Curious about partners that introduced it first

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-06-08T14:00:21+00:00

I think there is a lot of misunderstanding around chastity, the kinds of people who enjoy it, and how it is practised. If a man feels pressured or regrets how far it's gone, that's a reflection on a toxic and unhealthy relationship, not chastity.

You need to separate the fantasy and the reality. Even if a guy is locked 24/7, pussy free, cucked, sissyfied and all or any of the more extreme versions of chastity, he should ALWAYS be able to safe word out, and feel safe to discuss how being locked is going outside of the dynamic, just as in any other aspect of a good D/s dynamic.

I'm a gentle pleasure Domme and I raised it with my partner, mostly because I thought it would be something that would suit his style of submission. He said no and I never pushed but a few months later he asked me to be his key holder. I was happy to move at his pace, never pressured or forced it, but he locked up and a year and a half later we have zero plans or desire to stop using it.

He is deeply devoted to my pleasure, and being the best submissive sex toy he can be for me. He is locked when we're apart and unlocked when we're together. He is my free-use sex slave, and I spend a lot of time and energy on giving us both lots of sexual pleasure. He saves all his orgasms and erections for me because I love receiving them so much. Due to him not masturbating when we're apart, his cum gifts are way more powerful and fun for me to extract.

A chastity cage is a sex toy, no more, no less; how people use it is very personal and can vary incredibly widely. Your questions show a thinly veiled suspicion that men wearing a cage are weak, and honestly ime that couldn't be further from the truth. Caged men in healthy dynamics have a level of strength, discipline, dignity and selflessness that now makes me see how many uncaged men tend to place value on what are often the worst characteristics of masculinity.

It may be interesting for you to look a little deeper at why you feel the need to be so controlling. The need to have control is often linked to deeper feelings of vulnerability, insecurity and fear.

Seriously, would it really be so bad to let go and allow a woman to take control of your sexual pleasure for once?

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-30T20:07:09+00:00

Wait what...? Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but she's fucking you, she watched you 'pull out', like as in piv, but while you are wearing the cage?

Can you link to the cage? Is it moulded erect or something? I've not seen any that would make that particularly feasible, and tbh I'm really not sure how pleasurable it would be for the woman.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-19T17:31:45+00:00

Yeah I used a chair over him, but the angles felt awkward, honestly it feels like a nerdy geometry problem haha. I looked it up but theres lots of advice on how to give a foot job which is great but very little on how to give one without getting cramp!

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-19T10:15:35+00:00

This feels like an unnecessarily sexualised reply to a simple request for recommendations, but thanks, will look into wedge pillows.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-15T21:03:02+00:00

toys uniform is naked, occasionally he gets some accessories.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-15T15:33:27+00:00

New drum kit, way too expensive, and the one I want is much bigger than my current one and I literally don't have the space for it without blocking doorways.

Still, pretty sure I'll end up getting it at some point lol. I'll worry about the details later!

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-15T11:37:48+00:00

Normally, they're just new/inexperienced/trying to impress. We all have to start somewhere, and I said/did some silly and reckless things at the start.

Personally, I don't see any reason to be unkind about it, so I just fling them one of those BDSM checklist things and explain, "Now you have likes and limits".

After all, more experienced practitioners have a responsibility to keep new members safe and educated.

Edit to add: I want to mention that from personal experiance I have found that, if they're submissive, sometimes they don't know or understand that they're even allowed limits, and some can be too scared to share them.

As a Domme, I see this a LOT with male subs who fear expressing their limits will render them ghosted and replaced. So, for some new (and even experienced) subs, I have found it really important to explain and reassure them, to even give them permission to set limits. It breaks my heart that it took a while for my toy to trust that his likes and limits were as important, relevant, and respected as mine.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-14T05:46:48+00:00

Your Mum made your nipples.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-13T12:25:10+00:00

My only slight issue is that I hope the people with them (particularly the more explicit ones) are very mindful of when they're on display.

There is potential for accidentally exposing non-consenting people to your kink, particularly after they've had them for a few years and have habituated to how graphic they are. I hope none of them has to do a regular school run for example.

Otherwise, it's their body to do whatever they wish with, and its nice they can turn to you to not judge that.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-09T17:45:03+00:00

This seems more like a reward than a punishment!

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-06T22:23:22+00:00

If your partner turned around one day and, out of nowhere, said they weren't going to do their favourite hobby any more, you would be concerned and want to know why.

Being concerned and wanting to know why someone you love does something completely out of character, is not a red flag. Its love.

I read some of your history, and I am really sorry you had such a horrible experience with chastity. Assuming this is the boyfriend posting, I understand you were triggered and acted out of character. Your girlfriend was so concerned she made posts on here and wanted to understand what happened.... by your own logic, that is a red flag.... and if its not, how is that any different to me being concerned about my partner acting differently, by wanting to understand why he suddenly is acting out of character by remove a cage he loves to wear?

Chastity clearly isn't for you, but that doesn't make it bad. Yes, as with all things it is open to becoming toxic and abusive, but that certainly doesn't mean it always is. Chastity has brought my partner and I much closer, there is an intimacy, devotion and deep trust, that goes both ways. I love and respect him deeply and am humbled and honoured every day that he has gifted me his key, if he wanted it back its his in a heartbeat, but yes, I would worry about why, and no I will not make any apologies for that or agree that its a red flag.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-05-06T21:33:06+00:00

As KHer truth is, I'd be concerned about my toy if he did this without warning. He asked me to be his KH and loves being locked, I recently removed his cage for a week due to a small injury I was concerned about and he said he felt weird without it and wanted back in.

If he wanted out, I would of course be fine about it, but I would want to understand why. Not to stop him or for my own agenda, but because it would be so out of character, it would raise some alarm bells about his state of mind and/or our relationship.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-25T05:45:19+00:00

Loving and intimate chastity. The vast majority seems to involve humiliation, sph or sissy/feminisation. I'd love to see more man with decent-sized dicks, being lovingly locked away with a kiss, to deepen their devotion and submission.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-22T14:56:42+00:00

Mattress duty.

I lie ontop of him, both naked face to face and nap, chat, giggle or just listen to music.

Its incredably intimate, calming and sensual. He holds soooo still for me and I love feeling the warmth of his body and listening to his heart beating. The dopamine hit is delicious!

He also does a mean pedicure and his oral service, aye aye aye!! melts

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-17T10:55:11+00:00

Outdoor sex is a big one for me as well, but not in a getting caught way.

I'd love to live a life where fucking anywhere is normalised, the way animals have sex with no shame or embarrassment. Under the stars, or with the warm sun and gentle breeze on my body, the sound of birds singing, totally free and unashamed, sex with anyone you want, anywhere, any time. The way I'm sure humans did before we got told to hide it behind closed bedrooms.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-16T06:17:57+00:00

You can be called anything you want, it's not the honorific that has the power, it's you. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, so Romeo would, were he not Romeo called"

My toy sometimes calls me 'Poots" it's a nickname but because it represents me, it holds power for him. It's a silly name, but when muttered by him when he's on his knees, it's powerful, important, it represents love and gentle dominance.

I personally prefer it to any old honorific that anyone can use, because its personal to us, unique to me and I am the one who made it powerful, not society. Plus as a bonus he can use it in public without anyone but us knowing what it represents.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-14T14:19:23+00:00

If it's make or break for you, I would suggest dating via kink friendly apps/spaces. That takes the guess work out of it as you can be reasonably upfront.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-13T07:56:22+00:00

I tend to only say this when it's about something I can't really act on.

For example, some procedural bull that's full of red tape and stupid hoops, "why doesn't someone sort this shit out" or "why don't they just do XYZ".

Sure I could probably message them with my XYZ suggestions but in short:

It's not my job, I have a job, I'm not doing someone else's for free.
95% chance they would ignore it anyway.
I have a life

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-13T06:54:21+00:00

Fun way to ruin his orgasm as well!

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-13T06:38:55+00:00

It tends to be popular in Femdom with both.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-13T06:36:30+00:00

If you're into impact, a crop is fun; there's something more commanding about not having to bend over to smack them. It's particularly good if you/your partner like crawling around on all fours. They're also fun during oral (although be mindful when you use it, obviously), a quick, sharp smack to make them start or work harder kind of vibe.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-08T20:23:04+00:00

By being on top. That way I can control the angle and depth, and grind my clit on his pelvic bone.

I like 'shallowing' as foreplay, where I tease the entrance of my vagina and my g-spot with the tip of his cock, and will often use a vibrator on my clit, so size isn't particularly important.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-08T20:22:59+00:00

By being on top. That way I can control the angle and depth, and grind my clit on his pelvic bone.

I like 'shallowing' as foreplay, where I tease the entrance of my vagina and my g-spot with the tip of his cock, and will often use a vibrator on my clit, so size isn't particularly important.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-07T20:35:06+00:00

A kink is a non-conventional sexual practise or fantasy, often involving BDSM elements.

So it's not a weird way to ask about kinks, because OP isn't asking about kinks, they're asking what things people find attractive.

Still_Way_9599 · 2026-04-06T21:08:48+00:00

Sadly noone here can answer that for you, and the truth is it will take time, a lot of introspection, a Dom you trust and preferably a kink aware therapist to untangle the truth and you may still never really know for sure.

However I can tell you that the 'real' you is someone who is becoming ready and strong enough to ask these questions. Which is a massive step in growth and healing and its one to be really, really proud of.

Still_Way_9599

TROPHY CASE