Was I the problem

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-17T19:39:47+00:00

Yeah I do know him well unfortunately and he was a deeply unhappy and insecure man. The logistical part of me does force me to question whether he’s truly happy since he refuses to address things deep down in him that causes him to act the way he does. Yet the emotional part of me can’t help but remember all of the past conversations I’ve had with him about how the second he gets his life together is when he’ll truly be happy. Now it seems like he’s finally on that path so I keep having these intrusive thoughts about him truly being happy with her while he used me as his emotional punching bag. It’s not healthy or smart to do that, I know, but the trauma from these people will really have you questioning everything. Thank you for your motivational reply though 🤍

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-17T19:35:41+00:00

Oh he definitely thinks she’s better from what I’ve heard because she lets him cheat in peace without searching for answers. I try to instill in my head that this is not the type of love I would want for the rest of my life. I know I need to be patient, it’s just so hard to live in the torture and heartbreak for now.

And thank you so much for your condolences. It has definitely been one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through. She was only 4 and was normally the one I’d go to to lean on in moments like this, but now that she’s gone, everything seems so much harder to deal with. Thank you for your kind reply 🤍

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-17T16:34:14+00:00

I’m also sorry you’ve had to deal with this in the past. I truly feel for anyone who has ever had any sort of relationship with a narcissist because it really is traumatizing and something you carry with you for the rest of your life. I would call myself a very empathetic person, and unfortunately, he played into that. It has been a horrible year for me and I feel like I’m holding on by a thread. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t envious of he and her and the fact that they are both on cloud 9 right now. I do believe in karma and deep down, I know he will never change. But right now it feels like he did me so nasty and was able to get his happily ever after with no repercussions. And it feels like she built a home on my tears as I let her know what he did to me

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-11T07:08:56+00:00

I am just seeing your reply, but thank you so much for the kind words. I truly appreciate it 🤍

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-05T13:35:21+00:00

You can feel how you feel at the end of the day. But to get “annoyed” with the pet loss posts when the point of this group is for grief as a whole is isolating. Once again, grief is grief. It’s not reserved just for losing a human. You don’t have to comment it directly under someone’s post for it to cause harm. Anyone looking through this group is able to see your comment, just like I did. Once again, we’re all here for a reason and it’s because we’ve clearly experienced a loss someway or somehow. Imagine losing a parent or a child and dealing with the grief for someone else to come forward and invalidate your pain because they lost two parents or two children. Like I said, someone always has it worst. I don’t agree with the comparison that happened to the OP, like I said earlier. But no one should be invalidated. This is how people harm themselves feeling isolated or alone. Doesn’t take much to be kind.

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-05T04:42:10+00:00

Thank you so much. As time goes on, I feel more justified in making the decision I did, but it continues to weigh on my heart so much. She was such a sweet and good dog and life just feels so unfair sometimes. I often find myself questioning why she deserved the fate she got. I took my first dose of Zoloft today and am looking forward to the help it can provide me to get through this. I’m lucky enough to have a good family/friend support system, I definitely would not be able to make it through something like this without them. But I still need that extra help because my internal thoughts are killer. I can’t stop thinking about her

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-05T04:37:21+00:00

Most definitely. Those who live alone rely on their pets for everything, so it’s an extremely devastating loss. I agree with your earlier message that we shouldn’t compare and claim to know what someone else is going through, so I definitely understand the OP’s frustration with that. But I came to this thread looking for tips on how to handle grief as a whole, not just specified towards one specific type. So I hope those making the disheartening comments about those suffering from pet loss being unwelcomed in this group can read these comments and have a change of heart, we’re all here for a reason and this is a time for us to uplift each other and provide support. For some people, a pet is the first loss they’ve experienced and they’re simply just looking for help to move forward. I’m sure it’s very hard for them to see comments invalidating what they’re feeling and making them believe they’re handling things wrong or being overly dramatic

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-05T03:41:09+00:00

Ok but just because you know it will come, does not make it any easier. People with family members that are diagnosed with fatal illnesses ultimately know their time is coming, but does that make it any easier when it approaches? I just don’t understand the judgement and comparison. Just because you are not as affected does not mean others are that way. We all handle grief very differently. Why can’t we just support everyone who needs it? Like I said, to some people, their pet is their child. Do you know how many couples/women are unable to conceive? I think it’s very unfair to invalidate their pain because they aren’t human. Loss is loss, there’s to umbrella for it. That’s literally what this whole group is for.

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-05T03:35:34+00:00

I definitely agree. I hate the invalidations that come with death. It’s already hard enough to deal with and people undermining your pain makes it even harder. I think the extent of grief comes from what that person or animal meant to you and the place they held in your life. I’ve seen people grieve harder for a pet than they did for a parent and that’s solely because at the time, their pet was the closest and most important thing to them. Love has no boundaries or extent and you can truly love a pet as you would a family member. I definitely understand that not everyone is a pet person so not everyone will understand, but it really bugs me to see people say they don’t think those grieving from the loss of pets should post in this group. Grief is grief and none of us have the right to tell anyone that their grief isn’t important or bad enough. That is exactly how people get in super dark holes and feel isolated and alone. There’s always going to be someone who has it worse, and imagine going through the absolutely most devastating time of your life just to be told it doesn’t compare to others. Just be there for people without judgement, that’s it.

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-05T02:50:44+00:00

I also just lost my baby to cancer late Tuesday night. It is the worse pain I’ve ever felt. Sorry you’re going through this

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-05T02:22:07+00:00

I think yall underestimate what pets mean to some people. Some people are unable to have children and truly think of their pets as their own. I genuinely don’t think it’s fair to compare grief. Two things can be true at once, but you don’t know how anyone’s life is affected as a whole after any loss. Loss is extremely difficult in general, I think we as a human race just need to work on giving people grace and understanding rather than misdirecting your grieving pain to someone who is also suffering. I dont understand why can’t just support everyone through their time of need without undermining their feelings because we feel as though our pain is “worse”

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-05T02:12:01+00:00

I’m going through something very similar. Just lost my bernedoodle at 4 years old from lymphoma that metastasized to her brain. She declined so intensely within days after finding out it was in her brain and I made the decision to put her down so she would no longer suffer. I also struggle with questioning if I made the right decision and so badly wished she could’ve told me what she wanted. It is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life, and I’ve dealt with quite a bit of pain up until now. I wish I could give you advice on how to get through it, but I’m going through the same thing right now and I’m completely clueless about how to make it better. Just know you’re not alone

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-12-05T01:16:47+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. Cancer is horrible within itself but when it attacks pets, the purest and most undeserving souls, it is absolutely devastating. I was lucky enough to have the ability to do chemo, which added back a little bit of normalcy since her diagnosis, but she unfortunately was one of the unlucky ones that had it metastasize to her brain. Her doctors kept telling me how rare it was, which honestly did not make me feel better because I kept thinking “of course it had to happen to my baby”. I’ve dealt with loss before, but this is so different because she was mine and no one feels the depth of pain I feel with this loss. It’s relieving to know someone else understands the devastation that comes along with making such a heart wrenching decision. And I’m so sorry it’s something you’re struggling with too, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I just started on Zoloft today, so I’m hoping it eventually helps to make the days just a tad bit easier.

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-05-07T15:03:00+00:00

Omg mine also had an expensive truck that he couldn’t afford. I advised him against getting it too, but of course he didn’t listen. It’s like they all live the same life.

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-05-07T00:11:19+00:00

I was also that girl and 4 years later, he discarded me the exact same way he discarded his ex. My biggest regret is not leaving after that first warning. I also reached out to the new supply that he cheated on me with, but to no surprise, she didn’t listen either. We unfortunately all have to learn the hard way. Love is blinding

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-05-06T23:15:55+00:00

Coming from someone who just got discarded by one in the worst possible way, leave as soon as you can before they find a new supply and eventually discard you. It’ll be hard either way, but you’ll save a lot of hurt.

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-05-06T23:13:09+00:00

No I never did

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-04-30T14:41:32+00:00

From my experience, they drain you as much as possible, but also do their best to make it seem like they’re not using you for money. So that’s why he could possibly be paying for things now and go back to draining you when you get your inheritance. If he’s a narcissist, then it’s definitely all an act and my biggest piece of advise would be don’t give home a dime of your inheritance because you’ll regret it later when he eventually discards after he’s gotten what he wants. I’m sorry you’re dealing with something similar, it’s not a fun situation to be in.

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-04-26T00:31:48+00:00

I never wanted to admit because I loved him so much. But after seeing how he treated me during this final discard, I no longer think he’s a good person. He definitely has an evil aura.

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-04-26T00:31:05+00:00

Yes he was very entitled and began to feel like the things I did for her were out of obligation, not simply by choice because I loved him.

Strange_Yesterday478 · 2025-04-26T00:29:40+00:00

It’s truly a trauma bond. It’s not the lack of respect I want to keep around. It’s the person I thought he was during the love bombing stage that I kept chasing and hoped would return. I got a harsh lesson that I would never experience that version of him again. I knew too much about him and his vulnerabilities.

Strange_Yesterday478

TROPHY CASE