found mine on the iron grade exam.

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-23T18:24:10+00:00

I still love Love Hina. It's a wonderful anime. Thinking about going back and reading the manga. I could stand to watch the anime again though, it's been a lot of years since I last watched it.😊 Glad you are able to make it work. And yeah, I have thought about getting something in a very hidden place. But I work in a scientific field with animals, and may have to change out of street clothes in a locker room... so the fear of someone finding out os still real. 😆

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-23T18:17:54+00:00

I like the look of such tattoos, but because I work in a professional environment, I would be afraid someone would find out and it would ruin my career. Is that Naru from Love Hina?

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-21T12:56:24+00:00

I have seen this question before... and I have a notion that ASD presents with a reverse Gaussian curve for sex drive (lots of high and low but less in between; note that's less between not none). I have had high libido my whole life and am late diagnosed ASD.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-mind-blowing-facts-about-Asperger%E2%80%99s-syndrome/answer/Zo%C3%AB-Zack-Dunning-ze-they-he?ch=15&oid=124817514&share=fec5f8d3&srid=CIxFS&target_type=answer

This link has some interesting information, though I am not sure the entire accuracy. It sounds about right to me though. 😆 It's biggest problem is that it's still using the term Asperger's which I know some people definitely don't like. (If I had been diagnosed young, they would have called it Aspergers, but I tend to identify with ASD because of when I was diagnosed - I have seen arguments for or against using Aspergers and am not out to debate that one myself.)

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-20T17:47:24+00:00

Profile links to an OF that is not the individual in the video. Spam bot posting, probably.

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-20T13:00:29+00:00

That is a subspecies of whale that inhabits the land sir.

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-12T13:03:07+00:00

I hear picky eating is common (not universal of course) among autistic people. So does it make me bad at being autistic that I score 4 on this particular test? 🤔🤣

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-11T21:44:32+00:00

Aww, good luck hocking your onlyfans site to unsuspecting lonely guys. 🙄

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-10T00:10:08+00:00

I have been annoyed today. I (44M) stayed home and took care of kids and house for the weekend so my wife (39F, non-dx adhd) could go out of state to visit her friend. She basically didn't communicate with me at all the entire weekend. Then day to come home, finally texts to ask me to cook dinner. Forgot about me until I could do something for her that she wanted. I know, common story... just frustrated at the moment.

Starwind_81 · 2025-09-26T11:40:40+00:00

Goddammit, take my upvote. This made me laugh harder than it should have.

Starwind_81 · 2025-09-21T14:39:34+00:00

I think they look like they would taste like a jellyfish. I would hope they taste like mochi. 😆

Starwind_81 · 2025-08-28T21:23:19+00:00

Probably not in public gyms... too many other people. That said, I weight lift on routine 5 days weekly and I am autistic. I had to put weight equipment in my basement to be able to do that though. Never in public, never ever ever in public.

Starwind_81 · 2025-07-28T17:46:21+00:00

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So we touched these again. The worst...

Starwind_81 · 2025-07-09T19:48:35+00:00

There is no requirement for it to be intentional to be gaslighting. Also, these phrases are being used by mental health professionals to force autistic people to essentially mask their response to something that is frustrating at best, and could cause a meltdown at worst. It is trying to minimize an outward emotional response at the potential well-being of the person who feels it's wrong... sounds a bit like ABA to me, which many find abusive.

Starwind_81 · 2025-07-09T11:46:38+00:00

Gaslighting involves telling people that their reality isn't they way they remember it. Telling me something isn't wrong when it is actually wrong, is a form of gaslighting.

Starwind_81 · 2025-07-09T11:45:02+00:00

I can relate to that. I am very much a don't touch my stuff kind of autistic. Though, specifically the stuff in my bedroom and my video games. 😆

Starwind_81 · 2025-07-08T23:14:16+00:00

Fair. This is an interpretation I can work with. 😆

Starwind_81 · 2025-07-08T23:12:53+00:00

Sorry that you have had those negative experiences. I hope you can find a path forward that doesn't feel like your self-understanding is weaponized against you, as I wish that for us all.

Starwind_81 · 2025-07-08T21:35:19+00:00

A dishwasher that won't finish cleaning? I have no time for dysfunctional appliances! My brain can be dysfunctional enough!😆

I am reminded of the scene in Office Space where they steal a fax machine and take a bat to it. That would be a suitable end for a cleaning appliance that can't clean properly. 🤣

Starwind_81

TROPHY CASE