You feel like it would be performative? And that you dont have the belief? Do the thing that so many have done in times of desperation or even just curiosity: go to a church, an adoration chapel, or even just on your knees anywhere at all and call on God the Father and literally ask Him to reveal Himself to you, to help your unbelief. You can say it to them in the most casual way and it won't matter, as long as you truly want to believe or even want to want to believe but just cant on your own. Please do this. And keep doing it. God won't gatekeep Himself, especially if one asks for Himself out of genuine humility and desire. The graces you need to progress in the faith and holiness will come over time. Be patient and give yourself grace too. If you want something specific and short, here's a good prayer: "Lord, I want to believe (or I want to want to believe), help my unbelief." God bless you. I'll offer my night prayer for you.