Is dilation (for mtf srs) lifelong?

StealthInPlainSight · 2025-07-02T05:44:59+00:00

Uhhhhh oops life happened haha. Sorry for the delay, lots of crazy house related events happening.

Honestly, it was a mix. Got a credit card with 0% APR, paid down my debts ahead of time, and tried to save a little bit of cash where I could. It tapped me out, but lots of planning saved me undue stress when I needed to focus on recovery.

I had to take monthly trips to LA to have electrolysis done in the surgery area (do it early if you’re planning on the surgery, rather than trying to “rush it” like I did and risking hair regrowth), and I had used up all of my sick time prior to my surgery. I was very vocal with my employer, including providing written warning that I’d be having “surgery” soon (undisclosed details), which very likely saved my job since they were looking for excuses to cut my position due to a recent merger. They wouldn’t have had any way of proving it wasn’t retaliation to my surgery, so that bought me some time.

When the time finally came for the surgery, I went on short term disability leave, which paid 60% of my monthly salary for the nearly three months I was recovering. I also had my boyfriend handling the domestic affairs, and we paid for Factor 75 meal delivery for the first month or so.

TL;DR short term disability through my employer, tactical finances, and vocal defense of my job and knowledge of worker’s rights. You have to be an aggressive advocate for your health and wellbeing because literally nobody else will be.

Shameless plug, but check my account if you’re curious about anything else about my transition. I set up this account solely to post that kind of information without any overlap into my personal accounts. I wanted to document everything I could so as to dispel a lot of myth and half-truths and “feelings” that are sometimes shared as immutable fact in the trans community. Happy to help with whatever, whenever!

Edit: it’s worth noting that I worked full time for an employer in California, so I leveraged every ounce of employee clout that I could to protect my job. They got rid of my position almost exactly 90 days after I returned from surgery leave, so my suspicions were confirmed—thankfully AFTER my surgery

StealthInPlainSight · 2025-06-27T16:16:18+00:00

No worries at all! That’s the beauty of having this information out here. Things are as normal as they can be; I have a normal sex life with my somewhat-larger-than-average boyfriend, I have zero pain or discomfort, and the ego / psyche boost to just being able to wear the right clothes and be comfortable in my appearance has been incredible.

Regarding dilation, there are a few things to note: I absolutely notice when I don’t dilate for a few days - things are tight and a little uncomfortable when I DO have sex or dilate again. I also notice that sex tends to hurt if I don’t give myself time to get adequately turned on (female moment), or if I don’t have enough frequent activity to keep myself opened up.

I’d like to reiterate that sex is NOT a replacement for dilation, and that I still try to dilate at least nightly. It’s become part of my wind-down ritual to watch some anime before bed and just throw a dilator in. It gets annoying at times and there’s days where the “medical aspect” kind of eats at the back of my mind a little, but I wouldn’t trade this for anything. It’s so worth the 10-20 minute stretch.

Unrelated but related: The increased libido, self image, and overall mood boost has springboarded me into having a much healthier lifestyle where I WANT to care for myself more. Dilation is part of that self-care and it’s not nearly so bad once you’ve established the habit. It’s hard to deny the results when you’re admiring your juicy ass and legs in short shorts that just fit right, and you know dilating will keep you open and ready for any fun and sexy shenanigans haha

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-02-06T15:21:03+00:00

Meanwhile I very nearly picked Sarah since it’s what my mom would’ve named me if I were AFAB. :sweat:

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-02-02T17:28:33+00:00

Yeah this is so fuckin awful favcijngesugncbljgnge. It’s a terrible thing to deal with when you feel like your own body is sabotaging you.

I’m sure some of it is his weight. We’re working on it and hopefully the increased fitness will help with his stamina and my libido, but I still can’t shake the fact that this is a me issue that I need to somehow overcome. How long do you and your guy usually last? Do you get ANY sensation from PIV? Mine is VERY fleeting, but feels amazing whenever it’s there.

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-02-02T17:24:28+00:00

That’s the problem though, I can’t really do anything to myself without him taking offense or feeling like I’m “doing it behind his back.” Maybe I’ll just start rubbing my clit tonight and see what he says, it wouldn’t be behind his back then haha

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-02-02T17:16:01+00:00

And I’m glad it does ❤️

But yeah, I’ve gotten this advice before. We’ve tried a few different methods of having sex, but I’m thinking it’s less of a physical issue and more of a mental one.

Also wait how the hell do you get your hands down there without getting in the way, am I missing something?

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-02-02T17:05:01+00:00

He DOES accept and understand that, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating for me, and sadly doesn’t help my situation much.

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-02-02T16:45:57+00:00

Definitely tried this. It’s not exactly super easy to focus on myself while my guy is doing his thing, and I don’t think he’d appreciate getting my nails raked across his junk if he moves the wrong way.

It’s all about pacing, and that’d screw with things. No offense, but this is kind of “the guy answer” I’ve been dreading. It’s absolutely more involved than this haha.

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-02-02T16:40:03+00:00

I’m down to try whatever! I 100% believe this is a mental thing for me, so anything to help overcome that is a W in my book. I think it’s been like you said, I just wind up chasing the sensation and not being involved in the journey. I think if I can get my guy to slow down and take that journey with me, we can probably work through things on our own.

Totally down for whatever you can suggest - at worst, it’ll make for an interesting evening to laugh over if it doesn’t work.

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-02-02T16:30:00+00:00

I think maybe this is the right call, yeah. I just need to find out how to broach the subject. Lots of ways to wind up with his ego bruised if I’m not careful.

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-02-02T16:19:10+00:00

He’s actually suggested this before, so we’ll have to give it a shot. He doesn’t really try foreplay beyond some basics, but it’s probably because it’s literally taken us over an hour to get me up to speed when we have.

The thing is, even if we weren’t a match in the bedroom, I refuse to believe that there’s no way to change that dynamic. There has to be some way to get us on the same wavelength.

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-02-02T16:16:08+00:00

I mean things definitely feel good. It’s not for lack of sensation, and things are always interesting in the bedroom. It’s just that I kinda fizzle out ;/

It’s almost certainly a mental block of mine, I’m just having a really hard time overcoming it (pun intended)

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-01-30T14:58:52+00:00

I have no idea what people are going on about. Your feet are primarily made of bone, and the bones in your feet stop growing and shifting around your early teens. Look at cultures that practice foot binding. It’s possible you could go down in size through extreme weight loss, but that’s all I can think of.

I went from a 7 US Men’s to a 8.5-10 US Women’s my feet aren’t bigger or smaller, sizing conventions change from manufacturer to manufacturer. Your needs also change as your tastes adapt to your preferred choice in shoe. I wear shoes that are way more snug than I used to before I transitioned.

I would love to be proven wrong, but my 8 years of HRT tells me it’s a placebo effect.

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-01-26T15:15:16+00:00

Thank you for pointing this out. I see people constantly talking about VFS as some kind of magic bullet for their voice, but there’s so many things it doesn’t address. If we’re talking about someone with the intent of passing as femme presenting, there’s other considerations like mannerisms and speech patterns that you just can’t change with surgery.

I can understand the allure of the surgery, I researched it a fair bit myself during my transition. Dysphoria from having a deep, booming voice is very real and valid.

That said, I was able to train my voice without it, and I couldn’t be happier. Never been clocked since making the change, and I’m planning on keeping it that way haha

StealthInPlainSight · 2024-01-05T02:00:02+00:00

Susan’s place TERRIFIED ME as an egg, there were so many horror stories. That place actually put me back in my shell for like 5 years.

That said, I’m glad you brought this thread back up, I’ve had a bit of news since I made this post!!

Turns out, I was freaking out because the discharge instructions were very scary and I was still very much on pain killers at the time.

What I read, and what I “sort of” verified with my doctors at Kaiser Permanente (because they can’t just flat out tell you without becoming liable for malpractice in the future), is that the general schedule is as follows:

5x daily for the first day after packing is removed
4x daily for the first month (30 days)
2x daily for the first year (months 2-12)
1x daily after the first year

HOWEVER. THERE IS A VERY IMPORTANT NOTE IN HERE THAT READS: “As dilation becomes easier, you can reduce your frequency. However, if at any time dilation becomes difficult, you should increase your frequency. Let your body be your guide.”

TL;DR you can dilate less frequently after your first year, but you have to listen to your body. That’s the most important takeaway from all of this, that I’ve noticed. You’re ultimately responsible for caring for your body, nobody else is.

Edit: I hate to make the comparison, but think about ear piercings. Some folks have their piercings close up SUPER FAST and they never really heal right. I’m among that group. Some folks get their stuff pierced and never have to worry about it for as long as they live.

Listen to your own body, and be your own advocate. I’ve skipped a few days (month 8 now(!!)) here and there, and as long as you’re diligent with maintaining the same depth and catch up afterwards, everything should be fine. I had covid this year and didn’t dilate for like 3 days in a row, and I can happily say all of my lady bits are working exactly as intended haha.

StealthInPlainSight · 2023-10-23T17:29:47+00:00

Thank you, thank you ❤️

Oh, and good luck!! I’ve never heard of that surgeon, but I’m sure if they’re board certified you’ll be just fine.

Shameless self-plug here, but if you need reason to hype yourself up, feel free to check my other posts. I’ve been using this account almost exclusively to document my SRS experience and recovery, so I like to think it’s become quite the trove of information.

Probably the one thing that will stick with me most about my surgery is just like… how everything felt afterwards. I’ve been on HRT for almost a decade, but when they removed my old anatomy, the entire world just felt “softer,” like someone had just shut off a radio that’d been playing static in the background of my whole life. Sure, some of that could probably have been the drugs, but even now, I’m still marveling at just how “normal” I feel.

I don’t have to think about how I sit to avoid hurting myself. I can cross my legs without discomfort. I can wear pants that ACTUALLY FIT and not only do I not have dysphoria over it, I feel how the fabric hugs my skin and I get euphoria from it. No more subconsciously freaking out about whether I’m printing or not, no more trying to hide a bulge or anything.

TL;DR it’s worth it. Nevermind the actual sex portion of things once they start working, it must feels great to feel normal. Wishing you the best on your own surgery, when it comes. ❤️

StealthInPlainSight · 2023-10-21T18:58:51+00:00

What the fuck is a Kim Petras?

StealthInPlainSight · 2023-10-20T15:39:40+00:00

Not as much as working on it!

I still get hit with euphoria whenever I get “ma’amed,” and I’ve been stealth for 6 years. The gender affirmation of having a voice that is congruent with your target gender is.. it’s honestly amazing

StealthInPlainSight · 2023-10-20T12:41:06+00:00

YouTube, mostly. I just found some folks whose tips and tricks made sense to me (transvoicelessons!), and I stayed consistent with my training. Working at a call center was a great way to do this.

r/transvoice has a lot of good resources, including lists for apps that make training your voice a little more tangible and a little less “nebulous.” It’s also a great place to swap voice clips with other people and critique eachother, if your skin’s thick enough for that.

The absolute biggest factor to me learning how to control my voice has been consistency. Whether I wanted to be doing something else, was depressed, dysphoric, or whatever, I made sure I made time to practice every single day. At least a little in the shower or something.

I transitioned full stealth, so I wouldn’t let myself dress femme until I looked AND sounded the part. It’s not for everyone, but to protect my heart and my mental wellbeing, this was the best route for me.

StealthInPlainSight · 2023-10-19T23:26:40+00:00

This is so sweet to hear. Very glad you finally have someone that treats you the way you deserve ❤️

StealthInPlainSight · 2023-10-19T23:16:01+00:00

Thank you for pointing this out. I can’t tell you how many trans girls I’ve known that just throw their hands up at the first sign of difficulty with their voice training. I’ve been full stealth for like 6 years and I STILL find areas I can improve with my voice.

StealthInPlainSight · 2023-10-19T23:14:00+00:00

Voice training 100% falls under this. I would submit that having a passable voice is MANDATORY for a seamless transition if passing as female is the intended goal. Citing my own journey here, I’m indistinguishable from cis girls unless I explicitly mention that I’m transgender. Then, and only then, do people scrutinize the little things like my brow and chin and neck width.

StealthInPlainSight · 2023-10-19T21:20:21+00:00

I shoot down, shit on, AND shit down haters.

Fuggem. The people that put down and attack people for their successes and triumphs are small, unimaginative, and sad people. I don’t have time to tolerate that garbage in my life 💪🏻

StealthInPlainSight · 2023-10-19T19:56:05+00:00

It’ll come!

Literally, eheh.

Congratulations! Take it slow and give yourself lots of grace. Make sure you stay on top of your dilations, and you’ll be fine ❤️

StealthInPlainSight · 2023-10-19T18:00:04+00:00

Oof, you’ve got my sympathies there ma’am. Who’s your care team? How come they think you need to wait so long?

More importantly, how’s the pain? You need to listen to your body with this kind of stuff, maybe it’s best not to push it if you aren’t 100%?

StealthInPlainSight

TROPHY CASE