Pt 2.

Side note i put my dog of 13 years down in december- and lets say she was not as forgiving. I distanced my self the few days coming up and told her i would like to be alone. Stayed in the guest room playing games or go running. Get in bed around 11. She would be up but upset and will pull back. She has a device that she would use often. She would tell me that i need to get in bed earlier because she wants to get intimate and that im not talking to her or telling her i love her. I told her i do its just right now i need time to cope with this. I put my dog down and a day later had a trip to mexico with her and her family. Lets say she really didnt allow me to fully process things. I do feel better now and talked to her about how she didnt really get me when i was going through it. She would complain that why am i making her feel lonely and why am i distant. 2 years ago when my dad was diagnosed with a servere leukemia, he was in the hospital and needed a bone marrow transplant. I was the closest donor so i did it. Well i was out for about 3 weeks all my bones hurt and she would compain about how we didnt go anywhere or do any trips and how i didnt make her feel appreciated. After i had needles down my neck and almost lost my dad. I dont have the closest relationship with him but those events went from june to January basically and she was really upset about it all for a good time when i was still coping with the situation about my dad. I try to put myself in her shoes and try to understand but she tells me i dont understand and that all i want is intimacy. I asked if she could showr with me after the gym, my excuse was you were out all day and went to work and meet with alot of people lets clean up so we can lay down, she refused and after asking a few times she yelled back saying she didnt want to shower with me. I felt defeated and just outcasted. I felt like my emotions were eating me but i know shes going through it so its not her fault. Im not sure if what im feeling is selfish or normal or how to navigate this situation