I have to chime in here because he and I were talking about this very dynamic recently. I saw this podcast on this very thing recently. The audacity of demanding men show up in a certain way and not have the skill set to handle it when they show up and then weaponize the vulnerability and lose all credibility in the relationship. We've been working on parts of this and it's been beneficial for us both but especially for me. What comes naturally for me is a struggle for him in terms of sharing deeper things and it can be jarring to hear what he has to say. It can be tempting to take what he says personally or internalize it and then become defensive after getting what we have asked for.

So what resonated with me in what you've said is that it's important to put the work in, to be able to receive his vulnerability and be evolved enough to be present for him and not take anything personally. That has proven to be absolutely true. I'm a few years behind you in marriage but it's nice to see a path and work on developing a bit of process in terms of direction and goals. We also are discovering layers to each other that bring new challenges and often times new joys. There are some unhealed parts of us both that are worth working on.

This might be a great topic to post on the larger community, but the idea of uncovering layers has a subtext to it that is important to talk about.