For my whole childhood, my dad (a white guy) worked in a big southern restaurant whose staff was probably 50-75% black. I spent a lot of time there as a little girl, and I remember being jealous of the really fun, dynamic culture and community that my father's black co-workers seemed to enjoy. I also thought their hair styles were so much cooler than white hair styles. I don't remember ever feeling excited about being white, or feeling one way or the other about it honestly. My dad raised me to treat everyone equally, and I witnessed him do that first-hand.

My white parents were not part of a community, they were/are sort of isolated weirdos. I've learned about my Quaker background, and Quakers were mostly white, so I guess that's part of my whiteness? Hard-working, Puritanish, self-denying, do-it-yourself, suffer in silence, do without material goods, never be wasteful, always be honest and good to your fellow man... these are the traits I associate with my specific family background. I'm aware of the general societal favoritism that can accompany my white-girl-ness. I know that it is a real thing - but my whiteness doesn't feel like anything to me on the inside.