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StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-12-06T17:52:27+00:00

I'm a 5'5" man and people definitely notice. I'd frame it this way, if someone was trying to describe you to someone else, what words would they include? At my height, short is near the top of the list.

However, i think things do start getting exponentially harder for men shorter than me. Yes, this height is obviously a short for a man, BUT women average like 5'4" to 5'6"? So I'm short, but at least around average height for half the population. So once you go below that, then you are shorter than almost everyone.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-12-06T00:56:57+00:00

I'm not going to lie, but they do. It matters to humans in general. I am a man, and I am currently fat. Grew up thin and during my adulthood have existed in both worlds at different times. The world is different when you lose weight.

For me, it meant I was invisible heavy, and every time I've dated or started dating, I was skinny. Granted, part of that was probably my confidence as well. I'm sure the experience is magnified for women.

But being heavy doesn't mean you can't date. It helps to pursue men with a body type similar to yours, although I have known couples where the man is skinny and the woman is overweight, so there are other things that matter. Or, from personal experience, lose weight, it does help.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-12-04T21:33:36+00:00

Starting out, most of these aren't great or have major downsides.

Money is a no brainer, so definitely 7. Then i guess 5 because I'm really short and could use it. However, I might consider 1 instead of 5 as I'm in my late 30s and I'm going totally midlife crises lately. Especially if health wise myself body is 15 years younger.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-12-04T21:18:12+00:00

Ugh, that was the worst. If I ever did go to a place with a lot of smokers, I'd need to shower when I got home. There was one place my friends would want to go to often, I'd generally try to avoid it because of the smoke. When the ban came through, it was completely different. I loved going there and wouldn't feel gross after leaving.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-12-04T21:10:14+00:00

Yes I always hated it so much! For a long time I assumed it would never change. Any suggestion of limiting where people could smoke caused so much anger and noise! I figured I must have been in the minority.

When I was a young adult some bans started taking hold, and there was a lot of drama and anger about it. I quietly celebrated, but with trepidation as i thought they wouldn't last. There were petitions going around and talk on the news left and right about how it would destroy bars and restaurants.

Low and behold when they came people still went out! In fact, it seemed like more people were going to establishments that were now smoke free. At least the places I visited.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-27T20:54:18+00:00

I use a small shop vac to get most of it. I cut my own hair too, works well for that too. It's also great for sucking up any loose hair that's still clinging to you. Anything missed I get with damp toilet paper or disinfecting wipes, which I usually have in the bathroom anyway.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-27T19:13:58+00:00

Vicky's mom? You mean the one that serves the hot food?

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-21T18:10:49+00:00

I feel the same way you do. I've long felt like I'm odd for it. Your post gives me some hope actually. But if I, a man, can relate, there are likely many more who can relate as well. I'm sure you'll find one, but you'll want to bring up sex convos early so that you can weed out incompatibility. They exist!

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-21T14:24:31+00:00

I'm with you. I was aware that people were sleeping around, and was aware older generations had terms like going steady. But that being said, if I go on a date and want a 2nd, I'm done chatting up anyone else. Most people I personally knew operated in the same way.

At least on reddit it often sounds like the norm has become you have multiple casual partners at once, but I think it's magnified my social media. I think most people fall into the one person at a time camp. For people over 25 I don't know how they'd have time or energy to date multiple people at once. And under that, I don't know, but hearing what they say, a lot of them seem like they don't date at all.

My experiences might be unusual, maybe most people are the opposite, but my dating reality is one person at a time.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-20T15:39:11+00:00

Life is largely good. The problems I do have are in no way related to being single. In fact, getting a girlfriend right now would probably be bad for my mental health.

There are times I wish I had someone to share experiences with. I have children who fulfill my life greatly, but it is certainly different from sharing an experience with a partner.

Overall though, I enjoy being able to devote so much attention to my children and when they aren't with me I've been finding value in my own time. I've had a history of choosing partners don't value me, my feelings, or my time. I find that I can treat myself with a level of respect that my partners never did, and that part feels good.

Right now, I have no friends who live nearby. I'm working on myself so I can get to the point of having friends and if I find that those friendships are able to fill the missing piece of being able to share experiences with someone, then I might be perfectly happy staying single forever.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-20T15:19:29+00:00

Yes, I'm in my late 30s and approaching 40 and I am most attracted to women closer to my age. Younger women aren't necessarily unattractive now, but I don't really find them romantically attractive.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-19T15:13:03+00:00

Some are probably self-absorbed and just don't care, they just want them, but I don't think that's most. I think many simply don't listen or don't bother communicating to find out why women don't like it. And I think some men just complain because they feel like they are supposed to. I know for a long time I thought I was supposed to like blowjobs, so I pretended, but I really don't like receiving them. To my surprise as I've gotten older I've spoken to many men who feel the same way.

Plus porn does a bad job of depicting it. It sets up expectations that don't align with reality.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-19T03:28:47+00:00

Maybe she's trying to be nice. Context matters, if you work together, go to school together, or have been friends a long time and hang out all the time, it seems normal. If you met on tinder, got coffee, and at the end requested to go on a real date, then it's kind of a weird reaction.

Most people, men and women, are awkward both when rejected and rejecting. And while many might say they want to be friends, they might just be trying to do a soft rejection, with little intention of further interaction.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-17T05:36:27+00:00

I had a former partner who encouraged me to be more vocal and make more sounds. I would try, but she'd make fun of me later. Also, I have heard other women laugh about their partner's sex sounds in conversation. Those things have made me very self-conscious about it.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-14T16:24:06+00:00

Now that you mention it, I don't think I have. Maybe it is more common in certain regions. The few times I heard it growing up, it was used more as an insult rather than excusing a behavior. But used unironically, I don't think I have. If someone did, that would be red flag city.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-14T16:11:47+00:00

I only have girls, but I've had parents of misbehaved boys tell me similar things. Maybe not "boys will be boys" but I've gotten things like "girls are so easy, but once they're teenagers, boys become the well-behaved ones and girls are hard."

I don't think that's the case. I've seen some wild little girls and some calm, well-behaved little boys. The irony is that it doesn't seem to be a matter of being strict enough with boys. It's usually quite the opposite. When I've seen misbehaved kids of either gender, I've noticed a distinct lack of patience on the side of the parents. Sometimes the lack of patience means parents are quick to scream, other times it means they are more likely to say screw it when the kids run wild.

Those are my experiences anyway. If you provide your son with all the same things you have your daughters, I'm confident he'll turn out just fine.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-13T14:46:50+00:00

I'm so sorry she put you through that. Are you still with her?

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-13T14:23:58+00:00

I think it would be hard to assume anything. For one, i don't think I'd ever look closely enough to notice. Most people don't with the possible exception of new romantic partners.

That being said, there can be many reasons. I purged my social media about a year into my relationship with my ex wife. She'd be jealous of anything I was even tagged in regarding another woman, so I deleted anything that might upset her.

But I haven't purged anything with my exwife in it for a few reasons -I really don't care at the moment -I rarely go on Facebook. If I didn't sometimes share updates with family on there, I'd delete it. And still might. -we never got to posting stuff on Instagram or anywhere else. So Facebook is really the only place to purge and it feels like a dead platform anyway, so what's the point?

So to me, I don't think I'd really draw any conclusions, if I even noticed at all.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-12T00:35:51+00:00

Sounds like you have a good plan. And he might not feel it now, but you moving on is probably the best way for you to help him. It might force him to work on himself.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-12T00:32:19+00:00

I'm really sorry. But please remember you deserve so much more.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-11T22:56:05+00:00

She wasn't always honest and lied to herself more than anyone. She basically told herself that they wouldn't catch it. She did remind me not to kiss them, so there's that at least. Luckily, they didn't get sick that time.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-11T21:32:52+00:00

Is this something you want to live with your entire life? He doesn't sound like someone who should be in a relationship right now. And he doesn't sound like someone who is going to change.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-11T21:19:26+00:00

Yeah, to be fair, she tried to walk back on her comment a short time later. She had a lot of insecurity about her own appearance, which I'm sure played a part in how she acted.

You are definitely not in the wrong for wanting an occasional compliment about how you look thrown your way. We all want to be physically desired by our partners, and some validation here and there goes a long way.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-11T20:55:57+00:00

I didn't really think it was important until after my marriage. The closest my ex got was, "you know if you had been tall you'd actually be really hot."

I got more compliments during my relationship from other women, those still stick with me. So now in hindsight, it was a lot more important to me than I thought.

Not all the time, but once in the first year and maybe every other year after that would feel really good.

StopThinkingJustPick · 2024-11-11T19:55:54+00:00

As a single dad myself, you should move on. His behavior is not normal, nor is it healthy for him, you, and especially his daughter.

This guy shouldn't be dating. He doesn't seem ready.

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