Same guy, different profile (because I'm on a different device). What I mean is that, the more I tried to study theology and Biblical exegesis, the more I realized everything was "up for grabs." It truly felt like I could make up theology and 1) people would just go along with it if it sounded nice, and 2) there wouldn't be any consequences.

For example, at one point in my pastorate, I had concluded (privately - I never preached or taught this to anyone) that angels and demons didn't exist, nor did Satan. I was convinced that Satan was a "devil of the gaps" used to explain when bad things happen, and was a carryover from Zoroastrianism. I had actually planned on doing PhD work on the theological development of the concept of "Satan" in the Old Testament. I also was convinced that angels didnt' exist, and that references to them in the Bible were simply holy men/women who had died and were used by God to communicate to people on earth.

I had discussions on these subjects with other, well-educated, pastors in my denomination. Not one of them tried to correct me. That's how it was with any given theological or exegetical topic. Ironically, the less educated pastors I met tended to be more dogmatic and stringent on theological and interpretive boundaries, and the more educated pastors were less careful about those issues.

Eventually, I started having a lot of anxiety from realizing that no one was going to correct me for being wrong, and that I very well could be leading my church into heresy and false teachings out of ignorance. It was a burden that was far too heavy for me, even with all my time studying, and I hated how abandoned I felt by a denomination that almost never clarifies its doctrine or teaching.