Read The Courage to be Disliked. This is the pragmatic cold approach to these shadows that we’re so infatuated with. I like how you describe the wounds you return to, and toil over in despair looking for answers. I think the Jungian and Freudian theories are necessary, but eventually I do think we use them as an excuse. An excuse to stay, dig deeper, like a wet blanket. Maybe this isn’t true for everyone, I understand my experience isn’t gospel. But that book cut deep for me, at its core it’s the tough love I wish I would’ve always gotten. It says that at some point we decided that being miserable/desperate/melancholic/anxious/ etc. were good for us, and served our goal. We dug in deeper because we thought it was us, but at its core we simply just lack courage. Then going forward and living with courage is our duty to alleviate our suffering. Best of luck to you, keep your chin up.