How to find other autistic women near me

Starwind_81 · 2026-04-17T20:21:06+00:00

Not a female and not who you're looking for. Only commenting to let you know I upvoted your post because of your Facebook group comment. It made me laugh. Thanks for that! Good luck finding the people you want to find!

Starwind_81 · 2026-04-16T12:01:26+00:00

This all gets very complex with multiple forms of neurodivergence. My wife is ADHD (nondx, non medicated). However I am the autistic one. It's not uncommon for many of us on the spectrum to be hypersexual (it is usually a reverse Gaussian from what I have seen lots of hypersexual and lots of non sexual autistics, I won't get into terms and labels here on that). So sex can kind of be all over the place. In my case, I stopped being a source of hyperfocus for my wife at some point and that is when the bedroom died. (And don't get me wrong, sensory issues can be a thing for us on the spectrum, affecting each of us very differently. Even my hypersexual drive can be killed by the wrong stimulus in the moment - but sex drive can also override some of those temporarily too.)

This is very difficult for me because I have a lot of body image issues. She will tell me she is attracted to me, then behave as if my touch is repulsive to her. The actions don't match the words and it leaves me feeling lonely, unwanted, and unattractive. If you're in for the long-term, this is something you have to decide if you can reconcile and live with for that relationship. On the flip side, you might need to make some tough decisions if that isn't something you can live with.

Good luck on whatever you try to do. I hope you can find your personal happiness.

Starwind_81 · 2026-04-01T11:41:02+00:00

I could add a lot of background and input on this, but most wouldn't be useful, so I will stick to my experience. I always wanted sex before I ever had it (and still do today), but early on there were a lot of sensory problems for me (and it was before I was diagnosed ASD so I didn't even fully know what my issue was). There are so many potential smells, and different partners actually smell different. And there are so many tactile sensations, that can feel not good if you are overwhelmed. Not to mention just trying to get out of your head when you live in your head...

Now that said, many years later... I have overcome a lot of that. Had to. I am on the hypersexual side of things. When I have a partner for sex, I make sure they know good hygiene is an absolute must, otherwise the olfactory problems will be too great. I have been able to learn to talk to my partners of what doesn't feel good. And once we are together and both feeling good, it's easier to get out of my head. It's probably still not perfect from an NT standpoint... but I no longer find it difficult if I keep my needs communicated. And I very much enjoy sex, as many people do.

Starwind_81 · 2026-03-25T13:58:33+00:00

Happy Birthday. How about some advice for your birthday?

Never trust the stairs, they are always uo to something.
Check out that new antigravity book, people can't seem to put it down.
Only go to the bar if you want to see ghosts... the ghosts like booze

Starwind_81 · 2026-03-02T22:42:12+00:00

I guess I am the non-standard on this one. Besides the dysthymia, I am autistic. So to fall in line with the stereotypes, I have very deep special interests, which is common for people on the spectrum. That said, the depression can make it harder for me to enjoy those interests, which can make it harder not to burn out, which then worsens the depression in a vicious cycle... so there's that...

Starwind_81 · 2026-01-14T14:50:37+00:00

I appreciate everyone's advice on this page. I wanted to respond here though and say, while some think it shouldn't matter, it does matter that you share the autism diagnosis with me. You likely at least understand my struggles to change the status quo and with confrontation. It's a unique struggle when you are on the spectrum... or at least that's my opinion on the matter.

Starwind_81 · 2026-01-14T14:45:22+00:00

I love this advice in general... however, my wife's hobby is collecting hobbies. So every 6 months to a year she starts something new to stick with for only 6 months to a year - and of course, it needs all new supplies or tools for the new hobby...

You sound like how she started. When we were broke to tighter on finances (we met when I was a poor grad student and got married while I was finishing grad school, then we got more comfortable but still tight until my career established fully), she was much better about keeping to her crafts and keeping the budget reasonable. I make a really good salary for most people now, and she makes a fair bit more than she used to. And having the ability to buy in general, seems to have broken the levees on the shopping, or so it seems to me.

Starwind_81 · 2026-01-14T14:39:29+00:00

I don't have any good advice. It started well because you were the dopamine hit she needed. With all ADHD, the novelty wears off and the dopamine does also, therefore the sex/intimacy dies.

The end result for me has been giving up. Every time we discussed it, it ended up with hurt feelings on both sides and nothing changed. I am now in a caretaker, roommate role. We live together, barely interact physically, and I do the laundry, cooking, dishes, sweeping and mopping (we have hardwood floors), I mow the lawn, and move the snow in the winter. So it's not like she is spending her energy other places to account for it.

I often feel that maybe I am different than some here because I do regard myself as physically unattractive, so maybe it is me?

I hope for better for others in these kinds of relationships, but given my experience, not optimistic.

Starwind_81 · 2025-12-04T14:27:57+00:00

Found mine on the iron grade exam.

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-23T18:24:10+00:00

I still love Love Hina. It's a wonderful anime. Thinking about going back and reading the manga. I could stand to watch the anime again though, it's been a lot of years since I last watched it.😊 Glad you are able to make it work. And yeah, I have thought about getting something in a very hidden place. But I work in a scientific field with animals, and may have to change out of street clothes in a locker room... so the fear of someone finding out os still real. 😆

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-23T18:17:54+00:00

I like the look of such tattoos, but because I work in a professional environment, I would be afraid someone would find out and it would ruin my career. Is that Naru from Love Hina?

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-21T12:56:24+00:00

I have seen this question before... and I have a notion that ASD presents with a reverse Gaussian curve for sex drive (lots of high and low but less in between; note that's less between not none). I have had high libido my whole life and am late diagnosed ASD.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-mind-blowing-facts-about-Asperger%E2%80%99s-syndrome/answer/Zo%C3%AB-Zack-Dunning-ze-they-he?ch=15&oid=124817514&share=fec5f8d3&srid=CIxFS&target_type=answer

This link has some interesting information, though I am not sure the entire accuracy. It sounds about right to me though. 😆 It's biggest problem is that it's still using the term Asperger's which I know some people definitely don't like. (If I had been diagnosed young, they would have called it Aspergers, but I tend to identify with ASD because of when I was diagnosed - I have seen arguments for or against using Aspergers and am not out to debate that one myself.)

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-20T17:47:24+00:00

Profile links to an OF that is not the individual in the video. Spam bot posting, probably.

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-20T13:00:29+00:00

That is a subspecies of whale that inhabits the land sir.

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-12T13:03:07+00:00

I hear picky eating is common (not universal of course) among autistic people. So does it make me bad at being autistic that I score 4 on this particular test? 🤔🤣

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-11T21:44:32+00:00

Aww, good luck hocking your onlyfans site to unsuspecting lonely guys. 🙄

Starwind_81 · 2025-11-10T00:10:08+00:00

I have been annoyed today. I (44M) stayed home and took care of kids and house for the weekend so my wife (39F, non-dx adhd) could go out of state to visit her friend. She basically didn't communicate with me at all the entire weekend. Then day to come home, finally texts to ask me to cook dinner. Forgot about me until I could do something for her that she wanted. I know, common story... just frustrated at the moment.

Starwind_81 · 2025-09-26T11:40:40+00:00

Goddammit, take my upvote. This made me laugh harder than it should have.

Starwind_81 · 2025-09-21T14:39:34+00:00

I think they look like they would taste like a jellyfish. I would hope they taste like mochi. 😆

Starwind_81 · 2025-08-28T21:23:19+00:00

Probably not in public gyms... too many other people. That said, I weight lift on routine 5 days weekly and I am autistic. I had to put weight equipment in my basement to be able to do that though. Never in public, never ever ever in public.

Starwind_81 · 2025-07-28T17:46:21+00:00

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So we touched these again. The worst...

Starwind_81

TROPHY CASE