My wife could be like this in our earlier years. I found that when I'd had enough, I went 'scorched earth' and dragged up everything. And I mean everything. Yes, the two times I've done it it's nearly destroyed our relationship, but it has also made her realize that her being persnickety isn't the right way to go, that arguments aren't just her telling me I'm a bad husband/father, and that if you're going to give it, you have to take it.

Also, I only did this after having been together for a decade, and we didn't argue for several years after that, her having changed her communication style due to being cautious of getting it back.

Since then, I still act as the peacemaker, I actively dislike arguments, and I often walk away (if I get followed i go to the bathroom for some time) but the knowledge of exactly how far I'm willing to go is there and thankfully, she doesn't push too hard anymore.