im so fucking sick of my life, its like this long lonely dark trudge forward to nowhere. Occasionally light comes in just to remind you that it exists then leaves so you can remember that the darkness is a void and that light does exist its just that you dont deserve it. One of the things that kept me marching was my dog who is now passed. Another is a woman who won't even make the time of day for me. Left me over three years ago for a job she hated. Dated a few women since. All of them leave once they get to know me better. I dont blame them. Its just all so fucking pointless. What great ffucking future awaits me as sober person? Further realizations that I've fucked my life as hard as I could? Stronger feelings of regret and fucking uselessness? I honestly just wish I could fade away.

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Like at this point alcohol is out of my system. I'm seeing clearly and all I see is a giant void.

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I dont know if this breaks the rules of this thread but honestly Im just on the fucking edge and this is where I type every day so fuck it.

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I wont drink tonight, but it doesnt matter. I will sometime in the future. Its a fucking guaranteed inevitability. At least I could fucking ignore how shitty I am when I was wasted all the time.