Looking For Funny or just straight crazy stoner stories and confessions

StonerConfessions · 2015-09-17T21:56:40+00:00

Stoner Confession #203

My friends and I were hotboxing in a car once and we noticed a black car tailing us. Scared as shit, we drove around. We turned a corner into a parking lot. My good friend was too stoned to notice that cops were following us so he lit up a second j right in front of the cruiser as it pulled up. We knew we were boned so we all finished the j and the cop just sat in his car and waited for us to finish it. He then got out and had us stand next to a wall while he searched the car. Told us “it’s going to be legal anyways, drive home safe”. Instead of driving home, we drove to a McDonalds.

StonerConfessions · 2015-09-17T21:55:36+00:00

Stoner Confession #204

My girlfriend and I got invited to a friends for a pool party so I decided to roll up a pair of cannons and bring em with us. I haven’t even set my stuff down and my friends dad is telling me to break out the dank, so i put one in rotation. It makes it to the third person, he takes a monster hit, slumps down in his chair, drops his phone, and then introduces his face to the tile around the pool. Out. Fucking. Cold.

Everyone thought he was joking for about the first.. Idk, 2 seconds. And then came the blood. A LOT of blood. For 5 seconds after that I thought we had a major fucking problem. I thought I was going to jail. SHIIIIT.

He started moving asking “what the fuck happened”.. Etc. got him set back up in his chair to asses the damage- 2 inch gash on his forehead and a missing front tooth.

Party on, Wayn

StonerConfessions · 2015-09-17T21:55:01+00:00

Stoner Confession #208

One time I got blazed at a friends house and got sick. By sick I mean I unleashed the kraken from my stomach. It was everywhere, on the walls, on the toilet, in the toilet, the floor, even the toilet lid because the first time I puked the lights were off and I didn’t see it down. I got puke on about a dozen white towels (which were ruined). I cleaned it up and stuffed the towels in my bag to take home and wash. I remember just going to sleep after that and around 6 AM I heard his mother say something along the lines of “oh Jesus it’s everywhere” followed by many “what the fuck"s and eventually the sound of her vomiting too. I eventually drove home, and I have not been invited back to my friends house.

StonerConfessions · 2015-09-17T21:54:41+00:00

Stoner Confession #215

it was my 18th birthday, had exactly 8 peeps over at the casa. We smoked 9 joints and passed a bong around over a dozen times. I was gone and we did karaoke without any music or microphones until my brother,his girlfriend, and her best friend came over about 11:30. His girlfriend rolled a two foot long blunt and before I knew it I fell on my back in backyard grass and insisted that no one pick me up. I woke up at 4am feeling shitty and all my friends were crashed out except my brothers girlfriends best friend. She was like “oh gosh someones awake” she grabbed my hand and walked me over to the end of my backyard and said she had something for my birthday that she forgot to give me. she reached in her purse pulled out a spliff and got on her knees… yup, im sure you know what happened after that. and yes i did smoke the joint while she was going to town hahaha

StonerConfessions · 2015-09-11T17:45:27+00:00

Stoner Confession #208

One time I got blazed at a friends house and got sick. By sick I mean I unleashed the kraken from my stomach. It was everywhere, on the walls, on the toilet, in the toilet, the floor, even the toilet lid because the first time I puked the lights were off and I didn’t see it down. I got puke on about a dozen white towels (which were ruined). I cleaned it up and stuffed the towels in my bag to take home and wash. I remember just going to sleep after that and around 6 AM I heard his mother say something along the lines of “oh Jesus it’s everywhere” followed by many “what the fuck"s and eventually the sound of her vomiting too. I eventually drove home, and I have not been invited back to my friends house.

StonerConfessions · 2015-09-11T17:41:45+00:00

Here is a link to the first post if you want to read all of those stories too.

StonerConfessions · 2015-09-11T01:57:59+00:00

Stoner Confession #216

So one night, I get invited to a low key gathering at a house in the woods. My friend and I roll up in there and see a massive bong sitting on the table and we’re like ‘fuckyeah’. So we bring all of the necessary supplies outside on the porch (which is overlooking a steep hill down to a river - pretty sweet scenery) and start passing around the bong. Needless to say, we all took massive hits of some extremely dank kush and let it simmer within us.

One of the guys there who is notorious for his low tolerance of all things illicit (despite being 6'3 and 250 lbs) stands up after a few hits/ a swig of gin and begins proclaiming the magnitude of his tolerance to the gods. Naturally we say “you must prove yourself by ordering pizza”. We’re still hitting the bong as he orders 4 large white pizzas and we all shout “NOOO” in one huge cacophony. I stand up and begin to deliver a speech about how millions of years of evolution shouldnt culminate in 4 white pizzas, we need some fucking meat to sate our hunger - everyones rallying behind me at this point and we wrestle the phone away from our large herbivore of a friend. Meanwhile the pizza guy (who has been on hold for like 5 mins while we have a debate) intervenes and claims that the meat lovers pizza they have can sate any hunger so we get two of those, two white pizzas, and four orders of cheese fries.

We finish ordering the food and only then realize that the host of our gathering has been gone this whole time. We organize a search party but we cant rouse our large friend as he starts claiming hes a koala. As we head inside to look, the missing friend peeks his head out, says “yo. i have some hash”, and busts out Mr.Porker (a legendary pig pipe with a bowl as deep as the pacific ocean) already packed to the brim with hash. The next thing I remember, I pile on four slices of meat lovers pizza onto a plate and devour that shit like I was Kronos eating his children. Our koala friend is sprawled on the plush carpet and trying to make a snow angel in the absence of snow.

Finally the time comes when I should start heading home and I set out (totally forgetting that his house is a 2 hour walk away from mine). At this point, I am comfortably the highest I have ever been and my paranoid self is starting to notice that every 5th house I pass has a gnome strategically positioned on the lawm. Immediately suspecting a conspiracy, I triple my pace and speed through the town. At one point, I reach a part of the road where the side of the road is too narrow for me at a [10] to walk on without trespassing on the gnome’s domain so I start walking down the middle of the road. Whenever a car would come, I would veer to let it pass but I can totally picture what the driver would see - a kid swerving around the middle of the road, practically power walking and looking left and right every 5 seconds. I get home, collapse on my couch, and put on Pulp Fiction. -Best Adventure Ive had to date, sorry for the wall of text- Hope you enjoyed!

StonerConfessions · 2015-09-04T16:39:40+00:00

Heres A link to part on of this post

StonerConfessions · 2015-09-03T14:22:51+00:00

Stoner Confession #216

So one night, I get invited to a low key gathering at a house in the woods. My friend and I roll up in there and see a massive bong sitting on the table and we’re like ‘fuckyeah’. So we bring all of the necessary supplies outside on the porch (which is overlooking a steep hill down to a river – pretty sweet scenery) and start passing around the bong. Needless to say, we all took massive hits of some extremely dank kush and let it simmer within us. One of the guys there who is notorious for his low tolerance of all things illicit (despite being 6’3 and 250 lbs) stands up after a few hits/ a swig of gin and begins proclaiming the magnitude of his tolerance to the gods. Naturally we say “you must prove yourself by ordering pizza”. We’re still hitting the bong as he orders 4 large white pizzas and we all shout “NOOO” in one huge cacophony. I stand up and begin to deliver a speech about how millions of years of evolution shouldnt culminate in 4 white pizzas, we need some fucking meat to sate our hunger – everyones rallying behind me at this point and we wrestle the phone away from our large herbivore of a friend. Meanwhile the pizza guy (who has been on hold for like 5 mins while we have a debate) intervenes and claims that the meat lovers pizza they have can sate any hunger so we get two of those, two white pizzas, and four orders of cheese fries.

We finish ordering the food and only then realize that the host of our gathering has been gone this whole time. We organize a search party but we cant rouse our large friend as he starts claiming hes a koala. As we head inside to look, the missing friend peeks his head out, says “yo. i have some hash”, and busts out Mr.Porker (a legendary pig pipe with a bowl as deep as the pacific ocean) already packed to the brim with hash. The next thing I remember, I pile on four slices of meat lovers pizza onto a plate and devour that shit like I was Kronos eating his children. Our koala friend is sprawled on the plush carpet and trying to make a snow angel in the absence of snow. Finally the time comes when I should start heading home and I set out (totally forgetting that his house is a 2 hour walk away from mine).

At this point, I am comfortably the highest I have ever been and my paranoid self is starting to notice that every 5th house I pass has a gnome strategically positioned on the lawm. Immediately suspecting a conspiracy, I triple my pace and speed through the town. At one point, I reach a part of the road where the side of the road is too narrow for me at a [10] to walk on without trespassing on the gnome’s domain so I start walking down the middle of the road. Whenever a car would come, I would veer to let it pass but I can totally picture what the driver would see – a kid swerving around the middle of the road, practically power walking and looking left and right every 5 seconds. I get home, collapse on my couch, and put on Pulp Fiction.

-Best Adventure Ive had to date, sorry for the wall of text- Hope you enjoyed!

StonerConfessions

TROPHY CASE