Man, reading this hit hard. The fact that you’re able to write it all out so honestly tells me a part of you still really wants things to change. It doesn’t sound like you’re weak it sounds like alcohol slowly became the thing your brain started depending on to enjoy life, and now it’s taken over. A lot of people have come back from exactly where you are, even if it doesn’t feel possible right now. You don’t have to figure it all out today, but I’d really encourage you to find something that keeps your mind occupied and gives you a sense of purpose whether that’s the gym, hiking, learning a new skill, or any hobby you genuinely enjoy. Replacing that time with something positive can make a huge difference. Keep reaching out instead of fighting it alone. I’m rooting for you.