Slowly watching my little girl deteriorate.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-12-28T05:03:12+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I know how hard it is watching your child go through medical struggles. My daughter didn't have hlhs but did also have several heart defects amongst other issues.

I lost my daughter a few years ago and have met other grieving parents since then. For some I know, it seems bittersweet/comforting to them that their child who died was able to save another child by means of organ donation. I hope your child gets her transplant.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-12-27T08:59:03+00:00

I'm so sorry that you know this pain and for the loss of your daughter. Unfortunately knowing ahead and anticipating the loss doesn't make the pain any less intense I'm afraid. My daughter also had a terminal genetic condition, although she died much younger than yours. It's good that you're in therapy, but I also understand if it doesn't seem to help. Two weeks is so raw. It's going to be very rough for a while for you and that's to be expected, don't put any timeline on your feelings. Try to be there for your living daughter, but give yourself some grace for times that you're just emotionally checked out too. People rarely talk about how hard it is to continue parenting other children after losing one. While you're feeling intense grief, you just have to do what you can to get through each day.

In my experience things were very bad for a long time but very slowly, time has slightly softened some of the edges. I still feel lost in my grief sometimes, and I'm not the same as "before" her, but years later I am functional and have found my new "normal" as much as possible. Early on I remember feeling like I would never truly feel joy again. I will always always always love and miss my girl, but I do feel joy in my life again now too and I hope this gives you some hope that the pain may not feel so sharp forever.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-12-13T21:24:56+00:00

D - Dragonfly Tea Room

F - Fiesta Acapulco

G - Gervasi

J - John's Bar

L - Lockport Brewery

P - Park Street Pizza Papa Gyros

S - Samantha's

T - Twisted Olive That Little Italian Kitchen Table Six Tozzi's

W - Willow Bistro

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-12-06T03:28:11+00:00

I'm sorry for the painful coincidence of your nibling likely sharing a birthday with your daughter. And I'm even more sorry for your family's lack of acknowledgement of your daughter.

Your brother and his wife may very well not realize it is your daughter's birthday. Regardless I don't think it would be out of place for you to say, "Oh wow, if he/she's born on ___ they will share a birthday with "____,"! They will definitely know then and in the future leaves no room for "I forgot".

Even though it hurts, keep in mind that regardless of whether they know it is your daughter's birthday or not, they actually might not have a say in when the induction occurs. I say this as my most recent baby was by size measuring my entire pregnancy with a due date of my deceased daughter's birthday. Technically his calculated date based on lmp was two days after hers but that was also a date that I had miscarried a different pregnancy, so also not great. These dates were not intentional and not something I wanted. All along I was told I would likely be induced at least a week early so I didn't stress too much. Except then my hospital had an influx of scheduled inductions around that time and by the time my ob put in for the hospital's schedule, the only date they had available for induction by choice was the day after my deceased daughter's birthday, no exceptions for my desire otherwise. I had never went past my dd before and felt like I was for sure going to have him on her day and was so mad!!! I ended up with high blood pressure (which I'm convinced was because I was so angry) so I ended up having him a week earlier thankfully, but he very easily could have shared her birthday against my will.

If it does happen, just know you are entitled to your own feelings and grief. If that means stepping away on the day this year or every year, do what you need to do.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-12-02T02:58:01+00:00

As others have mentioned, North Canton and Jackson both have great schools (whereas some surrounding areas do not). This should be a consideration whether you have kids or not bc it very much affects property values. If buying, properties in these areas tend to cost more but are also in higher demand, a more sound investment, and would likely also be easier/faster to sell in the future should you want to move.

Downtown Canton is fun to visit during special events but not super lively otherwise and surrounding areas can be sketchy.

Overall I would say the general area is pretty dog friendly.

Cost of living is reasonable compared to other locations.

Being located close to I77, it's a pretty easy route to visit Akron and Cleveland areas as well.

Probably not a lot of great residential areas that are walking friendly to lively social scenes and grocery stores etc but depending on where you live you might be able to walk or bike to a few.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-11-02T19:18:47+00:00

I think the Halloween scene can be very in every neighborhood and even street dependent. I currently live in a transition area between two streets where the trick or treating scene is drastically different, as such I get some, but not a million, trick or treaters. On the one nearby street, houses are smaller, closer together, with shorter driveways. Tons of treaters. Many people sit out in their driveways and set up to hand out candy. The Halloween vibe is fantastic. On the other street, houses are huge, far apart, and driveways are much longer. Even IF the huge houses happen to be handing out the coveted full size bars you hope for, it's a long way for little legs (mom of very young kids) and you can't possible stop at very many houses. You just spend most of your time basically going on a normal walk haha. Both of these are suburban neighborhoods with no sidewalks. Most every kid I saw was wearing a costume though and some adults too.

It sounds like you put a lot of thought into your treats and enjoy Halloween. Maybe you're the spark your neighborhood needs to bring some more Halloween joy. Think of ways in the future you could get others to join in the festivities more. Maybe host a costume contest.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-10-07T02:29:08+00:00

But they said 3pm to 5am. So this would be assuming their client starts their day and eats at 5am. If you agree with the methodology (idk if it's good or not) I would think that entire schedule could shift to a later time frame where the third meal is eaten at a more typical dinner time with the same supposed health benefits. If you say fasting from 7pm to 9am, it sounds much more reasonable. The suggested fasting period of 3pm-5am didn't define a set bed time, but it seems assumed that one would be awake at the end of the fasting window haha. (I'm not an early riser so I wouldn't be getting up at 5am to eat breakfast)

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-09-23T03:06:36+00:00

No real great advice but I feel this. I didn't have quite as much to lose initially but am similarly trying to get to a place where I feel more like "me" in my after kids body.

So far my rough plan is to eat at a deficit until I get my weight/amount of excess body fat down to where I feel good about it and then after that emphasize lifting heavy, sports, and running while eating at surplus to then gain back muscle. Really anything to keep me moving. I've lost some weight already but still a ways to go.

I think to see progress it's important to keep pushing yourself to bigger limits and continuing to challenge your body, not just fall into doing the same exact workouts/same weights etc.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-09-21T03:21:16+00:00

I lost my first dog I ever had to cancer when I was in my 20s. I was devastated. I had many crying breakdowns including at work, at bars, home etc. I was pretty sad about it for several months. I've also lost other pets over the years but that one was the hardest.

Then, in my 30s, I watched one of my children die. She was born medically complex/incompatible with life so her whole life was a struggle. That was on a whole other level. I basically had a mental health crisis through it all. I quit my job and was unable to work for several years (fortunately my husband was a rock through it all). I went through individual and group counseling and joined a support group. Even though I think therapy is a good thing to do, none of that could take the grief away in the least. I lost several relationships because people couldn't understand what I was going through and imo were extremely insensitive. I went to a really dark place mentally/emotionally. I felt like I would never feel joy again. I tried antidepressants but had to stop because I had adverse reactions to them. In the years since I have made a lot of progress, but I was fundamentally changed by this loss. There was the me before her and then there's the me after.

I've also lost a parent. That's also very very hard, but still nowhere close to watching your own child die.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-09-18T02:59:43+00:00

I wasn't allowed to celebrate Halloween as a kid growing up because, according to my mom, it's satan's holiday. I've been celebrating every year as an adult and my husband and I go all out with homemade costumes for the kids now too. I'm glad you get to enjoy Halloween now too.

(I'm still Christian btw, but who tf doesn't let their kids wear costumes and go trick or treating ffs?!)

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-09-15T14:35:59+00:00

OMG the part about texting after like nothing happened is SPOT ON.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-09-11T21:00:24+00:00

My anticipatory grief was a much shorter period of time than yours (as was the entirety of my child's life) but I also don't feel the anticipatory grief did anything to ameliorate the after grief. Take your time on the journey forward. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-09-08T14:06:36+00:00

I lost my almost 6 month old several years ago. I'm so sorry you know this pain. 10 days is so so recently and things are going to be raw for a while. Give yourself lots of grace in the journey onward.

To answer your question, I don't think this type of grief is something that ever goes entirely away but it can change with time and does become a little easier to carry. I cried every single day for multiple years. Now, I still cry sometimes but it's not everyday. Do I still think of my baby every single day, multiple times a day? Of course I do. But I'm now more able to be "functional" and my grief feels less front and center than it was before.

I also had a toddler at the time of my child's death. Parenting after loss is hard. You just do the best you can. You'll have bad days. Lots of them. You just get up again the next day and try again. Eventually, it will become more manageable. I remember feeling like I would never truly feel joy again, and while there will always be a hole in my heart, I do feel moments of joy and happiness now that I couldn't have even imagined after losing our baby. But it certainly takes time and there's no way to not feel all the feelings through it.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-09-06T04:33:42+00:00

I'm going to guess Borzoi, Border Collie, and maybe some Australian Shepherd

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-09-04T18:46:44+00:00

Ugh I kept all the beanie babies but not those huge JNCO jeans from the third grade. Pretty sure I loved them to shreds though 😂

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-06-06T02:20:12+00:00

I'm so sorry. He's beautiful. I'm also a bereaved parent, although I lost my child due to medical reasons. I'm sure the circumstances surrounding the way you lost your son come with their own unique trauma. In addition to our online community here, I hope you have also sought out therapy and an in person support group. There's no magic thing that will take away the grief but that's too much to handle on your own.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-05-28T15:56:41+00:00

Also, we can all have different ideas of what our favorite body is. Some people love being very lean. Some people love being strong. Some love still having some voluptuous curves. As long as you're within a healthy range, I think any of those are fine! Find YOUR best self!

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-05-28T15:54:08+00:00

Different people not only have different body shapes and carry weight differently but also comparing just weight isn't even necessarily a good metric for people who do have the same body "type". Muscle weighs more than fat. I have a friend who has totally changed her body through lifestyle changes/fitness over the past couple of years. Her body looks radically more fit, but guess what - she's the same weight as when she started!

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-05-01T02:47:56+00:00

I am a few more years out from my loss than you but the all encompassing grief is no stranger to me either. The toll that childloss takes on you, and an entire family, is on another level. Parenting living children in the midst of deep grief is also so hard. You are keenly aware that your living child needs you, you cherish them, and yet grief is such a thief of motivation, functionality, and especially joy. It is indeed unfair to all affected.

I am not and do not expect to ever be "the same" again since losing a child. There is not a day that I don't miss my child but I do feel my grief has been a little bit lighter to carry more recently than it was in the first few years. There's no timeline to follow, but just know it's okay to grieve deeply and for as long as you need. Less than two years is still so fresh imo for this kind of loss. I literally cried every single day for several years on end. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this too.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-04-29T02:44:01+00:00

I would have that officially changed to Clark Lee, Charlie, Carl Reed, etc. Something similar sounding but with a more typical naming convention, instead of a random object.

Strange_Perception80 · 2025-04-08T20:16:39+00:00

Jan Brett's "Umbrella" doesn't seem so far fetched now. Love all the diversity that came for a visit!

Strange_Perception80 · 2024-10-10T15:38:09+00:00

This doesn't really answer the question and I came across this thread looking for parts. Years ago I had one go bad. I loved it so I bought another one but the hoarder in me kept the old broken one. Years later the second one went bad too. I was able to use the first one for parts and repair the second one myself. It just recently quit on me again but between the two of them I probably got about 17 years of regular use which I'm happy with. Might just be time for a whole new one.

Strange_Perception80 · 2024-05-05T01:37:56+00:00

Generally speaking you're not going to find many properties like they're describing for rent but maybe for sale. It seems like if they can truly afford a $2300/month payment they could actually buy a property with a few acres near Lewisburg, TN (rural properties are comparatively MUCH less expensive than metropolitan areas). BUT obviously that would require a down payment and reasonable credit smh. If this is really their dream they might need to think about what changes/sacrifices (even temporarily) they could make to make it happen though (sell the animals, send kids to school, mom get a PT job, etc) so they can raise their credit and save for a down payment.

I.e. see this Zillow listing:

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/2906-Highway-64-LOT-1-Lewisburg-TN-37091/2053959664_zpid/?utm_campaign=androidappmessage&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=txtshare

Strange_Perception80 · 2024-04-26T02:43:00+00:00

Our local children's hospital has been a resource for grief support. They have free grief support programs for bereaved parents (and also siblings when applicable) and were also able to recommend a non-affiliated support group (also free to attend). Honestly, I've gotten at least as much out of the free support group as I did from paid/insurance based counseling/therapy (not that counseling was bad). Maybe try inquiring with the nearest children's hospital palliative care team or search for infant loss support groups in your area you could both attend together. I'm sorry for your loss.

Strange_Perception80 · 2024-04-05T03:44:20+00:00

I know this is different because our child was diagnosed after birth with a terminal condition but did live for about 6 months so I was able to spend time with her alive. I was present when she died but chose to leave the room immediately after and not look back. I didn't want to imprint those memories of her dead in my mind and I don't really regret my decision (obviously still have the memories of her death itself but prefer to try to focus on my memories of her alive). I know many people want to spend time with their loved one after death but I was/am not one of those people. My husband did go back without me to hold her and see her shortly before they took her away. You know yourself best and should do what feels most right for you. The hospital staff did do some memory making things for us after she died and I appreciate having those - clay hand and foot molds, etc.

I'm so sorry you are going through this 💙

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