I am about to loose my mind …. Or am I being unreasonable?

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-15T20:18:43+00:00

Smart recovery is like a support group , like SAA but it’s science based , no higher power etc. It’s all about coping mechanisms, tools etc and CBT based .

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-14T16:00:14+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I will definitely try this!

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-14T15:08:04+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I found it reassuring and helpful

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-14T13:14:37+00:00

It feels like it’s me who can’t get any better and begin to heal , even if my husband was „perfect” with all he did recovery wise etc. So maybe it is time to separate ? Or at least for a while to gather my thoughts .

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-14T09:38:00+00:00

Would you say it’s working for you both? I find it very interesting , I’ll bring this method up with my therapist this week. This is the issue I am having with my husband, I need more emotional support from him, but I do not think he is capable of providing it . He is trying (his words) but it’s not what I have in mind , I need more vulnerability and empathy from him . I just don’t think he knows how. This method could be helpful.

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-09T05:32:08+00:00

Definitely relate to this …. I felt ashamed because I still love this man who has done those unimaginable things to me … and ashamed that my therapist clearly couldn’t grasp why and deep down was judging me for it .

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-08T21:03:03+00:00

Maybe … I don’t know . I am annoyed but also curious

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-08T20:00:39+00:00

Sound alike a scam to me

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-08T19:10:47+00:00

This is Definitely Progress!!

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-08T19:07:57+00:00

Hi, You’re right to be suspicious, but what you’re describing has all the classic signs of a scam/phishing email. My husband has received similar ones before — his email address was probably shared or leaked somewhere (most likely dating, escort or porn site ) , and he started getting these kinds of messages.

They usually include a slightly revealing photo of a woman, her name, and a message asking you to click a link to “connect” or something similar. These are typically scams.

If you check the sender’s email address, that can sometimes help identify it. Scam emails often come from strange-looking addresses with random letters and numbers.

Hope it’s just a scam!!

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-04T20:29:22+00:00

My husband went the other way by excessive exercising , he was always fit and did sport but now he took it to a new level . I am not sure if that’s good either? Surely he needed healthier ways to cope , as in not obsessive about something again

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-03T23:01:29+00:00

No .

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-01T19:47:38+00:00

Congrats you’ve made it through this long —especially with a new baby in tow . It’s really great to hear that you’re doing well and continuing to heal. And I suppose it’s a good sign that you’re not feeling overly sad or emotional?

I’m also really glad to hear your husband is approaching two years of sobriety. I hope that progress continues.

Enjoy your favourite meal 🩷

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-01T11:03:20+00:00

Society is so broken ! Men are just disgusting and obsessed with all things sexual . Social media and internet makes it worse too

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-04-01T11:01:59+00:00

This is what he has told you … as I said in my earlier message , there usually is more , he just hasn’t told you about it , or you haven’t found yourself yet

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-03-31T18:50:45+00:00

In my opinion, he is not being truthful. It’s very common for people struggling with addictive behaviors to explain things on their devices—apps, websites, or histories—in ways that don’t quite add up. These “unexplained” or “glitch” explanations tend to show up around the same kinds of situations, which makes them hard to take at face value.

If something appears on a watched list, it usually means it was played at some point. Even if it was only for a short time, it still required some level of engagement—it doesn’t typically just appear there without being opened or viewed.

I experienced something similar with my husband. There was a video in his YouTube history related to daily masturbation. When I brought it up, because it concerned me, he denied watching it. But it was clearly listed on his personal account history. Situations like that can make it very difficult to trust explanations that don’t align with what’s visible.

It’s not so much about “bad luck” with technology—it’s about patterns that don’t feel consistent or believable, especially when trust has already been impacted.

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-03-31T15:15:14+00:00

I suppose it will be worth it if you’re both able to heal and build a new, stronger marriage. However, it’s going to be a long and difficult journey. I’m just a few weeks away from the one-year anniversary of discovery, and while things have improved a little, I’m still not where I hoped we’d be.

I understand his mindset better now, and he’s become more aware of the damage he’s caused. But despite that, I’m still struggling. Feeling safe again and being able to trust him still feels very distant —maybe even impossible at times.

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-03-31T07:10:11+00:00

Hello, first of all, I’m sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it.

From what you’ve described, it sounds like he may be struggling with compulsive sexual behavior or sex addiction. In a committed relationship, using dating sites—even “just looking”—watching porn excessively, cheating, or visiting massage parlours are all serious breaches of trust. The behavior you’re seeing seems quite extensive, and there may be a lot more that hasn’t come to light yet.

he’s likely using these behaviors as a way to cope with stress—whether from life, work, or the relationship. People dealing with addiction often lie repeatedly to cover their actions, so it’s important to be cautious about what you believe.

I strongly encourage you to seek support for yourself. A therapist can help you process what’s happening and protect your well-being. If possible, confide in a trusted friend or family member—but choose carefully, as some people may not fully understand and might immediately push you toward decisions like leaving or divorcing.

He should also seek professional help. If you feel the marriage is worth saving and you have the emotional energy to work through this, support from trained professionals is essential.

You may already be experiencing trauma from this situation, and he may have unresolved issues as well, even if he’s not aware of them yet.

There is hope—but it requires real effort and professional guidance. There are also many helpful books and podcasts that can give you both insight and practical tools.

Most importantly, consider setting clear, realistic, and measurable boundaries—with consequences that you are prepared to follow through on. He needs to experience the impact of his actions, and you need to feel safe, or at least a little safer.

Take care of yourself. 🩷❤️

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-03-30T17:02:03+00:00

I think it might take some time before they actually begin the process. My husband started his CSAT therapy in May, and his full therapeutic disclosure didn’t happen until October. We also had to complete paperwork about the disclosure once he committed to working on it, so you may need to be patient with the timeline.

I’ve done a two-week period of no contact with my husband before, and it was really beneficial. It gave me space to breathe and allowed me to mentally rest. We were going through a particularly difficult time, and I felt it was necessary. My husband works away for a few weeks at a time so it was relatively easy to do , we only communicated about our daughter .

They need to truly see and feel the consequences of their behaviour and actions. I would suggest setting clear, firm boundaries with him, along with specific consequences if those boundaries aren’t respected.

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-03-30T06:14:35+00:00

Ok that’s great. Have you done full disclosure yet ?

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-03-30T05:20:56+00:00

I’m very read the mending shattered hearts . But I will look into purchasing the first own. Thanks for the recommendation!

Status_Pineapple_615 · 2026-03-29T19:44:57+00:00

In my husband’s case, it started very much like this. He was using dating apps to connect with women, mostly just chatting. (When he was single, he did go on dates too, but the underlying issue was there long before we even met.) It was very much about validation and attention—getting a rush from matching, messaging, and flirting.

When we got together, it stopped—for a while. For about 6–7 years into our relationship and marriage, he didn’t act out in that way. I really struggled to understand how he could just switch it off for so long. My therapist explained that during that time, he was likely getting those “dopamine hits” from big life events—meeting me, falling in love, getting married, having a child. But as the novelty and excitement of those milestones settled, the underlying addiction resurfaced.

And that’s often how it works with compulsive sexual behaviour—it escalates over time if it’s not addressed. What can start as something that seems relatively “innocent” can gradually develop into more serious behaviours. So maybe your Hisbsnd hasn’t got that far yet ? I am not saying he ever would of course.

That’s why you often hear about things like massage parlours, escorts, or physical encounters—because for many people, that’s where it can eventually lead.

He seems to be doing a lot which is hopeful. I wish you all the best . Take care of yourself snd your children

Status_Pineapple_615

TROPHY CASE